Guy #1: Yeah man, she only had a twin-size bed, so I had to sleep on the floor next to her.
Guy #2: Dude, that fucking sucks.
Guy #1: Nah, it’s cool. I was so drunk I peed my pants, right there under the bed.
Guy #2: Fierce.
–53rd & Lexington
Guy #1: Yeah man, she only had a twin-size bed, so I had to sleep on the floor next to her.
Guy #2: Dude, that fucking sucks.
Guy #1: Nah, it’s cool. I was so drunk I peed my pants, right there under the bed.
Guy #2: Fierce.
–53rd & Lexington
Woman: Excuse me, where is your bathroom?
Cashier: I’m sorry, we don’t have a bathroom in this facility.
Male customer: What do you guys do when you have to use the bathroom?
Cashier: How do you think our coffee gets its unique flavor?
–Starbucks, Times Square
Overheard by: Making my own Espresso from now on
College girl: Woah, dude! How do you even live?!
College guy: I mean, I dunno. I just like pee outta my mouth.
–4th & Mercer
Hipster: It just sucks having to change the sheets every day.
–54th & Broadway
Overheard by: J-Dawg
Man coming out of bathroom: Rhetorical question: do you wash your hands before or after pissing?
–Columbia Bathroom
Old man on cell: You tell her I don’t want her using that same toilet brush. I want her to use a new one for my place.
–34 Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: truly confused
Tranny to another: And I told him if he wanted to shove that shit up my pussy, he better wash it real good first!
–2nd St b/w 1st & 2nd Aves
Guy on cell: It still stinks? Did you try washing it? Oh. How about using a nail brush? You did? Well, how much skin did you lose?
–C Train
Overheard by: Davis Baker
Angry thug on cell: I ain’t washin’ shit!
–Broadway & Great Jones
Overheard by: Jon A.
Middle-aged man to elderly woman: Mom, he’s such a…I dunno. He told me the same story five times last night.
Elderly woman: Listen, dear: at my age, any man who can walk by himself and pee by himself is a catch.
–Madison Avenue Bus
Overheard by: The New York Crank
Woman #1: I really have to pee!
Woman #2: My god! Again? You have the tiniest bladder!
Woman #3: You know what they say about a tiny bladder?
Women #1 and #2: What?
Woman #3: Huge vagina!
–Olea, Forte Green, Brooklyn
20-something chick: Besame!
Boyfriend: Piss on me? Really?
20-something chick: No! Besame! It means “Kiss me” in Spanish!
Boyfriend: Oh. Can I do both?
20-something chick: If you were bilingual we wouldn’t have this problem.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Chick: I would like to become a boy for a day just so I can pee standing up.
Guy: I am not going to lie to you, it’s awesome!
–Georgia Diner, Queens
Australian guy, shocked at pixie chick peeing on nearby steps: Does that girl not have her pants on?!
Australian girl, unaware: What? [Both turn to stare.]
Pixie chick’s guy friend: Yes, that’s right! She’s peeing!
–St. Mark’s Pl, between 1st Ave & Ave A
Overheard by: justin
Thugette: I just want to go some place where I feel comfortable.
Thug: I just want to go some place where I can piss on you.
–East Village
Overheard by: r. kelly
