A Steady Stream of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy: Yeah, that was the night I pissed all over his walls.

–Fanelli’s, Prince & Mercer

Overheard by: hjane

Dude: I think she’s pretty cool, even though she tried to pee on me that one time.

–Rumours, 55th & 8th

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson

Girl on cell: …Well, I was, until he peed his pants. It was all downhill from there.

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: kelsey

Guy on cell: She got pissed on… So do I. I guess if she can survive another two months… How much damage do you think he can do?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Al E Ro

Guy entering bank: Fuck that dragworm! It’s my bank! I’m gonna give him a tip because he stepped in front of me to hold the door? Fuck that! It’s like if I was gonna piss and he knocked my hand aside to grab my dick.

–Washington Mutual

Posted on June 26, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Pee, Penis, Questions, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Get to Unironic Unwrapping, New York!

Hipster guy: Hey, can you wrap that?
Cashier guy: Sure.
Hipster guy: Do you have any funny wrapping paper that says stuff like “Sorry your dad died” or something?
Cashier guy: Uh…no.
Hipster guy: Oh, damn. Well, do you have anything funny or weird or something?
Cashier guy: Well, we have one with little kids riding big flying books through clouds shaped like cute little animals.
Hipster guy: Yeah, no, I don’t think that will work. I don’t need to wrap it, right?
Cashier guy: Uh…I guess not.
Hipster guy: I just wanted it to be special and funny, and like ironic.
Cashier guy: Well, you can urinate on it. That would be really special and downright hilarious.
Hipster guy: Uh….okay, I’ll get the flying books paper.

–Barnes & Noble, 6th Avenue & 8th Street

Overheard by: m-co

Posted on June 22, 2015
Advice, Cashiers, Death, Hipsters, Pee, Shopping, Store

He Forgot to Pull Up His Tights

Drunk male ballet dancer: Can I have your attention, please? I’m not asking for money — I just want to let you all know that I need to pee and I’m going to step between the cars for a moment. I’ll be right back, don’t worry. [He steps out of the car onto the walkway for a few seconds, then comes back in. Whole car applauds.]

–1 train

Posted on June 22, 2015
Drunks, On the Subway, Pee

Smells Like Wednesday One-liners

Girl: Don’t walk me behind me, I’m about to fart.

–Times Square station

Girl: God, it smells like an armpit farted in here.

–Rififi, E. 11th Street

Overheard by: Miso

Guy on cell: Baby, baby, please, listen, I just, I’m almost there, c’mon, I’m comin’ up on your building now, baby, don’t be like that! Look out the window and you’ll see me! Shit, you can smell me, baby.

–12th & D

Fratboy: My shorts smell like a little boy’s balls.

–Coney Island beach

Overheard by: Alissa

Woman: Just so you know, it smells like someone urinated in there.

–Banana Republic, 16th & 5th

Overheard by: beth wren

Posted on June 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Farting & Burping, Pee, Scents of the City, Stupidity, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

We Could Bring Whole New Meaning to “Piss Drunk”

Frat boy: You know what I should get you for your birthday?
Girlfriend: What?
Frat boy: A funnel.
Girlfriend: A funnel?
Frat boy: Yeah, a funnel. So you can piss in a corner.
Girlfriend: I could also use it to funnel beer!
Frat boy: You'd have to wash it first.

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Posted on June 8, 2015
Birthdays, Cleanliness, Drinking & Drunk People, Frat Boys, Gifts, Girlfriends, Pee, Starbucks, Union Square and East Village

Crack Open Wednesday One-Liners

Woman: If we don’t get where we are goin’ fast, I am going to goosh in my pants.

–Bleecker & Charles

Overheard by: Michael Kagan

Posted on June 4, 2015
Pee, Poop, The Village, Women

The Post Calls Their Performance Art “Edgy and Exhilarating”

Drunk guy: Did I puke on you?
Drunk girl (holding half-full pitcher and cup): You might have puked on me, but I peed and spilled beer on myself to rinse it off.

–N Train

Overheard by: Abbey C

Posted on June 2, 2015
Default, Drunks, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Pee, Questions, Vomit, Weirdness

If R. Kelly Wrote Nursery Rhymes

Girl #1: I'm gonna pee on you.
Girl #2: I peed on someone before.
Girl #3: Golden showers bring May flowers.

–34th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Robert Wood

Posted on May 21, 2015
Girls, Kink, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Pee

Wednesday One-Liners Are Potty Mouths

Man in stall, struggling: Damn you, Taco Bell!

–Bathroom, John Jay College

Girl on cell in stall: I liked him better when he was homeless.

–Bathroom, Lerner Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: Sydney

Drunk hipster in stall: Don’t get the kielbasa sandwich.

–Club Warsaw, Williamsburg

Overheard by: nickporjr

Man on cell in stall: Hold on a second, honey. [Biological sounds] Okay, I’m back. Look, there’s no way to say this other than right out. This week together made me think things over. Will you marry me?

–Office bathroom, 44th & Lex

Overheard by: Tony

Drunk girl in stall, to herself: Okay, this time let’s try not to pee all over my jeans.

–Cabana, Maritime Hotel

Girl in stall: Uggghhh! Fuck… [Panting] Fuck!

–Bathroom, Fordham Law School

Overheard by: Seriously concerned

Guy at urinal: Oh yeah, son! Yeah, I am dominating this shit!

–Library Bathroom, Fordham University

Posted on May 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Pee, Poop, Stall Spies, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Pee