(tipsy older couple staggers out of book party)
Lady: What was it you said before that was so funny?
Craggy geezer: “When I was teeny I saw my papa's weenie.”
Lady: I love it!
–Mercer St
(tipsy older couple staggers out of book party)
Lady: What was it you said before that was so funny?
Craggy geezer: “When I was teeny I saw my papa's weenie.”
Lady: I love it!
–Mercer St
Girl: Well, if there's going to be another girl, there has to be another guy too.
Guy: Hell no! Ain't no other dude putting his sausage in your jay-jay!
–E Train
Man handing out New York Post: New York Post! If you're illiterate, only 75 cents! If you only lookin at pictures, 50 cents!
–6th Ave & W 8th St
Overheard by: lady v
Man selling cotton candy: Get your cotton candy here! Cotton candy! I got your all-natural blue fibers of sugar right here! Straight from the blue cotton fields of…Virginia! Cotton candy, here!
–Shea Stadium
Street perfume seller to browser: You like Vera Wang, princess? This is genuine Wang.
–34th & 6th
Overheard by: Weary Communter
Street vendor: Hey, where are you ladies from? (two teenage girls walk by) Oh, that's cool, that's cool, I think I have a friend that lives there!
–7th & 40th
Overheard by: Tiffany
AM New York guy: Sir, would you like a paper this morning? No? No? (shakes head and looks at the ground) I don't care. (pause) It's okay, I don't care.
–145th & St. Nich
Overheard by: sorry charlie
Fake purse salesman: Gucci makes the coochie go woo woo!
–Times Square
Sleazy biker, taking a bottle from marathon relief table: My mother always told me I should be bottle-fed.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Uncomfortable volunteer
NYU student on cell, angrily: I was trying to show your mom a good time so I wouldn't have to stick my dick in her again!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: chris k.
Guido on cell: So you fucked the mother *and* the daughter?
–23rd & 3rd
Guy to girl: Anything over 50 is a super milf!
–Chelsea
Teen to friend: Cause I ain't no full-time mama. I'm a part-time mama.
–Church & Chambers
Middle aged hipster with ponytail and gray streaked goatee: I'm a soccer mom!
–Times Square
Construction worker #1 (yelling): We got one big one and two little ones!
Construction worker #2: What? One what?
Construction worker #1: One big one, like your sister!
–Spring St & Crosby St
Guy #1, to friend with shaved head: You look like a penis.
Guy #2: Yeah, well…you have red hair. (mumbling) Freaky ginger child.
–M86 Bus
Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. (doors stay open) Pull yourself inside the door and let it close! (still open) Pull your pecker in! (doors close)
–Downtown 2 Train
Overheard by: drew
Older woman, enunciating precisely: I could never understand wanting to have a penis. I know *I* never wanted one.
–Hudson St
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Chick: Don't you feel better knowing your cock is better than fermented squid guts?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy to friend: And then it just popped out of the bag–you know, kind of like a penis pops out!
–Dunkin Donuts
Blond: But baby, the only thing that rhymes with penis is "mm mm good"!
–Restaurant, Brooklyn
Overheard by: what rhymes with vajay?
Little boy: (gibberish gibberish gibberish) Penis! (gibberish gibberish gibberish) Penis!
–Downtown N Train
Brunette NYU student: You know when like people in junior high ask you what you'd do if you had a penis for a day? I'd always say "piss in a soap dispenser."
–W 3rd b/w 6th & MacDougal
Overheard by: Alan
Drunk suit #1: My dick is so big my girlfriend sucks it everyday.
Drunk suit #2: Your girlfriend lives in Canada! Your dick isn't that big.
–Daisy's Diner, Park Slope
Overheard by: peej
