Man #1: Why is it so hard to get it passed, anyway?
Man #2: That’s the law in the United States, man. It’s been that way for thousands of years.
–Outside bar by Penn Station
Overheard by: craig
Man #1: Why is it so hard to get it passed, anyway?
Man #2: That’s the law in the United States, man. It’s been that way for thousands of years.
–Outside bar by Penn Station
Overheard by: craig
Straight guy: I need to change my hair. Four out of five girls with that bachelorette party last night thought I was gay.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Phil
Guy: Listen, it’s not hair replacement. It’s a system.
–Sterling & 7th, Park Slope
Overheard by: A White Bear
White guy: Yeah, and I ripped out her weave.. it was awesome!
–14th & 5th
Overheard by: Amelia D
Hobo: All Democrats must have pink hair, by mandate of the homeless Republican!
–12th & 6th
Overheard by: theNJl
Ghetto girl: She wanted to charge me $400 for my hair. She was gonna charge me by the pound! Who charges for hair by the pound? I could get my homegirl to do it for $20. Never buy your hair from someone in the ‘hood!
–5 train, 125th St
Overheard by: La Liz
Bald queer: Oh, now I have to do my hair again. It’s so difficult to keep my hands out of it!
–Elevator, 1250 Broadway
Hobo: All Democrats must dye their hair pink! All Democrats must dye their hair pink. Pink is the color of pussies! Therefore, all Democrats are pussies!
–16th & 8th
Overheard by: My hair isn’t pink and I’m voting for Spitzer
Man having trouble with the levers on his voting machine: Wait, I know what the problem is…I’m a Republican!
–Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: Not a Republican
Young fireman to conspiracy nut: You liberal bastard. I hope you die
in a fire. Motherfucker.
–Ground Zero
Overheard by: Jeremy C.
Hobo walking in the rain, yelling: All Democrats are Al Sharpton cock-suckers! The only question is do they spit or swallow the cum!
–12th St & 5th Ave
White lady, surrounded by "Save Darfur" ralliers: Who’s Darfur?
Husband: Well, I don’t know, but whoever he is, he sure is in a lot of trouble.
–6 train
Overheard by: Jill Benson
Biker #1: The fact that he’s conservative doesn’t intrinsically make him ugly. There are attractive Republicans.
Biker #2: On unicorns with pots of gold!
–10th & Greenwich
Tween boy: Then Tom Cruise and Will Smith get married and have babies.
–74th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Rachel
3 year old: Ahhh, my mouth is on fire! My mouth is on fire! Help me, Tom Cruise!
–89th & Broadway
Overheard by: Alex
Man to girlfriend: Shit, I like that Martha Stewart. She a gangsta in disguise.
–Kmart, Astor Place
Guy: He is like the L. Ron Hubbard of Teach for America.
–Lenny’s, 77th & 2nd
Overheard by: Rebecca
Crazy guy: You fuckers don’t deserve to be here! John Lennon died for peace and tolerance! Get the fuck out of here, queers! John died for peace and humanity!
— 72nd & Central Park West
Overheard by: emily
Chick on cell: Yeah, he wouldn’t watch my kid last night because he was hanging out with Wilmer Valderrama.
–1st Ave between 12th & 13th
Hobo: Betty Boop killed Martin Luther King!
–1 train
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
White girl on cell: Wait, you’re watching BET? Well, do you feel black and/or entertained?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Casey
Black guy: So you see, white bitches just don’t understand that I have a big ass penis.
–St. Mark’s
Teenage black girl: See those buildings over there? That’s where I stay. Yeah, it’s nice and shit. I like it. Too many white people moved in, though. That’s why I’m KKK…Krazy Kracker Killa!
–Uptown 1 train
Overheard by: aq
Black guy to white girl: You’d better not stay in the rain too long; sugar melts!
–117th & 5th
Overheard by: robin b
JAP: It’s not like I don’t like his parties, I just don’t fit in. Hello! I’m white!
–8th St & 5th Ave
Black guy: Well I have black friends, but they just don’t understand. You know what I’m sayin’? Certain races, dog.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Ghetto girl: What was these two white bitches doing in Harlem at 2:30 in the morning? You know how white they was? They so white they names was Ashley and Haley. That’s how white they was!
–Uptown 5 train
Midwestern tourist points to a black guy and says, to his tween daughter: You see that guy over there? You see how he’s a different color than you? You see that sometimes in big cities.
–Downtown 6 train
Overheard by: Gwen
Black girl to black friend: Yo, man, you’re acting like a black person.
–N train, Ditmars Blvd, Queens
Juicer: Oh, shit! We got customers in the store! We gotta stop acting so black!
–Jamba Juice, University Place
Frustrated woman, who has been trying in vain to hail a cab: What am I, black?
–21st & 6th
Black girl to black friend: We never gonna get a cab unless we start hangin’ with some white folks.
–Orchard & Houston
Overheard by: white folk
Teenage girl: But Bob Dylan is Jewish. That’s kind of black.
–Upper West Side
Black girl: Why we gotta be black all the time? Why can’t we be white for two minutes?
–Wendy’s, W 34th St
JAP: I hate being white!
–66th & Broadway
White teen girl: Now I know what it feels like to be a minority.
–Chinatown
White woman to black woman: I feel like I understand the black struggle because I feel I was black in a past life.
–Penn Station
Thug on cell: Black people like catfish also, nigga!
–110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Mappy and Chocolate
Ghetto girl at crosswalk: Ooh, lil’ white man tells me to walk, so I’m walkin’!
–Times Square
Overheard by: bully
Girl in lacy red tank top, black bra and low-cut pants, with a lower-back tattoo, on cell: So I had an 8:45 meeting with a congressman today that I totally forgot about. It’s like 8:50!
–77th & 3rd
Drunk man: Where are all my taxes going?! To housing for people who can only make over $60,000 a year?! I don’t wanna pay for a stadium! Mayor Bloomberg is an asshole! The elections are coming up, people!
Business guy: So why don’t you run for office?
Drunk man: I ain’t running for office! I want the people to know! The elections are coming up! Bloomberg is an asshole!
Business guy: And who’d you vote for?
Drunk man: I didn’t vote! I was on parole!…I ain’t on parole anymo’!
–Brooklyn bound J train
Overheard by: Cara
Girl on cell: What? What do you mean? What do you mean your audition is gonna be in a bathroom?
–42nd and 10th
Overheard by: dk
Hurrying lady: …and a urinal cake is worth fifteen points.
–43rd & 8th
Overheard by: Casper
Gay usher, loudly: Sex just isn’t the same when you’re constipated.
–Daryl Roth Theatre, Union Square
Hipster girl: So I just said to him, “Bye, I have to go now. I have diarrhea!”…Diarrhea is like the anti-aphrodisiac.
–Brooklyn bound F train
Woman on cell: Did you just say that you had a dream where Gene Wilder peed in your closet? Like, Willy Wonka, pissing on your clothes? Okay, I just wanted to make sure I heard correctly.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: baffled
Dude: Nah, I wouldn’t piss on someone if I didn’t know them.
–Bar, Queens
Man, to woman having trouble with the bathroom door: Oh come on, you fucking cunt, work the damn door. Big fucking place like this, they got only one bathroom, I am fucking pissing on the floor. I will piss on the damn floor. That’s my fucking right as an American. I’m a patriot. Patriot, that’s an adverb. An action adverb. Mrs. Riegell told me in third grade if you have a syllable you’ve got an adverb, and I got a damn syllable, so damnit, I’m pissing on the fucking floor.
–Virgin Megastore, Union Square
