New York Agrees: Wednesday One-Liners Are the People’s Choice

Hobo: All Democrats must dye their hair pink! All Democrats must dye their hair pink. Pink is the color of pussies! Therefore, all Democrats are pussies!

–16th & 8th

Overheard by: My hair isn’t pink and I’m voting for Spitzer

Man having trouble with the levers on his voting machine: Wait, I know what the problem is…I’m a Republican!

–Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: Not a Republican

Young fireman to conspiracy nut: You liberal bastard. I hope you die
in a fire. Motherfucker.

–Ground Zero

Overheard by: Jeremy C.

Hobo walking in the rain, yelling: All Democrats are Al Sharpton cock-suckers! The only question is do they spit or swallow the cum!

–12th St & 5th Ave

Posted on October 11, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Colors, Democrats, Ground Zero, Guys, Hair, Hobos, Insults, Politics, Republicans, The Village

They Should Be Made to Go and Live There

White lady, surrounded by "Save Darfur" ralliers: Who’s Darfur?
Husband: Well, I don’t know, but whoever he is, he sure is in a lot of trouble.

–6 train

Overheard by: Jill Benson

Posted on October 5, 2006
Global Geography, Idiots, On the Subway, Politics, Stupidity, White People

By ‘Unicorns’ He Means ‘Hummers,’ and by ‘Pots of Gold’ He Means ‘Pots of Gold’

Biker #1: The fact that he’s conservative doesn’t intrinsically make him ugly. There are attractive Republicans.
Biker #2: On unicorns with pots of gold!

–10th & Greenwich

Posted on September 19, 2006
Beauty, Politics, The Village, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

Wednesday One-Liners Make the Cover of People

Tween boy: Then Tom Cruise and Will Smith get married and have babies.

–74th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Rachel

3 year old: Ahhh, my mouth is on fire! My mouth is on fire! Help me, Tom Cruise!

–89th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex

Man to girlfriend: Shit, I like that Martha Stewart. She a gangsta in disguise.

–Kmart, Astor Place

Guy: He is like the L. Ron Hubbard of Teach for America.

–Lenny’s, 77th & 2nd

Overheard by: Rebecca

Crazy guy: You fuckers don’t deserve to be here! John Lennon died for peace and tolerance! Get the fuck out of here, queers! John died for peace and humanity!

— 72nd & Central Park West

Overheard by: emily

Chick on cell: Yeah, he wouldn’t watch my kid last night because he was hanging out with Wilmer Valderrama.

–1st Ave between 12th & 13th

Hobo: Betty Boop killed Martin Luther King!

–1 train

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Posted on September 6, 2006
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Death, Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Marriage, Movies, Murder, Music, Offers and requests, Politics, Religion, Stupidity, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Are Black and White and Read All Over

White girl on cell: Wait, you’re watching BET? Well, do you feel black and/or entertained?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Casey

Black guy: So you see, white bitches just don’t understand that I have a big ass penis.

–St. Mark’s

Teenage black girl: See those buildings over there? That’s where I stay. Yeah, it’s nice and shit. I like it. Too many white people moved in, though. That’s why I’m KKK…Krazy Kracker Killa!

–Uptown 1 train

Overheard by: aq

Black guy to white girl: You’d better not stay in the rain too long; sugar melts!

–117th & 5th

Overheard by: robin b

JAP: It’s not like I don’t like his parties, I just don’t fit in. Hello! I’m white!

–8th St & 5th Ave

Black guy: Well I have black friends, but they just don’t understand. You know what I’m sayin’? Certain races, dog.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Ghetto girl: What was these two white bitches doing in Harlem at 2:30 in the morning? You know how white they was? They so white they names was Ashley and Haley. That’s how white they was!

–Uptown 5 train

Midwestern tourist points to a black guy and says, to his tween daughter: You see that guy over there? You see how he’s a different color than you? You see that sometimes in big cities.

–Downtown 6 train

Overheard by: Gwen

Black girl to black friend: Yo, man, you’re acting like a black person.

–N train, Ditmars Blvd, Queens

Juicer: Oh, shit! We got customers in the store! We gotta stop acting so black!

–Jamba Juice, University Place

Frustrated woman, who has been trying in vain to hail a cab: What am I, black?

–21st & 6th

Black girl to black friend: We never gonna get a cab unless we start hangin’ with some white folks.

–Orchard & Houston

Overheard by: white folk

Teenage girl: But Bob Dylan is Jewish. That’s kind of black.

–Upper West Side

Black girl: Why we gotta be black all the time? Why can’t we be white for two minutes?

–Wendy’s, W 34th St

JAP: I hate being white!

–66th & Broadway

White teen girl: Now I know what it feels like to be a minority.

–Chinatown

White woman to black woman: I feel like I understand the black struggle because I feel I was black in a past life.

–Penn Station

Thug on cell: Black people like catfish also, nigga!

–110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Mappy and Chocolate

Ghetto girl at crosswalk: Ooh, lil’ white man tells me to walk, so I’m walkin’!

–Times Square

Overheard by: bully

Posted on August 9, 2006
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compliments, Food, Friendship, Gripes, Insults, Manhattan, Music, Names, Nicknames & name calling, NYC Geography, Penis, Politics, Psychic, Questions, Race, Stupidity, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

He Is Almost Certainly Going to Wait

Girl in lacy red tank top, black bra and low-cut pants, with a lower-back tattoo, on cell: So I had an 8:45 meeting with a congressman today that I totally forgot about. It’s like 8:50!

–77th & 3rd

Posted on August 5, 2006
Hootchies, One-liners, Politics, Time, Upper East Side

I Hear This Is How Tom Paine Got Started

Drunk man: Where are all my taxes going?! To housing for people who can only make over $60,000 a year?! I don’t wanna pay for a stadium! Mayor Bloomberg is an asshole! The elections are coming up, people!
Business guy: So why don’t you run for office?
Drunk man: I ain’t running for office! I want the people to know! The elections are coming up! Bloomberg is an asshole!
Business guy: And who’d you vote for?
Drunk man: I didn’t vote! I was on parole!…I ain’t on parole anymo’!

–Brooklyn bound J train

Overheard by: Cara

Posted on July 28, 2006
9 to 5-ers, Drunks, On the Subway, Politics

Wednesday One-Liners Are Potty Trained

Girl on cell: What? What do you mean? What do you mean your audition is gonna be in a bathroom?

–42nd and 10th

Overheard by: dk

Hurrying lady: …and a urinal cake is worth fifteen points.

–43rd & 8th

Overheard by: Casper

Gay usher, loudly: Sex just isn’t the same when you’re constipated.

–Daryl Roth Theatre, Union Square

Hipster girl: So I just said to him, “Bye, I have to go now. I have diarrhea!”…Diarrhea is like the anti-aphrodisiac.

–Brooklyn bound F train

Woman on cell: Did you just say that you had a dream where Gene Wilder peed in your closet? Like, Willy Wonka, pissing on your clothes? Okay, I just wanted to make sure I heard correctly.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: baffled

Dude: Nah, I wouldn’t piss on someone if I didn’t know them.

–Bar, Queens

Man, to woman having trouble with the bathroom door: Oh come on, you fucking cunt, work the damn door. Big fucking place like this, they got only one bathroom, I am fucking pissing on the floor. I will piss on the damn floor. That’s my fucking right as an American. I’m a patriot. Patriot, that’s an adverb. An action adverb. Mrs. Riegell told me in third grade if you have a syllable you’ve got an adverb, and I got a damn syllable, so damnit, I’m pissing on the fucking floor.

–Virgin Megastore, Union Square