Worried girl: I don't know what to do. I just met her, but she texts me non stop. Once I got off the plane, I had a text from her saying: “how's New York?” I didn't respond. It's weird.
Guy: Does she think you're a dyke?
Worried girl: I don't know. I told her my boyfriend and I broke up. I don't know why she'd think that.
Other girl: You should've responded to her text saying something like: “New York is great, I'm just sucking on some guy's dick right now.”
–Meatpacking District
Lady gentrifier: Like Joey Buttafuoco?
Guy gentrifier: Yes, like Joey Buttafuoco.
–Prospect Heights, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jordamn!
Male Columbia student: So did she give you the recommendation, or what?
Female Columbia student: Yeah, I wasn’t sure that she liked me that much… But then apparently she told them I walk on water in six-inch heels!
–1 Train
Queer #1: Oh my god, you work at a hedge fund? How much money do you make and how big is your cock?
Queer #2: Uhh… Eight and two. But I’m not telling you which is which.
–Phoenix, 13th & A
Overheard by: Queer #3
College girl: What's the Irish bacon?
Waiter: It's like Canadian bacon.
–Lyric Diner
Two-year-old boy: Mommy, I’m hungry.
Young mother: Okay honey, do you want some animal crackers when we get home?
Two-year-old boy: (sighs deeply) Okayyy, are they organic?
Young mother: Oh, of course they are! (hugs him reassuringly).
–Downtown E Train
Overheard by: Miki
Non-puking girl (holding hair of other girl): Are you done yet?
Puking girl: I think so.
Non-puking girl: We should probably get some gum before we go up to those guys' apartment.
–34th & Park Ave
Dad: It just seems silly. Why risk a lot for a little?
Teen son: It’s not a little, it’s my life!
–14th & 6th
Customer: Got anything to kill a mouse?
Clerk: Hammer!
Customer: Yeah, tried that.
–True Value Hardware Store, Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: I Prefer A Circular Saw
Wannabe Jew: Shprehen ze Deutche?
Religious Jew: Huh?
Wannabe Jew: Isn't that how you say “do you speak Yiddish?” in Yiddish?
Religious Jew: No.
(wannabe Jew looks around and walks away)
–Brooklyn Public Library
