Queer #1: Oh my god, you work at a hedge fund? How much money do you make and how big is your cock?
Queer #2: Uhh… Eight and two. But I’m not telling you which is which.
–Phoenix, 13th & A
Overheard by: Queer #3
Queer #1: Oh my god, you work at a hedge fund? How much money do you make and how big is your cock?
Queer #2: Uhh… Eight and two. But I’m not telling you which is which.
–Phoenix, 13th & A
Overheard by: Queer #3
College girl: What's the Irish bacon?
Waiter: It's like Canadian bacon.
–Lyric Diner
Two-year-old boy: Mommy, I’m hungry.
Young mother: Okay honey, do you want some animal crackers when we get home?
Two-year-old boy: (sighs deeply) Okayyy, are they organic?
Young mother: Oh, of course they are! (hugs him reassuringly).
–Downtown E Train
Overheard by: Miki
Non-puking girl (holding hair of other girl): Are you done yet?
Puking girl: I think so.
Non-puking girl: We should probably get some gum before we go up to those guys' apartment.
–34th & Park Ave
Dad: It just seems silly. Why risk a lot for a little?
Teen son: It’s not a little, it’s my life!
–14th & 6th
Customer: Got anything to kill a mouse?
Clerk: Hammer!
Customer: Yeah, tried that.
–True Value Hardware Store, Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: I Prefer A Circular Saw
Wannabe Jew: Shprehen ze Deutche?
Religious Jew: Huh?
Wannabe Jew: Isn't that how you say “do you speak Yiddish?” in Yiddish?
Religious Jew: No.
(wannabe Jew looks around and walks away)
–Brooklyn Public Library
Little girl with brand new doll: Mommy, what should I name her? I think I'll name her “Pussy”!
Mother: Uh!
Little girl: Pussy! Like “pussycat”!
Mother: Okay… maybe we should think of a different name!
Hipster sitting next to them: I'm going to have to send a few texts about this.
–Bus
Overheard by: bradlea
Four-year-old boy: Dad, if I die, when will I come back?
Father: As far as I know, you won't.
Four-year-old boy, untroubled, thoughtful: But…what if everyone dies?
Father: Well, other people will take their place. Because everyone doesn't die at once. Know what I mean?
Four-year-old boy: Where will we put mom if she dies?
Mother, just arriving: Good grief!
Father: In the ground. In a box in the ground.
–Barnes & Noble
Man: …and then we visited the Sphinx and the Great Pyramid.
Woman: The Great Pyramid is where the people had their apartments, right?
–The Village
Overheard by: Ava
