Drunk girl: No, really, how drunk are you?
Sober guy: Very drunk.
Drunk girl: Really?
Sober guy: Oh, shit, you totally just flashed that guy your vagina!
–E train
Drunk girl: No, really, how drunk are you?
Sober guy: Very drunk.
Drunk girl: Really?
Sober guy: Oh, shit, you totally just flashed that guy your vagina!
–E train
Middle-aged woman to others: Just because she's got her own apartment, she thinks she has it all together.
–Near NYU
Overheard by: Eric
20-something guy to another, about his apartment: All I want to do in my apartment is die.
–Fort Greene, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Dodd Loomis
Woman on cell, walking briskly: There was blood all over the apartment…
–E 9th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave
Cashier to male shopper: Dude, your apartment is rent-stabilized and you have food stamps? You are so rich!
–Whole Foods, Houston & Bowery
20-something trendy Jonas Brother-looking dude on cell: No, I sleep on the couch that's in the kitchen. (short pause) I'll tell you about my apartment later.
–9th Ave b/w 14th & 15th
Overheard by: Dash
Woman, yelling into cell: Why you gotta be eatin’ all my food for? You a damn crackhead, you don’t need no damned food!
Woman sitting next to her, shaking his head: Yeah, food is whack.
–M60 Bus
Overheard by: RickyB
Coloring kindergartner #1: Some animals have poison in them.
Coloring kindergartner #2, looking worried: Like kittens?
–Community Center Office
Teenage boy: I still don't get it, what's green and goes in the tank?
Teenage girl: The turtle.
Teenage boy: The turtle's turquoise…
Teenage girl: Its head is green!
Teenage boy: You do realize we're arguing over a Blue's Clues episode.
–Grand Central Station
DMV employee: You didn’t write down “Assault with a deadly weapon” on your form.
Woman: Oh shit, I forgot that?
–College Point DMV, Queens
Overheard by: Noelle
(two gay men are adjusting a backpack)
Gay guy #1: Oww, are you sure you know what you're doing?
Gay guy #2: Don't question me! I know how to use Velcro.
–51st Street Station
Hipster chick with "valley girl" accent: Ya, like, ohmigod, ewwwwww… So I was reading Cosmo, and like, there was this story, about like, guys' confessions, you know? And like, this random guy actually said, like, "Sometimes, I rub my dick on my cat's fur, and it feels good."
–Washington Square Park
10-year-old girl to another: I bet his idea of a hot girl is the crazy cat lady across the street.
–34th St, Astoria
Overheard by: Samantha
Woman to another: I have a friend in Belgium now–we both have cats!
–One World Financial Center
Overheard by: macgeekgrl
Brunette on phone: Do you want to play with your cat or do you want to play with me?
–60th St b/w Park & Madison
Overheard by: Adam B.
20-something on cell: And when I woke up, I had no idea where I was. Then I realized I was spooning his cat.
–Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: J Cox
Boy #1: What are you gonna be?
Boy #2: Soul of the devil.
Boy #1: What were you last year?
Boy #2, annoyed: Soul of the devil.
Boy #1: And the year before that?
Boy #2: Soul of the devil! I always go as soul of the devil.
Boy #1: What's soul of the devil?
Boy #2: This character I made up. He's like a lawyer for the devil. I have a cane.
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Man helping woman carry stroller down stairs: If you had taken the bloody pill when you said you were taking it, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.
–Broadway-Lafayette B/D/F/V Station
Overheard by: Jon A.
Man walking with girlfriend, loudly: Wait, did you bring your diaphragm?
–Times Square
Loud woman on cell: How many times do you have to have sex, and have a baby, before you realize: "If I have sex without a condom I will get someone pregnant."? Seriously!
–Broadway & 103rd St
Overheard by: Amy
Guy on phone: I always tell people that sex with you with a condom is better than sex with other girls without a condom.
–Outside Trader Joe's, 14th St
Zoo guide: This zoo likes to be careful with breeding animals by taking into account genes and the like. But then again, Zippy–the baby snow monkey–came along. So be careful with your birth control.
–Central Park Zoo, by the Snow Monkeys
Girl to another: I just don't see why we can't make our own condoms.
–14th St & 4th Ave
