Woman with baby to subway attendant: How do I get to the Empire Trade Center from Canal St?
Friend: Nah, how do we get to where them Twin Towers fell at?
–Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Woman with baby to subway attendant: How do I get to the Empire Trade Center from Canal St?
Friend: Nah, how do we get to where them Twin Towers fell at?
–Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Drunk redhead: What's your name again?
Not-so-drunk brunette: It's Autumn.
Drunk redhead: You mean like the month?
–41st St
Guy: Jimmy wrote a rap.
Girl: Is it good?
Guy: It was… “I'ma fuck her, I'ma fuck her, I'ma fuck her, I'ma fuck her in different ways.”
Girl: Oh.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Alex Berger
Barista: Weren't you showing me some German porn just a little earlier?
Patron: It was not porn! It was a music video! With…lots of naked German men in it.
Barista: And the difference is what, exactly?
–Starbucks Near Brooklyn College
Overheard by: Kosi
Girl: I think I have gout. Look at my fat knees!
Guy friend: Are you sure you're not just having self-image issues?
–Starbucks, 96th & Madison
Hobo to 20-something guy: Who you votin' for?
Guy: I don't vote.
Hobo: You better fuckin' not.
Guy to friends: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
–Little Italy
Older woman, enunciating precisely: I could never understand wanting to have a penis. I know *I* never wanted one.
–Hudson St
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Chick: Don't you feel better knowing your cock is better than fermented squid guts?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy to friend: And then it just popped out of the bag–you know, kind of like a penis pops out!
–Dunkin Donuts
Blond: But baby, the only thing that rhymes with penis is "mm mm good"!
–Restaurant, Brooklyn
Overheard by: what rhymes with vajay?
Little boy: (gibberish gibberish gibberish) Penis! (gibberish gibberish gibberish) Penis!
–Downtown N Train
Brunette NYU student: You know when like people in junior high ask you what you'd do if you had a penis for a day? I'd always say "piss in a soap dispenser."
–W 3rd b/w 6th & MacDougal
Overheard by: Alan
Conductor: Hey, partner, can we go? (static) We can't? Why the heck not? Hey, moron, get your ass in here! You're holding up a bunch of wonderful people! Wonderful New York commuters who don't need this kind of fucking bullshit at 3 on a Friday afternoon! (static) Yes, you! Keep pointing at yourself and my answer will keep being… Yes, it's you! Goddammit, get in the fucking train! I hate dealing with this! (long pause) You know what, make a decision: either cram your Rosie O'Donnell ass in or get the fuck out! Oh, look, he's in! (slow, sarcastic applause) Partner, we can bounce up on out of here now.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Train Wreck
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, for the next 250 years there will be track work on weekends. Don't say that no one told you.
–R Train
Overheard by: Mezz
Conductor: If you don't fit on this train kindly wait for the next B. (doors close) That was excellent, ladies and gentlemen, if you keep this up, we'll all be home really soon.
–B Train
Conductor, looking forward to the end of his shift: All right folks, this is your 6:07 train to New Haven stopping at 125th, then express to Stamford. We're off… (makes clippy-clop noises) Neeiiigghh!
–Metro-North Train
Overheard by: Amused passenger
Conductor: This is 125th Street, may the force be with you, next stop 86th Street.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Luke Skywalker
Conductor, after train goes through stop: Whoops! My bad. My bad.
–G Train
Overheard by: El David
Conductor, after train stops: Ladies and gentlemen, there is train traffic up ahead. We'll start moving as soon… (train starts moving) Oh, well, I guess that's cleared up. Weee!
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Guy to friend: Dude, I'm working on a new house song right now. It's going to kick ass. It's called "Google It". It goes "Googleit, Googleit, Googleit…"
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Ian
Two guys: Ladies and gentlemen, we are not asking for any money, we just want to sing a little Linkin Park. (they proceed to jump around and sing Linkin Park)
–Uptown N Train
Overheard by: Hametuka
Hipster to friend: Flava Flav…yeah, he's like that skinny guy in Lord of the Rings…you know… "my precioussss…" Yeah… That's him…just a darker version.
–Subway, Brooklyn
Preteen: I won't beat my wife! I listen to Bob Marley!
–E 21st St b/w 1st & 2nd
Dude (matter-of-factly): Crazy northerners…don't quite understand that we're aware of how to speak English in the South. We just choose to say things cooler. That's why Southern rap sounds so much cooler.
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: another misunderstood southerner
Middle aged tourist woman: Have you heard all of these Country Western songs about little girls recently? There's like four of them, and they're all really good too!
–Pinkberry, Bleecker b/w MacDougal & Sullivan
Overheard by: Jason
Loud black girl on train #1: Why ain't we goin' to the tattoo place on West 4th Street?
Loud black girl on train #2: Nah, we can't got there, Christine's homophobic. She can't go there.
–A Train
