JAP #1: Oh my god, did you hear about what Aaron wrote on Brittany's Facebook wall?
JAP #2: Oh my god, yeah, that's like, disgusting. Like, she looks like a fucking koala.
JAP #1: Totally. Like, who wants to date a tree climbing marsupial?
JAP #2: Fuck no! I'd rather kill my brother!
–Saks Fifth Avenue
Kmart security guard to dumbfounded customer: Excuse me, Korea is in America, right?
Customer: Korea!? Korea is an independent nation very far from the US in the east.
Security guard: Oh, okay, are you sure? Are you American?
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: astonished
Woman making dolls dance: Eeeeee! Eeeeee! Eeeeee!
Young woman, waiting for her coffee: They're very cute.
Woman with dolls (still dancing them): They are. Eeeee!
Young woman: Did you make them?
Woman with dolls: Yes, I did.
Young woman: I like their little sweaters.
Woman with dolls: I didn't make the sweaters.
Young woman: Oh.
–Starbucks
Stuck-up high school girl #1: Are you in distress?
Stuck-up high school girl #2: What does that mean?
Stuck-up high school girl #1: I think it means when you're pregnant.
–B Train
Overheard by: not too smart
45-year-old woman: So I ended up shaving it, and it looks so pretty! It's like I'm ten years old again!
–Houlihans Restaurant
Overheard by: remembers when she was ten years old
Girl on cell: Wait. The dad shaves the son's ass?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Guy in shower to guy in the next: Man, I am never shaving my pubes again.
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: traPt
Guy with a bunch of tattoos: The sex was great, but she was psychotic. Every time I shaved she would accuse me of having had oral sex with another woman.
–86th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Alan
British woman on cell: Are you shaving? Your face or your balls?
–13th & Broadway
Overheard by: Just around
Man handing out New York Post: New York Post! If you're illiterate, only 75 cents! If you only lookin at pictures, 50 cents!
–6th Ave & W 8th St
Overheard by: lady v
Man selling cotton candy: Get your cotton candy here! Cotton candy! I got your all-natural blue fibers of sugar right here! Straight from the blue cotton fields of…Virginia! Cotton candy, here!
–Shea Stadium
Street perfume seller to browser: You like Vera Wang, princess? This is genuine Wang.
–34th & 6th
Overheard by: Weary Communter
Street vendor: Hey, where are you ladies from? (two teenage girls walk by) Oh, that's cool, that's cool, I think I have a friend that lives there!
–7th & 40th
Overheard by: Tiffany
AM New York guy: Sir, would you like a paper this morning? No? No? (shakes head and looks at the ground) I don't care. (pause) It's okay, I don't care.
–145th & St. Nich
Overheard by: sorry charlie
Fake purse salesman: Gucci makes the coochie go woo woo!
–Times Square
Middle aged lady on cell: Lots of people say Dallas is really nice. Lots of nice people, nice weather. What do you have against it?" (pause) That was in '63!
–M79
Party girl to cool guy: Why can't you let me be nice? I'm not nice to anyone.
–77th & York Ave
Overheard by: UES Suit
Flamboyantly gay guy to crowd of girls at Pinkberry: You know, I was just trying to do something nice, and this is how you treat me? Fuck y'all, I'm gonna be the next President. (storms off)
–St. Mark's
Overheard by: scarface
Garbage man to another: Man, Attica is the best prison. High class. That shit is nice!
–81st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: eliza
Suit on cell: I wonder what his wife is like. She's probably nice, but rich. You know what I mean.
–2nd Ave & 88th St
Woman on cell: Nice people just can't tell if they're pregnant.
–W Houston & Varick
Overheard by: courtney messer
Conductor: Stand clear of the doors. You are delaying service. (pause, then impatiently) Stand clear of the doors! You are delaying service! (pause) I will come back there and stab you if you do not get out of the doorway.
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Special K
Loud girl: I will stab someone just to prove a point.
–E 187th
Overheard by: Martian
Woman on cell walking little boy: I told you he was an asshole last weekend. (pause) Why did you expect any different? (pause) You ain't gonna stab no nigga. I'm gonna call you "Captain Stab 'em." (laughs) You always saying you gonna stab somebody!
–Manhattan Bridge
Overheard by: Lacy
20-something man: I know…I just couldn't pull out my sword fast enough.
–Canal St
Overheard by: Richard
Actor: Yeah, it's a great part! I play a father who stabs his son…
–M23 Bus
Young suit: Wouldn't it be awesome if, like, right across the street from my apartment we could buy fireworks? …and swords!
–81st & Broadway
Girl: The Nazi?
Guy: The Nazi.
Girl: He's not so bad.
–St. Mark's Place
Woman to friends: So he and his…what do you call an 80-year-old girlfriend? His main squeeze?
Man: His chick!
–Broadway & 102nd
Headline by: markle9
Runners-Up:
· “Ashton Just Calls Her Demi” – AL
· “His Barely Living Proof Of Gravity?” – Aditya
· “His Early Bird Special?” – Siobhan
· “His Old Lady? Nah, That’s Too Obvious” – BLS Martha
· “I Believe A-Rod Calls Her Madge” – Gross
· “The Cool Kids Would Say “GILF”” – KateNonymous
