Noooo…!

(homeless woman who smells like urine exits train).
Gay guy to rest of train: Okay, does anybody have something I can spritz over here to get rid of this lingering smell?
(everybody on the train looks at him like he's crazy)
Sorority girl, smelling the urine: Oh my god. Is this smell from that woman?
Gay guy: Yeah.
Sorority girl: It's okay, I have something to spray over here.
(digs into purse and takes out an oddly shaped bottle of perfume, sprays a few times, and sits down)
Gay guy: That's a cool bottle.
Sorority girl: Thanks, it's Britney.

–2 Train

Posted on January 25, 2009
About Celebrities, Homeless, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Passengers, Pee, Queer guys, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls

Boomsday One-Liners

Black guy: That show was so white, I just wanted to bomb the place.

–W 49th & Broadway

Overheard by: Erin

19-year-old street vendor: Well, pipe bombs are easy…but they do a lot of damage.

–Chinatown

Guy dressed in sequined jacket, screaming on escalator: I can't fucking believe this fucking shit. They have no fucking radios. What K-Mart got no fucking radios? No fucking radios! (after a long pause) I'm gonna bomb this muthafucka to the ground.

–K Mart, 8th St

Overheard by: I Didn't Know the Unibomber Got a Makeover

Man on phone: Do you know why they bombed on 7/11?

–50th St & 9th Ave

20-something girl to friend, after large explosion is heard: Well, I'm from Detroit, so when I hear things like that it doesn't even bother me.

–Union Square Holiday Market

Overheard by: isa

Woman, as a grungy guy walks by: Whenever I see sullen long-haired bearded men in army jackets I am afraid something is going to get blown up.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Posted on January 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Chinatown, Fears, Friends, Girls, Ground Zero, Guys, Hair, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Race, Sensory Experiences, Store, Street, Terrorism, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Anything for a Laugh, You Know?

Blonde girl: I saw that really handsome guy on the bus yesterday, and I was so happy cuz I haven't seen him in a month. I actually got really close to him, too. But the worst thing happened.
Brunette girl: Oh, that like, 40-year-old hot guy? What, was he like, hideously disfigured up close or something? Did he smell like bologna?
Blonde girl: No. He was gorgeous and perfect as usual. It was much worse. I was listening to my iPod, and I noticed he was talking on the phone. I turned my iPod down to hear his voice, finally, and it…it was not good.
Brunette girl: Not god?
Blonde girl: It was like fucking Ray Romano. With the honk and the accent and the shrill nasal whine! I wanted to die! I wanted to die.

–R Train

Posted on January 8, 2009
About Celebrities, Beauty, Bimbettes, Compare/Contrast, Happiness, iPod, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Sensory Experiences

Why, Grandmother, What Big Wednesday One-Liners You Have!

Dude to girl: Just yesterday I was smoking a joint and my grandma was all "that smells good, Johnny, that smells good."

–Hop Scotch Cafe

Overheard by: bildita

Girl: Speaking of back-door entry, my grandma sent me an e-mail the other day.

–A Train

Overheard by: naiad

Woman: He's just lucky I learned some tricks from his great grandma.

–Dekalb Ave & Ashland Place

Guy to girl: You look like one of them li'l ass frilly dolls my grandma have on her bed. Cute. (girl stares) What, I'm not gonna get a thank-you for that?

–Canal St.

Overheard by: The

Girl to friend: And so my grandmother was that mail order bride!

–Beauty Salon, East Village

Overheard by: moca

Posted on January 7, 2009
Ass, Backdoor, Beauty, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Guys, Internet, Marriage, On the Subway, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

And Then My Guidance Counselor Tells Me I “Lack Planning Skills”?

Ghetto guy: And we had gotten a big group of girlies together to devour, we insatiable.
Ghetto girlfriend: Oh yeah, yeah, I gotcha.

–73rd & 3rd

Posted on December 25, 2008
Couples, Ghetto Chicks, Sensory Experiences, Upper East Side, Weirdness

Especially Right After She Takes It Out of His Ass

Girlfriend: Oh man, this soda tastes like my foot!
Boyfriend: How do you know what your foot tastes like? It could be delicious.
Girlfriend: Why do you always have to contradict me? I think it's a pretty accurate guess that my foot would not be too appetizing, Christ!

–Washington Square Park

Posted on December 23, 2008
Body Parts, Couples, Drinks, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Washington Square Park

Bleeding String Warts Are Social Suicide in New York

Teen girl #1: Ewwwwww.
Teen girl #2: I know, and it wasn't even vomit!

–Union Square

Posted on November 20, 2008
Girls, Sensory Experiences, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Vomit, Weirdness

When That Didn't Work, I Had a Box of Oreos

Blond girl in leggings: Oh my god, and then I had to give my practitioner a list of all the things wrong with my body, which was like, everything!
Brunette girl in leggings: Yeah, totally, everything!
Blond girl in leggings: And I can't believe that I was dry heaving! I mean, I've been anxious before but I've never dry heaved!
Brunette girl in leggings: Yeah, but sometimes some anxiety is good! It motivates you!
Blond girl in leggings: Yeah, but I had to do fifty sun salutations before I felt okay again!

–Columbia University Campus

Overheard by: amalthya