Every One-Liner Has His Wednesday

Girl to friend: If it weren't for my sister's dog, I wouldn't have to drink during the day.

–Greenpoint

Overheard by: Kevin

Gay dude to another: It's so amazing how dogs get all up in there. Like, what if people had to introduce themselves that way? How great would it be if when I met you I had to sniff your ass?

–17th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: BT

Girl on cell: So wait, did Dr Siegel really charge you 150 dollars to chop a pimple off the dog's booty?

–Hart & Irving, Brooklyn

Girl to guy: Ever spend a lot of time with a Shih Tzu?

–MacDougal & 3rd St

Female voice outside my window: And I'm keeping the dog leg–I don't even care what you have to say!

–113th St b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on January 6, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia University, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Man's Best Friend, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Stupidity, The Village, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

He'll Just Think My Virginity Came Back Again

Drunk chick #1, as she looks in the mirror: Hey guys!
Drunk chicks #2, #3, #4, and #5, in unison: Yeahhhh?
Drunk chick #1: I can't wait to go home and have sex with Cody* tonight! I love him so much!
Drunk chicks #2, #3, #4, and #5, in unison: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Drunk chick #1, truly forlorn: But I have my period!
Drunk chicks #2, #3, #4, and #5, in unison: Ewwwwwwwwwwww!
Drunk chick #1: It's okay. He's dumb. He won't know the difference.
Drunk chicks #2, #3, #4, and #5, in unison: Yayyyyy!

–Ladies' Room, Lotus, W 14th St

Overheard by: Uhm…

Posted on January 2, 2010
Bars & Clubs, Drunks, Girls, Love, Menstruation, Sex, Stupidity, The Village

The NYC Answer to “What Time Is It?” Is “Go Fuck Yourself”

50-year-old man with limited teeth: Do you know what time it is?
Attractive young preppy girl: Quarter to four.
50-year-old man with limited teeth: It's a quarter til I make sweet love to you.

–R Train

Overheard by: The mind boggles

Posted on December 31, 2009
Men, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Preppies, Questions, Sex, Time

…But You'll Have to Show Me Those Diagrams Again

Attractive 20-something man: Do you want me to sleep over tonight?
Attractive 20-something woman: Yes, but only if you put your penis in my vagina.
Attractive 20-something man: You've got yourself a deal.

–36th & 5th

Overheard by: lola

Posted on December 29, 2009
Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Penis, Sex, Vagina

Peanuts

Woman #1: We did it on his lunch break in a hotel by that cafe we like.
Woman #2: So I'm guessing it was quick?
Woman #1: Yeah, like one of those cartoons.

–Canal St

Overheard by: Mark

Posted on December 26, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Pop Culture, Sex, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

Clearly You've Never Made Condom Water Balloons.

NYU guy #1: If a girl asked me to go buy her some tampons, I wouldn't care.
NYU guy #2: Yeah. Actually, I'd rather buy tampons than condoms.
NYU guy #1: Yeah! Because like, with condoms it's like “yes, I am planning on having sex tonight”! But with tampons it's more like, “oh, what are you gonna use those for? A nose bleed?”

–Starbucks

Overheard by: fair point.

Posted on December 18, 2009
Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Frat Boys, Health and Hygiene, Sex, Starbucks

…It's Not Like I Take Notes.

College guy: Linda* sounds like a hot girl.
College friend: Yeah, well you should know if she's hot or not… you slept with her.

–47th & 8th

Posted on December 15, 2009
Beauty, Frat Boys, Friends, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Sex

Boys Don't Multitask Very Well

Girl: So, what do you want to do? Get some food? Get on the train?
Boy: I just want to have sex with you.

–Court & Atlantic

Posted on December 13, 2009
Brooklyn, Food, Girls, Guys, Public Transportation, Questions, Sex, Wishes & desires

A Farewell to Wednesday One-Liners

Teenage boy, explaining why he joined the Air Force: We've been around since World War II. We fought against the Germans and sank several submarines. We also killed a whale, but that's not the point.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

20-something dude to friend: Ma-fucking-rines! The Marines! Man, I'ma join up, be a Marine, and go all over the world, fuck, and have babies. I'ma get laid and have a baby in every country: Spain, France… even Pakistan!

–50th & 8th

Overheard by: camillia*

Little boy in army fatigues hiding behind fallen tree: Pow! Pow! Look, mommy! It's the Battle of the Bulge!

–St. Mark's

Lady with Russian accent to salesperson in outerwear section: I don't like the style, it's not feminine. It's like for soldiers, or Chinese people.

–Lord & Taylor, 39th St

Overheard by: mira

Off-duty MTA worker to another: Britain? Whatever man, we beat they ass with… muskets and shit!

–6 Train

Posted on December 9, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Clerks, Clothing, Customers, Friends, Gender issues, Gripes, Guys, History & Geography, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, On the Subway, One-liners, Private Parts, Queens, Race, School, Sex, Store, Street, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Violence, War, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Or Maybe That Was “Don't Use a Hotplate in Your Bedroom.” Hmm…

Catholic schoolgirl #1: I think I'm going to have sex with my boyfriend tonight.
Catholic schoolgirl #2: Well, you know… you can't use a condom.
Catholic schoolgirl #1: Really?
Catholic schoolgirl #2: Yeah… they taught us that in school, hello?!

–Starbucks, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jessa

Posted on December 7, 2009
Brooklyn, Catholics, Condoms, Education, Elementary & Middle School, School and studying, Sex, Starbucks, Students

Sex