“Wednesday One-Liners” by Mennen

45-year-old woman: So I ended up shaving it, and it looks so pretty! It's like I'm ten years old again!

–Houlihans Restaurant

Overheard by: remembers when she was ten years old

Girl on cell: Wait. The dad shaves the son's ass?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Guy in shower to guy in the next: Man, I am never shaving my pubes again.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: traPt

Guy with a bunch of tattoos: The sex was great, but she was psychotic. Every time I shaved she would accuse me of having had oral sex with another woman.

–86th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Alan

British woman on cell: Are you shaving? Your face or your balls?

–13th & Broadway

Overheard by: Just around

Posted on November 26, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, BJs, Body Parts, Brits, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazy, Family Ties, Girls, Hair, On Cell, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Street, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Yo' Mama's So Wednesday, She's a One-Liner!

Sleazy biker, taking a bottle from marathon relief table: My mother always told me I should be bottle-fed.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Uncomfortable volunteer

NYU student on cell, angrily: I was trying to show your mom a good time so I wouldn't have to stick my dick in her again!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: chris k.

Guido on cell: So you fucked the mother *and* the daughter?

–23rd & 3rd

Guy to girl: Anything over 50 is a super milf!

–Chelsea

Teen to friend: Cause I ain't no full-time mama. I'm a part-time mama.

–Church & Chambers

Middle aged hipster with ponytail and gray streaked goatee: I'm a soccer mom!

–Times Square

Posted on November 26, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Athletes, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinks, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Guidos, Guys, Hipsters, MILF, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Penis, Promiscuity, Sex, Street, Students, Stupidity, Teens, Times Square, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Then There's an Orchestral Interlude

Guy: Jimmy wrote a rap.
Girl: Is it good?
Guy: It was… “I'ma fuck her, I'ma fuck her, I'ma fuck her, I'ma fuck her in different ways.”
Girl: Oh.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Alex Berger

Posted on November 23, 2008
Girls, Guys, Music, Park Slope, Questions, Sex, Stupidity

Wednesday's One-Liners Are Standing at Attention

Thug: Yo, man! What color are my nipples? What color are my nipples?!

–LaGuardia High School

Teen to friend: Calm yo black nipples! Calm yo black nipples!

–Union Square

Overheard by: hairy pink nipples

Girl to friends: The idea of some machine sucking on my nipples just terrifies me!

–Bathroom, NYU

Overheard by: Trying to pee in peace

Random girl: Yeah, I have like four nipples.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Nameless

Tall beautiful 30-year-old curvaceous brunette in stockings and pumps on cell: I was like: "you're preaching about non-violence and you're touching my nipple!"

–Bleecker St

Overheard by: Janusz

Posted on November 19, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Colors, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Girls, Harassment, Nipples, NYU, On Cell, Sex, Staten Island Ferry, Street, Teens, The Village, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Tonight on Deadliest Catch

Mom: You've had crabs before?
40-something son: Yeah…but it wasn't from having sex with a dirty whore. It was from sleeping on a dirty bed.

–Bx 12 Bus

Overheard by: maritza

Posted on November 18, 2008
Guys, Moms, On the Bus, Prostitution, Questions, Sex, STDs

In Which Case I Was Looking Forward to Spraying This Mace

Annoying fundraiser guy: Scuse me, miss, if I could have a second of your time.
(cute girl stops and takes off headphones)
Annoying fund raiser guy: I work for the Children's Rights Foundation and I'm collec…
Cute girl (interrupting): Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you wanted sex.

–23rd St & 6th Ave

Posted on November 14, 2008
Bimbettes, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Money & Class, Panhandling, Sex, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Watch How He Explains Sex

Student: How do you vote, exactly? I've never done it before.
Professor: Well, you slide a little lever to the right. And then you slide to the left. It's kind of like the cha cha slide. Turn it out. Take it back now ya'll.

–Eugene Lang College

Posted on November 14, 2008
College, Dancing, Politics, Questions, Sex, Students, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness

What? We're Just Talking About Peeling Bananas

Guy #1: With her foot!?
Guy #2: Could you have said that any louder?

–Tom's Diner

Overheard by: fedmex

Posted on November 13, 2008
Body Parts, Guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

…Like the Rest of Us Have

Teen girl to friend: You should get a t-shirt that says “Will work for chocolate.”
Friend: You should get a t-shirt that says “Will have sex for free”!

–Montegue & Henry

Overheard by: Hal

Posted on November 10, 2008
Brooklyn, Clothing, Comebacks, Food, Free stuff!, Friends, Sex, Teens

“Moose, Elk, or Animals”?

Young earnest female: I don't care what that Palin bitch says… I mean, she is hot… like I would do her if her old man bailed on her.
Young bored female friend: You don't got no sense. She does frickin' moose, elk or animals and things.
Young earnest female: Men does sheep, why not women?
Young bored female friend: You ain't got the equipment, for one thing…

–Pelham Stop 3

Overheard by: Deder

Posted on November 10, 2008
Beastiality, Friends, Girls, Horny, Penis, Politics, Sex, The Bronx