Eric Cartman: “Wednesday One-Liner My Authori-tay!”

Disrespectful dude: We don't respect our old people here. Just makes more sense.

–Penn Station

Boisterous, deep voiced, West Indian woman: Miss, if you want respect, you must give respect! (pause) What the fuck are you gonna do about it? (pause) Miss, we will fight and we will die on this bus!

–Bus, Church Ave

Overheard by: Dena C.

Conductor: Please step away from the doors. (pause) I'm asking you in a nice way to please step away from the doors. (pause) If you do it out of respect for me, or, um, I guess, you don't have to, but at least respect the other passengers.

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Vivi

Guy: Yeah, I would never fart in her face, that's disrespectful.

–Madison Sqaure Garden

Overheard by: adelynn

Emphatic bakery delivery man to store manager: You guys don't respect my bread.

–46th St & 43rd Ave, Queens

Overheard by: Anna Rose

Guy on cell: I lost all respect for her after she fucked the ice cream man.

–Dust Bowl, Central Park

Overheard by: Jay Softe

Posted on December 17, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bosses, Central Park, Conductors, Death, Farting & Burping, Fighting and ass kicking, Food, Guys, India Indians, Insults, Madison Square Garden, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Queens, Sex, Strangers, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liner Are the Low Hanging Fruit on the Family Tree

Man on cell: Hey mom… It's your son! You jackass!

–Bleecker & Mercer

Hot girl to hot friend: Has my brother ever told you his glue stories? (friend shakes head) Well… (begins whispering)

–2 Train

Man shouting on cell: I didn't know she was your sister! Jesus!

–Amtrak Train

Four-year-old to another: I'll be the mother and you the daughter, so you the boss of me.

–Ave D

Woman to friend: Not only is he messing with my marriage, but now I gotta tell my kids they ain't brothers!

–Park Ave & 125th St

Woman to another: …so I was fucking your brother.

–Theatre District

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Apologies, Bimbettes, Family Ties, Friends, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kids, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Promiscuity, Sex, Street, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liner Get Paid Under the Table

Guy drinking wine: Coming to work wasted is frowned upon, but also lovingly embraced.

–Tartine, West Village

Fake bag hawker to woman in suit with briefcase: Can I get a job, miss? Are you hiring, miss?

–Canal St

Suit: When I die, don't go to my funeral, just go to work.

–33rd St &3rd Ave

Crazy girl on cell: All I know is that I need a really fucking good job with no fucking drug test.

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Sam Fez

Weird guy to girl: I mean, I come home from work not feeling sexy at all. (subway car screeches) It's not exactly the most testosterone-filled job there is. (car screeches loudly again, then guy starts using hand motions) I have no idea how to get in the mood again!

–6 Train

Overheard by: fresca

Boss to peon: And grab Mary. (pause) Gently.

–Broadway

Posted on December 17, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bosses, Crazies, Death, Drugs, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Museum of Natural History, Offers and requests, Office politics, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Strangers, Suits, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

I Got Thrown Going Around a Curve

College bro-dude #1: Man, I really fucked up my arm.
College bro-dude #2: Yeah. You need to get an x-ray.
College bro-dude #1: Man, I knew I shouldn't have fucked a fat chick.

–Clark St, Brooklyn

Posted on December 11, 2008
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Frat Boys, Medicine, Physical appearance, Sex, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Giggle When They Hear the Word “Penal”

Woman to two male companions: I've fornicated lots of times, and I've never been arrested!

–A Train, Grand Central

Guy handing out tickets: Comedy club tickets, tickets tickets, get drunk and possibly arrested!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Chadwick

50-something on cell: I was watching America's Most Wanted last night to see if I could see…our boy!

–DeKalb & Cumberland, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lea

Grungy guy, carrying a slice and a bottled drink: I don't believe in putting off till tomorrow what I can do today…because tomorrow I might be back in jail.

–Sheridan Square

Overheard by: Suze Volchok

Guy on cell: It's always comforting when I imagine people I don't like being anally raped in prison.

–Prince & Sullivan

Bus driver: The next stop is QCC. Queens Correctional Cen…I mean, Queens Community College.

–Q27 Bus

Overheard by: hey! i go there …

Posted on December 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Brooklyn, Bus Drivers, Crime and Punishment, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Grand Central, Guys, Men, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parks, Prison, Rape, School and studying, Sex, Soho, Store, Times Square, TV, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women, Words

The Voters Have Spoken

Guy: Want to come back to my place?
Girl: I thought you had a girlfriend.
Guy: I told you, I just haven't broken up with her yet!
Girl: Fine, but you still have a girlfriend.
Guy: Fuck that. I still have a girlfriend only in the same sense that Bush is still President.

–Blue & Gold

Overheard by: true…

Posted on December 9, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Insults, President, Relationships, Sex, Union Square and East Village

I'm Beginning to Rethink Our Friendship

Guy #1: I can't believe you didn't go home with him. You're anti-sex.
Girl: He's a commuter! I'm not anti-sex! I'm anti-finding my way home from the suburbs.
Guy #2: You'd make a terrible hooker.

–54th & 9th

Overheard by: Bubbles

Posted on December 7, 2008
Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Prostitution, Sex

This Is How They Keep Their Marriage Fresh

Hot 20-something blonde: Stop staring at other girls! Do you know how lucky you are to have me? Most men your age would kill to have a girlfriend this hot!
40-something boyfriend: For the last time, you aren't my girlfriend!
Hot 20-something blonde: Oh, don't pull that again. I am so. You don't just get to fuck me in every hole for a year and say I'm not your girlfriend! You are so lucky to have me! You aren't even that rich!
40-something boyfriend: I will pay you $500 to shut the fuck up for the rest of the day.
Hot 20-something girlfriend: Done.

–52nd & 8th

Posted on December 6, 2008
Age/Aging, Bimbettes, Boyfriends, Girlfriends, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Relationships, Sex

When I Climax I'll Yell Out, “I Hate Freedom!”

Girl #1: I don't know about you girls, but I'm fucking something tonight.
Girl #2: Don't you have a boyfriend?
Girl #1: Well, he's not around. Fuck this American bullshit. I'm getting laid.

–Fulton & Naussau

Overheard by: prince