Wednesday One-Liner Get Paid Under the Table

Guy drinking wine: Coming to work wasted is frowned upon, but also lovingly embraced.

–Tartine, West Village

Fake bag hawker to woman in suit with briefcase: Can I get a job, miss? Are you hiring, miss?

–Canal St

Suit: When I die, don't go to my funeral, just go to work.

–33rd St &3rd Ave

Crazy girl on cell: All I know is that I need a really fucking good job with no fucking drug test.

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Sam Fez

Weird guy to girl: I mean, I come home from work not feeling sexy at all. (subway car screeches) It's not exactly the most testosterone-filled job there is. (car screeches loudly again, then guy starts using hand motions) I have no idea how to get in the mood again!

–6 Train

Overheard by: fresca

Boss to peon: And grab Mary. (pause) Gently.

–Broadway

Posted on December 17, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bosses, Crazies, Death, Drugs, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Museum of Natural History, Offers and requests, Office politics, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Strangers, Suits, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

I Got Thrown Going Around a Curve

College bro-dude #1: Man, I really fucked up my arm.
College bro-dude #2: Yeah. You need to get an x-ray.
College bro-dude #1: Man, I knew I shouldn't have fucked a fat chick.

–Clark St, Brooklyn

Posted on December 11, 2008
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Frat Boys, Medicine, Physical appearance, Sex, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Giggle When They Hear the Word “Penal”

Woman to two male companions: I've fornicated lots of times, and I've never been arrested!

–A Train, Grand Central

Guy handing out tickets: Comedy club tickets, tickets tickets, get drunk and possibly arrested!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Chadwick

50-something on cell: I was watching America's Most Wanted last night to see if I could see…our boy!

–DeKalb & Cumberland, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lea

Grungy guy, carrying a slice and a bottled drink: I don't believe in putting off till tomorrow what I can do today…because tomorrow I might be back in jail.

–Sheridan Square

Overheard by: Suze Volchok

Guy on cell: It's always comforting when I imagine people I don't like being anally raped in prison.

–Prince & Sullivan

Bus driver: The next stop is QCC. Queens Correctional Cen…I mean, Queens Community College.

–Q27 Bus

Overheard by: hey! i go there …

Posted on December 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Brooklyn, Bus Drivers, Crime and Punishment, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Grand Central, Guys, Men, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parks, Prison, Rape, School and studying, Sex, Soho, Store, Times Square, TV, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women, Words

The Voters Have Spoken

Guy: Want to come back to my place?
Girl: I thought you had a girlfriend.
Guy: I told you, I just haven't broken up with her yet!
Girl: Fine, but you still have a girlfriend.
Guy: Fuck that. I still have a girlfriend only in the same sense that Bush is still President.

–Blue & Gold

Overheard by: true…

Posted on December 9, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Insults, President, Relationships, Sex, Union Square and East Village

I'm Beginning to Rethink Our Friendship

Guy #1: I can't believe you didn't go home with him. You're anti-sex.
Girl: He's a commuter! I'm not anti-sex! I'm anti-finding my way home from the suburbs.
Guy #2: You'd make a terrible hooker.

–54th & 9th

Overheard by: Bubbles

Posted on December 7, 2008
Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Prostitution, Sex

This Is How They Keep Their Marriage Fresh

Hot 20-something blonde: Stop staring at other girls! Do you know how lucky you are to have me? Most men your age would kill to have a girlfriend this hot!
40-something boyfriend: For the last time, you aren't my girlfriend!
Hot 20-something blonde: Oh, don't pull that again. I am so. You don't just get to fuck me in every hole for a year and say I'm not your girlfriend! You are so lucky to have me! You aren't even that rich!
40-something boyfriend: I will pay you $500 to shut the fuck up for the rest of the day.
Hot 20-something girlfriend: Done.

–52nd & 8th

Posted on December 6, 2008
Age/Aging, Bimbettes, Boyfriends, Girlfriends, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Relationships, Sex

When I Climax I'll Yell Out, “I Hate Freedom!”

Girl #1: I don't know about you girls, but I'm fucking something tonight.
Girl #2: Don't you have a boyfriend?
Girl #1: Well, he's not around. Fuck this American bullshit. I'm getting laid.

–Fulton & Naussau

Overheard by: prince