Guy #1: And you know if you use it too much, like if you fuck everybody it just…it falls off.
Guy #2: Yeah, that almost happened to me once.
–Elevator, Apple Store
Guy #1: And you know if you use it too much, like if you fuck everybody it just…it falls off.
Guy #2: Yeah, that almost happened to me once.
–Elevator, Apple Store
Middle-aged lady to guy handing out Obama and McCain condoms: Now I've got something to play with tonight! All I need is a man.
–42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: I Hate Times Square
30-something dad on cell pushing small child in stroller: You know, I'm all in favor of that Plan B medication.
–Park Slope, Prospect Park
Overheard by: Alex
Girl in elevator to friend: I don't even know why you need condoms, they break anyway. But I didn't get pregnant!
–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Kar
Guy at the sidewalk: Anybody wants McCain, Obama and Palin condoms? McCain, Obama and Palin condoms…get it here! Because either way, you're screwed!
–Times Square
Overheard by: non voter
Girl to bartender: Can I get some of those condoms? (bartender takes out two) I mean, like a bunch? I'm a big dirtbag.
–Boss Tweeds
Suit on cell: You just wrap it in duct tape and put a condom on it.
–7th St & Ave A
Overheard by: Karmenlara Seidman
Disrespectful dude: We don't respect our old people here. Just makes more sense.
–Penn Station
Boisterous, deep voiced, West Indian woman: Miss, if you want respect, you must give respect! (pause) What the fuck are you gonna do about it? (pause) Miss, we will fight and we will die on this bus!
–Bus, Church Ave
Overheard by: Dena C.
Conductor: Please step away from the doors. (pause) I'm asking you in a nice way to please step away from the doors. (pause) If you do it out of respect for me, or, um, I guess, you don't have to, but at least respect the other passengers.
–Downtown 6 Train
Overheard by: Vivi
Guy: Yeah, I would never fart in her face, that's disrespectful.
–Madison Sqaure Garden
Overheard by: adelynn
Emphatic bakery delivery man to store manager: You guys don't respect my bread.
–46th St & 43rd Ave, Queens
Overheard by: Anna Rose
Guy on cell: I lost all respect for her after she fucked the ice cream man.
–Dust Bowl, Central Park
Overheard by: Jay Softe
Man on cell: Hey mom… It's your son! You jackass!
–Bleecker & Mercer
Hot girl to hot friend: Has my brother ever told you his glue stories? (friend shakes head) Well… (begins whispering)
–2 Train
Man shouting on cell: I didn't know she was your sister! Jesus!
–Amtrak Train
Four-year-old to another: I'll be the mother and you the daughter, so you the boss of me.
–Ave D
Woman to friend: Not only is he messing with my marriage, but now I gotta tell my kids they ain't brothers!
–Park Ave & 125th St
Woman to another: …so I was fucking your brother.
–Theatre District
Guy drinking wine: Coming to work wasted is frowned upon, but also lovingly embraced.
–Tartine, West Village
Fake bag hawker to woman in suit with briefcase: Can I get a job, miss? Are you hiring, miss?
–Canal St
Suit: When I die, don't go to my funeral, just go to work.
–33rd St &3rd Ave
Crazy girl on cell: All I know is that I need a really fucking good job with no fucking drug test.
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Sam Fez
Weird guy to girl: I mean, I come home from work not feeling sexy at all. (subway car screeches) It's not exactly the most testosterone-filled job there is. (car screeches loudly again, then guy starts using hand motions) I have no idea how to get in the mood again!
–6 Train
Overheard by: fresca
Boss to peon: And grab Mary. (pause) Gently.
–Broadway
College bro-dude #1: Man, I really fucked up my arm.
College bro-dude #2: Yeah. You need to get an x-ray.
College bro-dude #1: Man, I knew I shouldn't have fucked a fat chick.
–Clark St, Brooklyn
Woman to two male companions: I've fornicated lots of times, and I've never been arrested!
–A Train, Grand Central
Guy handing out tickets: Comedy club tickets, tickets tickets, get drunk and possibly arrested!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Chadwick
50-something on cell: I was watching America's Most Wanted last night to see if I could see…our boy!
–DeKalb & Cumberland, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Lea
Grungy guy, carrying a slice and a bottled drink: I don't believe in putting off till tomorrow what I can do today…because tomorrow I might be back in jail.
–Sheridan Square
Overheard by: Suze Volchok
Guy on cell: It's always comforting when I imagine people I don't like being anally raped in prison.
–Prince & Sullivan
Bus driver: The next stop is QCC. Queens Correctional Cen…I mean, Queens Community College.
–Q27 Bus
Overheard by: hey! i go there …
Guy: Want to come back to my place?
Girl: I thought you had a girlfriend.
Guy: I told you, I just haven't broken up with her yet!
Girl: Fine, but you still have a girlfriend.
Guy: Fuck that. I still have a girlfriend only in the same sense that Bush is still President.
–Blue & Gold
Overheard by: true…
Guy #1: I can't believe you didn't go home with him. You're anti-sex.
Girl: He's a commuter! I'm not anti-sex! I'm anti-finding my way home from the suburbs.
Guy #2: You'd make a terrible hooker.
–54th & 9th
Overheard by: Bubbles
Hot 20-something blonde: Stop staring at other girls! Do you know how lucky you are to have me? Most men your age would kill to have a girlfriend this hot!
40-something boyfriend: For the last time, you aren't my girlfriend!
Hot 20-something blonde: Oh, don't pull that again. I am so. You don't just get to fuck me in every hole for a year and say I'm not your girlfriend! You are so lucky to have me! You aren't even that rich!
40-something boyfriend: I will pay you $500 to shut the fuck up for the rest of the day.
Hot 20-something girlfriend: Done.
–52nd & 8th
