Guy #1, wearing American Apparel sweater: Brr.
Guy #2: Man, I freaking hate American Apparel!
Guy #1: Yeah, this sweater's thin as hell!
Guy #2: No, I mean like they're all “American” Apparel” so they can sell to Americans, pretending to be made by Americans. Meanwhile, their clothes are being made in California!
–Elevator, St. George Hotel, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Crazy Person
Crazy guy: You know, there's a big sale going on, on stars. They're only $10,000.
Amused girl: Oh wow, that's cheap, I totally wish I had $10,000.
Crazy guy: Actually, I'm trying to put together a benefit for endangered animals.
–Union Square
Queer #1: Ooh, I love this rug! Look at it. Don’t you want to put it outside the door like right now?
Queer #2: Ooh, yeah, right. I love the colors. They say: go away!
–Bed, Bath and Beyond, 18th & 6th
Dorky little white kid: What happens if I fall in the tracks?
Dorky white dad: I guess I'd have to buy a new kid.
Dorky little white kid: That's beastin'!
–Q Train
Overheard by: that *is* beastin'
Two girls are looking at Bibles.
Girl #1: There are so many.
Girl #2: Get a smaller one.
Girl #1: I don’t really care how big it is.
Girl #2: The small ones are cute.
Girl #1: I don’t care. I just want it to be a good story, ya know?
Girl #2: I don’t even know what I believe anymore.
–Barnes & Noble, 86th & 2nd
Overheard by: Shannon
Guy #1: Then, when I get all the money, I’m gonna buy [unintelligible].
Guy #2: What? Buy what?
Guy #1: [Mumbles.]Guy #2: Man, you can’t get that here! You gotta go to Sotheby’s to buy that!
–Outside Food Emporium, 83rd & 3rd
Drunk customer: What kind of drunk return policy do you have?
Cashier: It’s a 14-day return policy.
Drunk customer: That’s not much of a drunk policy. Most guys get drunk and wake up next to women they regret the next day. Me? I wake up next to Dostoievsky and Dickens after a bender. I love New York!
–Barnes & Noble, Park Slope
Overheard by: Random
Frantic woman: Please help me! I need double-stick tape and a whistle!
–K-Mart, 34th St
Lesbian #1: Oh, that store is so much fun!
Lesbian #2: What would we possibly need there?
–Condomania, Bleecker Street
Overheard by: Danie
Thug to friend: That bitch looked up at me and said, "Damn, your dick tastes like coffee."
–86th St & Lexington
Overheard by: TINA
Female suit to other: Duane Reade is like the Starbucks of drugstores!
–Duane Reade
Old lady with shopping cart, exiting voting booth: Where's my Starbucks coupon?
–PS163, Bath Beach, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Torgo61
Guy on cell: Hey, bro! I'm having coffee and a bagel. (pause) No, an animal did not have to die for me to have this coffee!
–Arthur Avenue
Overheard by: eternal student
Man with heavy Indian accent holding a cup of Starbucks coffee: No, the most expensive coffee in the world is coffee beans eaten and then pooped out by a cat. It's $120 a cup.
–Elevator, 7th Ave & 31st St
