College girl: Fuck, I have to do this research paper on Anne Frank over the holiday week!
College guy #1: Make sure to include the part about her being a lesbian.
College guy #2: Anne Frank was not a lesbian, you idiot!
College guy #3: No, I am pretty sure I saw one of the videos she made once.
College girl (walking away): I'm gonna go throw up.
College guy #2: How the hell did either of you even get into college?
–8th St & 6th Ave
White college dude with glasses: Guys, you absolutely must check out this new reality television show. It is off the hiz-ook. Literally, off the hiz-ook.
College chick: Why do we hang out with you?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Vicksburg
College girl #1: So I think I’ll just get the whole thing waxed, so that the next time I go, it just won’t hurt that much.
College girl #2: I don’t get it.
College girl #1: Like, I’ll be hairy the first time, so it will hurt, and then when I go back, I’ll be like: “Oh, that wasn’t as painful as the first time.”
College girl #2: Shit, shut up! You’re so loud! Now that guy knows you have a hairy vagina.
–Union Square Train Station
Overheard by: the trainman
Train conductor: Now arriving at 116th street, Columbia University. Ivy league. Ivy league… Ivy league… Ivy league… Stand clear of the closing doors.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Amused Subway Rider
Guy on phone: I’m a tool, I’ll admit that.
–College Walk, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ed
Chick on cell: How did they know I was feeling hormonal? And did they need to announce it on my boarding pass?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: YotGC
(Columbia student #1 jaywalks in front of a car)
Columbia student #2: I can’t get hit by a car right now! I have a paper to write!
–115th & Broadway
(two frat boys in boxers run a lap down 113th as a third cheers them on)
Sorority girl: Sometimes I wonder how some of these people get into Columbia…
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: wondering the same thing
College girl #1: Jake is the kind of gay where you don’t know he’s gay and when you find out, it makes sense. Nobody can be that hot and that straight. It wouldn’t be fair to every other girl out there if you were dating him. He’s the kind of gay you cry over when you find out.
College girl #2: Every guy is gay here. How did you not know that he was? It’s like, a prerequisite to get in.
–Fordham University Lincoln Center
College girl: Woah, dude! How do you even live?!
College guy: I mean, I dunno. I just like pee outta my mouth.
–4th & Mercer
Guy on cell: Dude, the girl is hot. We kissed a little last night, but I just wanna make out with her. I just wanna make out with her all night long. [Pause.] Yeah, I said make out.
–73rd & 1st
Overheard by: Missy
Overweight hipster girl with lisp: I’m the make-out masta.
–NYU Hayden Hall
Overheard by: The Doctor
Balding frat guy to girlfriend: Dude, open your eyes a little bit when we make out so it’s not like I’m raping you.
–C Train
Overheard by: I hate when that happens, too
Drunk girl: …so they ended up making out in a port-a-potty.
–Spring & Lafayette
College girl on cell: Don’t move in with him, just make out with people!
–Starbucks, West 43rd & Broadway
Overheard by: good advice
Teenage boy to father: You know, everyone knows you’re a furry now.
–Food Emporium, 86th St
Curly-haired chick on cell: It’s like you’re a health nut but with S&M tendencies.
–Ouidad
Overheard by: Pookins
Woman on cell: I’m constantly carrying around like four outfits, paperwork, leftover food, and collars.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: McF
Man on cell: Look, if you want to have sex with animals just get drunk and do it!
–Burrito Shop
Overheard by: Marc
Suit: …So if I raise the bed, then I can put the S&M toys under it.
–Bed, Bath, and Beyond
Overheard by: Katie
20-something college girl: Dude! I don’t know how I ended up on my knees calling him "Sir" okay!?… It just happened…
–St. Marks b/w 1st & A
Overheard by: i wish i was
Hot nerd on cell: I mean seriously, what’s the point of having friends if you can’t occasionally accuse them of sexual deviance?
–40th & 3rd
Dude on cell: I’m okay with it. As long as nobody slaps me or calls me gay or spits on me. Those are my three things. As long as nobody does those three things.
–21st St & 8th Ave
Asian girl: You gave me the gay!
–C Train
Overheard by: Jordan
Female cop to male cop: You a queer? For real, you queer? You a queer? You a queer? Oh, I didn’t know that. Okay. [Nods.]
–C Train
Barnard girl to friends: I don’t think he’s gay, I just think he has problems having sex with women.
–Columbia University Steps
Overheard by: John Jay
Man to friend: See, I told you this was a gay neighborhood, look at all the women!
–Montague Street, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: glekapolis
Loudly homophobic guy: Gay! Gay! My ass hurts from watching that preview!
–AMC Theater, Times Square
Overheard by: Lo
Young college girl #1: So she said to do Kegel exercises when you are on the subway.
Young college girl #2: That makes sense. When you’re on the subway no one knows you are doing them!
Young college girl #3: [tries to wrap legs over head] Is this how you do them? Wait, aren’t they supposed to make you tighter?
–E Train
Overheard by: I do them at work
