Puerto Rican thug #1: Man, you gotta wash yo’ hands before you touch yo’ dick, man. You don’t know what’s on ’em. Don King said that.
Puerto Rican thug #2: True that. Yo… Don King said that?
Puerto Rican thug #1: Yeah, with the hair.
–Restroom, Sony Wonder Lab, Madison Ave
Overheard by: Dan
Child with doll in tow: Mommy, I really want Mia.
Park avenue mom #1: Well, maybe. Wouldn’t it be cool if they just sold the heads?
Park Avenue mom #2, poking head out of stall: What?
Park Avenue mom #1: Like, if they just sold Julie’s head, or Addy’s head?
–American Girl Store Bathroom
Overheard by: Layla
Dude #1: I hate these bathrooms ’cause everyone’s showing off their dicks.
Dude #2: No, they got guys trying to look over to see.
–Port Authority
Guy #1 peeing in urinal moans loudly.
Guy #2 peeing in urinal: You ok, man?
Guy #1 peeing in urinal: God, I should have used a condom!
–28th & 10th, Crobar
Girl in stall: Oh, shit, I dropped my phone in the toilet!
The phone rings.
Girl in stall: And how the hell am I supposed to answer that now?!
–2nd Ave Deli bathroom
Overheard by: Rue Silver
Suit on cell: I said to him, "If I had my dick out on the bar, you think she wouldn't look at it?" and he kept telling me I owed her an apology, so I said, "Sweetheart, sorry I looked at your pussy." Listen, I gotta get off the train now. I'll call you back.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Pasty
Guy standing at lowered urinal to guy standing at regular height urinal: The low urinal is for the guys with big dicks, so they don't bottom out.
–Roc Restaurant
Guy to group of friends (boisterously): I only date chicks with small hands…makes my dick look huge!
–St. Andrews Bar
Overheard by: allimax
Woman (screaming into phone): Suck my dick, bitch!
–Near Manhattan Mall
Guy shouting into cell: We got a cab. And you can eat a dick.
–Hanover & Water
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed because some dick is holding the door. We will be moving when the dick takes his arm out the door.
–4 Train
Overheard by: jessie
Toddler: Mommy, this bathroom is dirtyyy! Mommy? What’s the cleanest place in the world?
Mother: I don’t know, that’s a good question.
Toddler: Well, I know that the dirtiest place ever, ever, ever, ever, ever is Chick-Fil-A.
–Restroom, Lunt-Fontanne Theatre
Overheard by: Not eating at Chick-Fil-A anymore
Man in stall, struggling: Damn you, Taco Bell!
–Bathroom, John Jay College
Girl on cell in stall: I liked him better when he was homeless.
–Bathroom, Lerner Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: Sydney
Drunk hipster in stall: Don’t get the kielbasa sandwich.
–Club Warsaw, Williamsburg
Overheard by: nickporjr
Man on cell in stall: Hold on a second, honey. [Biological sounds] Okay, I’m back. Look, there’s no way to say this other than right out. This week together made me think things over. Will you marry me?
–Office bathroom, 44th & Lex
Overheard by: Tony
Drunk girl in stall, to herself: Okay, this time let’s try not to pee all over my jeans.
–Cabana, Maritime Hotel
Girl in stall: Uggghhh! Fuck… [Panting] Fuck!
–Bathroom, Fordham Law School
Overheard by: Seriously concerned
Guy at urinal: Oh yeah, son! Yeah, I am dominating this shit!
–Library Bathroom, Fordham University
[In the next stall.]Chick #1: I can’t get it in it! It hurts!
Chick #2: Lift up your leg and try again!
Chick #1: Dude! It’s not gonna fit! It hurts too much!
Chick #2: Here, let’s try the third one.
–McDonald’s Restroom
Overheard by: Slowly walking out the door
Woman in stall #1: ….I can’t believe he said that!
Woman in stall #2: I can’t believe I’m taking a shit in public!
–Mary Ann’s West, Broadway
Overheard by: Sarah Glazer
