Guy on cell: Yeah, I’m excited to come up and visit you, but I heard your school has a lot of STDs. Should I even bother bringing my cock?
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Guy on cell: Yeah, I’m excited to come up and visit you, but I heard your school has a lot of STDs. Should I even bother bringing my cock?
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Guy #1: What? He gave you crabs?
Guy #2: Well, apparently he didn’t remember I was allergic to shellfish.
–The Village
Hot Girl: …and then gonorrhea. Yeah, I think that’s all I’ve had. Not as bad as I thought!
–Union Square Station
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Pretty, straight girl: Ohmigod, this is delicious! Try it!
Gay guy at bar: Ohmigod, I hope I don't give you herpes!
Pretty, straight girl: I'll be so mad if you give me herpes.
–Alta Restaurant
Girl #1: Hey, if you were dating someone new and then they told you on, like, the third date or whatever that they had genital herpes, would you continue dating them? I mean, like, would you sleep with someone like that?
Girl #2: I don't know. Maybe. I mean, I feel like a lot of people who have herpes don't even know it, so the fact that they told you probably means they're responsible enough to get checked, and they, like, know how to take care of it and everything. In a weird way you may be less likely to get it from them than from someone who never mentions herpes at all.
Girl #1: That's interesting. I think I could do it if, like, I saw myself marrying them. Cause then I wouldn't have to worry about getting it and giving it to someone else. We could just get married, be in love, and be happy together, and grow old with each other, and with herpes.
Girl #2, seriously: That's so romantic.
–American Apparel, Chelsea
Overheard by: Has a different definition of
Girl on cell: Yeah, the breakup was tough, but I'm feeling good about it now! (pause) Hell, yes, I'm dating! (pause) Yeah, it's an exciting time! So much suspense, so many questions! Will he call me? Whom should I choose? Does he like me? Do I have syphilis?
–M4 Bus
Overheard by: All good questions
Drunk gay guy who just dropped lit cigarette: Shit! If I pick this up, do I have herpes?
–Waverly & University Place
Guy to friend: Nietzsche had syphilis… Why can't I?
–G Train
Woman at newsstand: Do you sell anything for herpes and cold sores?
–W 4th St
Overheard by: wow…i didnt kno they sold that her
Gay man to girlfriend: Is Mr Syphilis coming?
–24th & 2nd
Overheard by: erkala
Girl on cell: I don't need anything else. I've got 20 dollars, my phone, and a condom.
–11th & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Alex
Flamboyant boy on cell: Wait, where are you? What are you doing? Please tell me you'll wear a condom. (pause, then boy's face grows increasingly horrified) Several condoms.
–Dining Hall, NYU
Street vendor next to hot dog vendor: Get your Obama condoms! They go great with a pretzel!
–Times Square
Overheard by: not another tourist
15-year-old girl: Damn, nigga, I hope you flushed the condom, cuz they be using turkey basters for other shit now. They be taking the condom from the trash can and suck up the cum and put it in theyselves. I know, cuz I messed with a few niggaz who be telling me and I learn in sex ed!
–74 Bus, Staten Island
Girl: I normally go to planned parenthood for my STD tests.
Boy: Oh, no. I don't go to fancy places like that. I cart my ass to the projects for my tests.
–Water St & Wall St
Overheard by: Cheech
Girl on phone: I gotta go to another guy because the last guy was like, "have you been sleeping with any Asian investment bankers?" and I was like, "no," and he's like, "well, then you don't have syphilis." And I'm like, "you're not a very good doctor!"
–Greenpoint
Girl on train: You should really meet this guy. He's like half witchdoctor and half… I don't know… Physical therapist.
–LIRR
Overheard by: The WC
Bag lady, yelling: What is my vital sign, asshole? Systolic… Diastolic… The fuck does that mean, Mr. Doctorman?
–6 Train
Overheard by: pretending not to have been pre-med in college
Suit on cell: What do you mean I'm being ridiculous? He's a foot doctor… He's not licensed to give rectal exams, Floyd!
–Q Train
Overheard by: EKavet
Large male #1: Let's go to the old train.
Large male #2: But this one is shiny.
Large male #1: Grease, fingerprints, herpes… I love it all.
–PATH Train
