Tween girl to friends: Did you know kissing is good for your health?
Cashier lady: Kissing *who*?
–Loehmann’s Upper West Side
Tween girl to friends: Did you know kissing is good for your health?
Cashier lady: Kissing *who*?
–Loehmann’s Upper West Side
Salesman: Ah, so soly. Mr. Wong not in today.
Saleswomen: My boyfriend’s Asian. Don’t make fun of them.
Salesman: I’m not making fun of them. I’m making fun of the way they talk.
–Sales Department, SoHo
Teenage girl #1: I feel so bad so bad for her.
Teenage girl #2: Why? She brought it upon herself, I didn’t tell her to snort that coke, I didn’t tell her to roll up that $20 bill and put it in her nose.
Teenage girl #3: Let’s be honest now, it was probably only $1.
–Forever 21, Union Square
Clerk #1: Man, that’s why medicine has a expiration date. The ingredients go inactive.
Clerk #2: Nigga, are you a licensed physician or somethin’?
–Blockbuster, Broadway & 93rd
Woman in stall #1: I hate it when this happens!
Woman in stall #2: What?
Woman in stall #1: These pants! They looked so nice but they flatten my ass. My ass is flat now. I look like pancake ass!
–Fitting Room, Staten Island
Guy #1: Yo, man. I lost seven pounds. Can you believe it?
Guy #2: Oh yeah? Really?
Guy #1: Yeah, I got a fuckin’ shoestring on my pants.
Guy #2: Uh…
Guy #1: I don’t like this. I liked being fat.
–CVS, Allerton
Overheard by: Lee
Woman: Do you have any books on violins?
Sales guy: Well, we don’t have a lot about playing them, but we have some about the sensuality of it.
Woman: It’s for a child.
Sales guy: Oh.
–Borders, 57th & Park Ave
Hipster on cell: Drunk dialing is the new black. Fuck you. Happy new year.
–House Party, Lorimer St
Overheard by: confabulation Nation
Redhead to friend: I swear we always have orange animals and they’re all called Renae.
–Central Park
Woman to man: There are many things to be sad about. The color of money being green isn’t one of them.
–90th & 1st
Overheard by: Sam
Sad suit: Their yogurt is just too white.
–Outside Pinkberry in Koreatown
Girl: Yeah, my pubes are pink.
–B1 Bus
Overheard by: Robert
Middle aged gay man: Alright! I like colored pens! There, I said it.
–42nd St
Dumb hipster girl #1: That genius is so hot.
Dumb hipster girl #2: He gets more ass than a toilet seat. He has a lot of STDs. I read about him on williamsboard. There is like a 200 response thread about him and his STDs.
Dumb hipster girl #1: Well so do I.
Dumb hipster girl #2: What?
–Apple Store, 59th & 5th
Girl to friend: That’s because my heart is filled with hate and yours is filled with kittens.
–Something Else, Park Slope
Overheard by: jayloo
White guy: Well, if Kate* was my soulmate I wouldn’t hate having sex with her so much.
–W 57th & 11th
Well-dressed man to self, after making meowing noises: I hate my ex, I hate that fucking bitch! I’m going to stick a tennis ball in her muffler!
–Bleecker & Broadway
Teen girl to friends: And she, like, gave me an 88%. I can’t fucking believe her! I can’t even hate her, right? If she’d just failed me like usual, I could hate her. But she gave me a freaking 88%.
–Astoria-Bound N Train
Overheard by: Ben
Sad 30-something: My boyfriend’s mother hates me. She hates me because I’m out of work … And I shoot up in her house.
–7th Ave & 9th street, Park Slope
Drunk angry girl on cell: Answer the damn phone, you bastard! Answer the phone! I hate you! I love you! Call me.
–Port Washington Train
