Cute, Cuter, Wednesday-One-Linest

Portly young woman browsing dress for herself, nonchalantly: Oh, this is cute, but too bad it doesn't come in fat-ass-bitch size.

–Target, Brooklyn

20-something girl to boyfriend: Oh my god, you are so cute I just wanna punch you in the face!

–135th & 5th

Overheard by: Howzith

Middle-aged woman on cell exiting bus: You have a blessed day! (to phone) No, not you! I was talking to the bus driver–he was really cute!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: B44 rider

Student fundraiser to passerby: Taiwan needs help! Hey, you're cute enough to help Taiwan!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: L-Dubbs

Cute blonde to friend at gym: Oh my god! Look! That looks like a cuter version of this bald guy I slept with in a closet over the summer!

–14th & 3rd

Overheard by: Rob Lovett

Posted on May 31, 2015
Activists, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Bus Drivers, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Gyms, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Height, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Punch, Sex, Shopping, Store, Strangers, Street, Students, The Village, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Not Since I Went on Oprah and Tried to Speak

Comedy pimp: You guys like comedy? Wanna see a comedy show?
College guy: Sorry, I don’t usually.
Comedy pimp: Talk to black people?
College guy: Have my sentences finished by black people?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand

Posted on May 30, 2015
Black People, Comebacks, Flyer people, Guys, Offers and requests, Race, Students, Theater & Dance, Times Square

An Unindicted Coconspirator

Student #1: Mister, what are some jobs I could look into if I got a Math major?
Teacher: Oh, there’s lots of options! You could be an engineer… an accountant…
Student #2: … A wizard…

–Stuyvesant High School

Posted on May 29, 2015
Education, Jobs & Careers, Magic, Questions, School, Students, Talking/Convos, Teachers/Professors

That's, Like, All We Did in Bio Lab Last Year

Girl #1: Did you know babies have natural reflexes? Like, if you stick your finger in their hand, they'll grab it, and if you try to pull it away, they'll hold on to it for like a minute.
Girl #2: Did you know if you punch a baby in the face, it'll cry?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: mkb

Posted on May 27, 2015
Babies, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crying, Default, Girls, Punch, Questions, Science, Students, Weirdness

And They Always Get Drunk and Abrasive When We Go Clubbing

Greenpeace guy: Hey! Do you care about the environment?
Angry student: No.
Greenpeace guy: How about polar bears?
Angry student: No.
Greenpeace guy: Well, why not?
Angry student: They're not tasty.

–Outside Columbia University

Posted on May 27, 2015
Activists, Animals & Nature, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Students

Psh, Like Anybody Normal Goes to Bronx Science

Nerd: They should have an alphabet bar… You know, where they sell you alphabets.
Girl: Wow, are you the new freak on the gymnastics team?

–Bronx Science Gymnastics Team

Overheard by: LSb

Posted on May 23, 2015
Bronx Science, Business and Commerce, Default, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Education, Girls, Insults, Offers and requests, Questions, School and studying, Students, Teens, The Bronx, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Just Sperm Of Dubious Provenance

Cosmetology student #1: I'm so happy I got my period.
Cosmetology student #2: What, you're not on the pill or condoms?
Cosmetology student #1: No, I don't let chemicals into my body. (takes long drag on a Lucky Strike)

–Varick & Vandam

Overheard by: Aveda Esthiology Student

Posted on May 22, 2015
Condoms, Happiness, Menstruation, Smoking, Soho, Students, Stupidity

Another Example of Cultural Duffusion

White female Columbia student (singing in the rain): Let the rain fall down and wake my dreams.
Black heavy male stranger: Let it wash away my sanity.

–114th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: 'cause I wanna feel the thunder I wanna scream

Posted on May 22, 2015
Black People, Default, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Sexuality, Singing, Strangers, Students, White People, Words

They’re Wise to the Old Exploding Baby Scam

Teacher: In France and Canada the governments are actually offering money to people who have more children.
Student: What if your baby, like, exploded or something? Would they take the money back?

–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island

Overheard by: What?!