Teacher: Which race of people were counted as 3/5 of a person during the 1850s in the South?
Student: Midgets.
–Williamsburg High School
Teacher: Which race of people were counted as 3/5 of a person during the 1850s in the South?
Student: Midgets.
–Williamsburg High School
NYU girl #1: So what are you going to call your essay?
NYU girl #2: “Why Ansel Adams sucks.” By Tina*.
NYU girl #1: That sounds about right.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Student: That man is giving away free juice. Can we have juice?
Teacher: No. Then you’ll have to pee during the show, and I’m not disrupting the whole theater to take you to the bathroom.
Student: You’re the meanest teacher ever!
Teacher: I’m training to be a mommy. How am I doing?
–Minskoff Theatre
Pizza lady: Next.
[No one responds.]Pizza lady in loud, harsh voice: Next!
Loud, black girl at the beginning of the line: Okay!
Random NYU student: Wow, the pizza line is rough today.
–NYU Kimmel Center
30-something gay student, in mothering tone: Can you say “turtle”?
20-something shy gay guy, softly: Turtle. I knew how to say that.
–Outside Boots and Saddle, Greenwich Village
Overheard by: ears kimmie
Teacher: And then Jesus went to Bethlehem…
Student: Miss, how do we know you’re not just making this all up?
–Primary school
Tour guide trying to attract tourists: Hello! Great bus ride for tourists, only $30!
Girl: I'm not a tourist, I'm a student at Fordham.
Tour guide: Fordham's in England, you dumb bitch.
–Times Square
Girl on cell: Five hours later, I was still pulling cum out of my hair!
–13th St
Overheard by: questioning the physics
Drunk girl to drunk guy: I would love to be 5'8", I mean…it's like not tall…but like not short. (four minutes later, screaming) Yeah…like…too much thought is like…bad for you! (later) They should've jerked you off in your sock!
–84th & Amsterdam Ave
One of four middle aged men on a bench: Well, the key is to never swallow the cum, spit the cum out.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Dan
High voiced hobo to teenager: I want you to cum on my face.
–72nd St & Broadway
20-something girl on cell: Oh, you can't carry the microscope with you? Well, if you come here we'll have to forgo the sperm. If I come to visit you, then we can work it into the schedule.
–Ess-A-Bagel
Overheard by: Emma
NYU dude: How do you get cock-blocked while you're jizzing?!
–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: IWasWonderingThatToo
Student, slamming reproductive biology book shut: Sperm! It's everywhere!
–Bobst Library
Overheard by: ttny
Banker guy: I hope you have bail money.
Bouncer guy: Fuck you.
Manager guy: What’s the problem here?
Banker guy: He shoved me.
Manager guy: I don’t know anything about that, but you didn’t bring ID.
Banker guy: I have my Dartmouth ID and my Goldman Sachs ID.
–outside Brass Monkey, Little West 12th Street
Overheard by: pb dot c
Intern #1: Yeah, so they finally let me go watch bankruptcy court yesterday.
Intern #2: What was it like?
Intern #1: Everyone was black except me. It kind of felt like when I ride the subway at night.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: James
