Professor guy: …Then he was sent to Buchenwald. Have any of you visited any of the camps?
Girl: I did.
Professor guy: Yeah? Did you visit Buchenwald?
Girl: No.
Professor guy: Did you visit one in Germany?
Girl: No.
Professor guy: Did you visit one in Europe?
Girl: No, it was in America.
Professor guy: Are you talking about a summer camp?
Girl: Yeah.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Maggie B.
Student: Of course he should get the death penalty! He is a drunk-driving pederast who drowned a two-year-old.
Professor: Oh, and you’re so perfect?!
–New York Law School
Guy on cell: I'm walking down St. Marks, and I'm having psychological issues. That's why I'm calling this NYU support number.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: A preponderance of hipsters can sort of do that to you…
Stylish guy on phone: No, I do not have time to check if anyone is gesticulating at me, I'm walking to Chipotle!
–Sock Man, St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Rachel Isadora
Thick-accented gentleman: You nevah saw that movie? Penguins walkin'?
–Smith & Wollensky's Steakhouse
Overheard by: kritta
Too-tan Columbia student: Oh my god! You should totally have picked up your phone the other night because I was totally ready to, like, walk by myself down 122nd Street to the d train, alone, at like, midnight! Even though I know it wouldn't have been very safe to do that, I was ready!
–Uptown 2 Train
Woman to another, holding the strings to 100 helium balloons: You never walk my balloons!
–Lafayette & Cumberland, Fort Greene
Overheard by: Brenda
Woman on cell: You did what? No. No, the key is with the handcuffs.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: argonaut
Neighbor heard through thin dorm wall: Yeahhhhh, I'm a bad boy. You wanna spank me?
–Pratt Institute
NYU girl to friend: I think Jesus wore latex.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Mimi
Hippie woman on cell: Okay, why don't you just untie each other and come on down so we can talk about this?
–50th St & Park Ave
Squeaky blonde: When I feel like that after drinking too much I just totally stick my finger down my throat. I don't wake up with a hangover, and it saves calories too!
–Blarney Rock Pub
Overheard by: Ant928
Dumpy middle aged lady: I haven't lost any weight, but I'm still alive. So… I'm pretty proud of myself.
–Union Square
Girl: You should have to pay by the calorie. That'd make people less fat.
–Chipotle, Broadway
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Five-year-old boy to mom: Hey, mom, this energy drink has 10 calories less then the Monster drink!
–7-Eleven
Overheard by: CatVonD
NYU student: You know when you're on a diet, and you wash your face with apricot cleanser? It smells so good that you just want to, like, eat it!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: melbert
English teacher: So tell me: why might Martin Luther King have written “I have a dream”? What was he trying to accomplish?
Ditzy blonde freshman, raising hand: Well, I mean, he was trying to free all the slaves. Duh!
–Wagner College
Overheard by: Rupert
Professor: Do you guys watch American Idol? It's painful.
–Lehman College
Film student #1: It's kind of like Cloverfield meets The L Word.
–Waverly Place & Broadway
Valley girl wearing UGGs, pointing to Guggenheim: Oh! I think this is the building where Blair and Serena live!
–Outside of Guggenheim
Really effeminate 40-something man: I always pick up when he calls, and he was so mad I didn't this time… but I couldn't, because I was still in mourning over American Idol!
–114th & Broadway
Overheard by: Melissa
Queer to female friend: I was watchin' Oprah the other day. Oprah is legit! She had Christina Applegate on. You know, that girl from Married with Children and she was talkin' 'bout her breasts. She got breast cancer and they took both of them off! She had on of them lumpectomies.
–J Train
Guy: That's the new American dream–fuck up your life so much that you get your own tv show.
–Fundraising Walk, Battery Park
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Asian schoolgirl to friend: So he says "you're a racist," and I'm like, "I can't be a racist, I'm a race!"
–Ridgewood, Queens
Overheard by: Squidocto
Fair-skinned Italian Long Island woman: So they both took a paper bag test, and passed.
–Barnes & Noble Cafe
Overheard by: a.j.w.
Yuppie Indian woman: In *my* culture, I'm not black.
–Flatbush Ave
Overheard by: mojbe
Ridiculously loud girl employee: Bobby! What's your ethnicity?
–NYU
Overheard by: …not the only shocked observer
Eight-year old black kid to 20-something babysitter, about younger brother: He likes black girls, but I like white girls!
–Outside Delancey Station
Sad art girl: I missed you yesterday. Are you okay?
Happy art girl: Yes! I’m fine! I have blood in my eye!
Sad art girl: Oh… So, what do you think of Lindsay Lohan?
–Art college, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jeffrey
HS girl #1: He passed out with his head in my lap. I really wanted to hook up with him.
HS girl #2: You should’ve.
HS girl #1: I wasn’t gonna, like, rape him.
–87th & Lexington
Overheard by: thaler
