36 Chambers of Wednesday One-Liners

Homegirl on cell: You live in Staten Island, that’s too close to the wilderness, near the border. I am not emotionally ready to meet you in Staten Island.

–LIRR

Suit: He’s from Staten Island. That my Graceland.

–53rd & 6th

Overheard by: The Sock

Asian chick: What is that fruit called? Durian? That thing stinks so bad! It stinks like Staten Island bad!

–G Train

Overheard by: paco

Girl #1: In how many stops do we get off?
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]

–Staten Island Ferry

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop is South Ferry. From there, you can go to the wonderful Battery Park, go see the beautiful Statue of Liberty… Or go to Staten Island.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Smarlow

Posted on April 3, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Fears, Fruit, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Staten Island Ferry, Statue of Liberty, Stupidity, Subway conductors, Suits, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Words

You Can’t Spell Wednesday One-liners Without TMI

Suit on cell: And your penis is bigger now?

–68th & Lexington

Guy: I’m being totally honest, you guys…I pulled my groin playing ping pong.

–51st & Lexington

Overheard by: Mike Barish

Lady: Well, I don’t think he realized I was a hooker!

–73rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Sandro Olivieri

Girl on cell: So he was a big guy, and he was pretty big, but not that big, but I’m, like, tiny, so we tried, but it wouldn’t go in. Are you listening to me? No, it wouldn’t fit…what could I do? I dropped to my knees and did what I could, but we just won’t work.

–West Broadway & Houston

Overheard by: Darby O’Gill

Mustache: I walked in and it was clearly a gang bang gone awry.

–Dive bar, 96th Street

Posted on April 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, BJs, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Orgy, Penis, Prostitutes, Prostitution, Sex, Suits, Vagina

You Should Hear What They Say About You Guys

Suit #1: How do you say S-H-I-I-T-E?
Suit #2: Shee-ite.
Suit #1: God, I’ve been saying S-H-I-T all this time.

–F train

Posted on March 29, 2015
Education, Idiots, On the Subway, Questions, Suits, Words

Then Why Are You Wearing a Tuxedo, Mr. Penguin?

Teen #1 looking up at a tree with wonder: My god… I am so high.
Teen #2: We only smoked like five joints today.
Suit passerby: It’s still morning, guys.

–Central Park

Posted on March 28, 2015
Central Park, Suits, Teens, Weed

Would Someone Call Her a Bitch Already?

Drunk girl on cell: What? Did you just call me a bitch?
Drunk guy five rows behind her: She called you a bitch? Kick her ass!
Drunk girl on cell : That's like…psychologically impossible.
Businessman next to her: Physically.
Drunk girl on cell to business man: Did you just call me a bitch?

–LIRR

Overheard by: Ross

Posted on March 24, 2015
Drunks, Girls, Guys, Insults, On Cell, Stupidity, Suits, Trains Not Subway

Wednesday One-liners Know What You Like

Girl on cell: Yeah, baby, I’m all alone in my apartment on my bed. I’m taking my panties off now. Mmm, I’m touching myself, thinking of you. I’m all wet for you, baby.

–outside Starbucks, 54th & Broadway

Suit on cell: Yes, I’m wearing suspenders.

–Wall & Broadway

Overheard by: Alexis

Posted on March 22, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Fashion, Getting Off, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Starbucks, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wednesday One-liners Need Relationship Counseling

Black guy: I ain’t saying I love her, but I got feelings for the bitch.

–82nd & 2nd

Overheard by: Rick Segall

Fratboy: Fuck the afterlife. I want my 72 virgins now.

–111th & Broadway

Overheard by: Djlindee

Shoplady on phone: Oh, so did she tell you about her sex? Well, she told me…I mean, she’s ugly but it’s good to know even ugly people can have good imaginary sex.

–Barbara Feinman Millinery, St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: Sarah C

Jamaican lady: We don’t fuck for enjoyment, we fuck for love.

–Washington Heights

Guy on cell: You had sex with my sister!…Well was she any good?…Where the hell did she learn that nifty trick?

–Times Square

Guy: Oh, you should come by the soup kitchen I run. There are no homeless people. Only real estate people. I used to go…I would go on Wednesday (snaps fingers) and I’d have a date for Saturday.

–Union Squre theatre

Suit: Marriage is so fucking out in banking right now. I was engaged for a while, just because I wanted to plant my seed, you know. But that didn’t work out.

–Wall Street

Overheard by: Black Red Yellow NYC

Posted on March 9, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Frat Boys, Guys, Promiscuity, Relationships, Sex, Suits, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Go Back to School

Art teacher: Now you are true students of FIT! Nobody listens to directions!

–FIT

Suit on cell: I don’t know if going through water is resistance or friction, do you? God! I am so tired of doing the kid’s homework!

–46th between 7th & 8th

Female student: I think I’m gonna learn a lot. They were saying things that went, like, right over my head.

–Fordham

Overheard by: Jess McGins

NYU girl on cell: No, I’m not going to waste the credits. I’m just going to fail the class on purpose.

–Bleecker & Mercer

Overheard by: Kristin

Drunk chick: I’m majoring in the doggy-style orgasm.

–Slainte, 1st & Bowery

Overheard by: Genevieve

Professor to class: Most of you are familiar with the breasts of members of the opposite sex who are close to your own age.

–Columbia University Medical Center

Professor: I have no idea what you’re saying, but I know you’re wrong.

–Vanderbilt Hall, NYU

Overheard by: The King Adrock

Posted on March 5, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Columbia (& Barnard), Drunks, Education, Elementary & Middle School, Fordham, Lower East Side, NYU, Rack, School and studying, Sex, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Yeaaahhh College!

You, My Friend, Have a Flair for the Perp Walk

Suit #1: Man, my wrists are still sore from those handcuffs.
Suit #2: Yeah, that was funny when they took you out of the building like that. (they laugh)

–42nd & 6th Ave