Businessman: He needs a good beating. He’s starting to lose his mind.
–Midtown office
Businessman: He needs a good beating. He’s starting to lose his mind.
–Midtown office
Suit: Can I get a Number 2?
McCounterlady: What size?
Suit: What’s the difference between the medium and the large?
McCounterlady: The size.
Suit: Fair enough.
–McDonalds, 50th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ciacci
Crazy hobo, looking up from intense argument with imaginary friend: Excuse me, sir!
Confused suit: Uh, yeah?
Crazy hobo: What kind of teacher are you?
Confused suit: Teacher?
Crazy hobo: Yes, what subject do you teach?
Confused suit: But, um, I'm not a teacher…
Crazy hobo: Oh. Well, that's alright. Don't think I was criticizing you. I guess it's alright if you're not a teacher. I wasn't insulting you!
–6th & Spring
Overheard by: Heather
Thug holding up cigarette: Sulfur?
Suit: Huh?
Thug: Fire?
Suit: What?
Thug: Burn?
Suit: I don’t… Uh…
Thug: Spark?
Suit: Wha–?
Thug: Blaze?
Old black woman in nurse’s uniform at next table: He wants to know if you have a match. Learn to speak English, nigga!
–Wendy’s, Fulton Mall, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
Homegirl on cell: You live in Staten Island, that’s too close to the wilderness, near the border. I am not emotionally ready to meet you in Staten Island.
–LIRR
Suit: He’s from Staten Island. That my Graceland.
–53rd & 6th
Overheard by: The Sock
Asian chick: What is that fruit called? Durian? That thing stinks so bad! It stinks like Staten Island bad!
–G Train
Overheard by: paco
Girl #1: In how many stops do we get off?
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]
–Staten Island Ferry
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop is South Ferry. From there, you can go to the wonderful Battery Park, go see the beautiful Statue of Liberty… Or go to Staten Island.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Smarlow
Suit on cell: And your penis is bigger now?
–68th & Lexington
Guy: I’m being totally honest, you guys…I pulled my groin playing ping pong.
–51st & Lexington
Overheard by: Mike Barish
Lady: Well, I don’t think he realized I was a hooker!
–73rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Sandro Olivieri
Girl on cell: So he was a big guy, and he was pretty big, but not that big, but I’m, like, tiny, so we tried, but it wouldn’t go in. Are you listening to me? No, it wouldn’t fit…what could I do? I dropped to my knees and did what I could, but we just won’t work.
–West Broadway & Houston
Overheard by: Darby O’Gill
Mustache: I walked in and it was clearly a gang bang gone awry.
–Dive bar, 96th Street
Suit #1: How do you say S-H-I-I-T-E?
Suit #2: Shee-ite.
Suit #1: God, I’ve been saying S-H-I-T all this time.
–F train
Teen #1 looking up at a tree with wonder: My god… I am so high.
Teen #2: We only smoked like five joints today.
Suit passerby: It’s still morning, guys.
–Central Park
Drunk girl on cell: What? Did you just call me a bitch?
Drunk guy five rows behind her: She called you a bitch? Kick her ass!
Drunk girl on cell : That's like…psychologically impossible.
Businessman next to her: Physically.
Drunk girl on cell to business man: Did you just call me a bitch?
–LIRR
Overheard by: Ross
Girl on cell: Yeah, baby, I’m all alone in my apartment on my bed. I’m taking my panties off now. Mmm, I’m touching myself, thinking of you. I’m all wet for you, baby.
–outside Starbucks, 54th & Broadway
Suit on cell: Yes, I’m wearing suspenders.
–Wall & Broadway
Overheard by: Alexis
