Teens

Hooked on Wednesday One-Liners Worked for Me!

Tween girl: No, it's "Yiddish"! "Yiddish," not "ribbit."

–Penn Station

Overheard by: ragnvaeig

20-something girl to older friend: No, no… "ghetto" is just slang–it's not a real word.

–PATH Train

Guy on cell: Yo. (pause) Yo, yo. (pause) Yo, yo. (pause) Yo, yo, yo.

–Pacific St & Atlantic Ave

Overheard by: jayloo

Guy to another, who has obviously caused him some emotional strife: I just don't understand why you had to did me so dirty.

–Hudson River Park

Teenage boy: But I ain't know where was them talkin' about it! (teenage friend nods sympathetically)

–Downtown 6 Train

Girl to guy: It must be your manstinct. (pause) Not ya manstink!

–Central Park

It Stands for “Retarded”

Teen girl: What time does TRL tape?
Street vendor: What time do you watch it?
Teen girl: 4 o’clock.
Street vendor: What does the L stand for?

–Times Square

Overheard by: mark manne

So That’s Where Cain and Abel’s Wives Came From

Teen girl, observing scantily clothed Inca healer: Gosh, Mom, didn’t they have any decency?
Mom: Well, all this was before Adam and Eve.

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: not a history major

Wednesday One-Liners Are Getting Warmer… Warmer…

Brooklyn guy to buddy: Man, that chick is the hottest chick in the whole world. Well, except one — Ariel. Ohhh, Ariel. You know, the little mermaid?

–31st St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Will

Guy: Man, if a girl is hot enough that you want get with her, and she’s single… You know she’s gotta be fucked up in the head.

–C train

Girl on cell: Oh, yeah, he was so hot. I made eye contact with him, like, two times, so I guess we’re basically dating now.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Audrey Monaco

Trendy teen: Down Syndrome is so hot right now!

–Tompkins Square Park

Woman on cell: But how hot can a cactus get?

–Bed, Bath & Beyond

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy: You only think she’s hot because her family has money.

–26th St & 8th Ave

Is There a “Ctrl Z”?

(teen #1 presses the 26th floor button. Teen #2 presses 21-25th floors for fun)
Teen #1: Dude, what the hell did you do that for?! You're an idiot, I hope you fall off my roof and die!
(pause)
Teen #3, seriously: Can we unpress it?

–Elevator, Bay Ridge

Wednesday's One-Liners Sell Themselves

Teenage nerd: My boss and my dealer have the same name. One time I called my boss asking for weed, and he was like "hey!" and I was like "yo, lemme cop" and he was like "I think you have the wrong number" and I hung up.

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: joy

Yuppie 30-something in black coat and white scarf: I'm going crazy! I've got his dealer's number programmed into my phone, but I can't remember her name, so if I call, I won't know who to ask for. And you have to know who to ask for, or they'll think you're a cop!

–16th St & 7th Ave

Loud, mildly intoxicated girl at dinner: People who litter are so much worse than drug dealers.

–Brooklyn

Lady on cell: Tourism is the only industry that doesn't depend on drug cartels.

–14th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Diaz

…Or at Least Strippers Dressed As Cops.

Teenage boy to friend: So when I was walking by the store I saw this guy being dragged out in handcuffs.
Friend: Shit, why didn't you call the cops or something?

–Park Slope

Overheard by: areyouserious?

They Call Her Jumping Jack Flush

Teen chick: Man, I take the quickest shits ever. Sometimes I wish I could stay on the bowl for hours, you know? Really enjoy my shit.
Friend: You’re fucked.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Lindsey

Good Luck Finding Any

Sad teen girl: I'm just sad… We had to talk about love and soulmates in English class.
Teen friend: We're teenagers. You gotta be shallow and superficial. That love and soulmate shit is for grownups.

–E Train

Overheard by: grown-up

That’s the Part Who God Listens To

Teen girl #1: Cashmere is God’s gift to the human race!
Teen girl #2: Well, the part of the human race that can afford it.

–Macy’s, West 34th Street

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