Wednesday One-Liners Prefer “Gentleman Companion”

Teenage girl to friend: Boyfriends are so overrated, except not really because I really want one.

–Lincoln Center

Guy: I don't care if her new boyfriend is god–I will kick his ass!

–Church St

Overheard by: Steve

Guy to friend: Yeah, she's in Jamaica. How fucked up is that? She's 20 and in Jamaica with her boyfriend. I'm 25 and I'm standing on a train next to you.

–Metro-North

Art student: I wanna write a diary, like, "8:45, kill boyfriend."

–NYU

Man on street selling knockoff perfume: C'mon ladies, buy this perfume. It will help you get a boyfriend! Don't get a cheap boyfriend, get some cheap perfume!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Kiran

Girl to friend: From now on, I am only having sex with one boyfriend.

–Marlow & Sons

Posted on September 9, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Books & Writing, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Girls, God, Guys, Knock-Offs, Love, Money & Class, Murder, NYU, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Street, Students, Teens, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

And It Won't Get the Semen Out of My Eye

Teenager #1: I said “my fault.”
Teenager #2: You said “my bad”? “My bad” is not “I'm sorry”!

–Penn Station

Headline by: Ty

Runners-Up:
· “Actually, “My Bad” Is Like the Hawaiian “Aloha” …” – erkala
· “And That’s How Grammy and Grampy Made Me, Kids” – Kam
· “The Bush Twins Learned Early From Their Father….” – Lani Waters
· “The Fact That a Teenager Apologized Should Be Enough” – shenanigans
· “Yeah, Judas!” – mk

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on August 31, 2009
Apologies, Headline Contest Winners, Penn Station, Teens, Words

Even the Dogs Can Recite This Story by Now

Middle aged dad: Reminds me of something I saw around 1968. This hippie had two dogs…
Teenage daughter, interrupting: One was named Shitsy McFuck and the other was named Fucksy McShit.
Middle aged dad: I guess I told you that story before, huh?
Teenage daughter: So many times, I can't believe you're not in a nursing home.

–In Line to see Art Exhibition, W46th St

Overheard by: Big Larry

Posted on August 30, 2009
Dads, Family Ties, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, Names, Parents, Teens

And, Also, That I Be White.

Asian teen to black friend: So my grandmother is making me learn Chinese. Does she not get that I don't wish to visit, let alone live, in China?! Like ever?
Black friend: I hear you loud and clear. Ever since Obama became President my granny has not stopped requesting that I birth her great grandchildren in Hawaii with a Kenyan diplomat.

–1 Train

Overheard by: well good luck to you

Posted on August 28, 2009
Asians, Black People, Family Ties, Friends, Languages, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, President, Questions, Race, Stupidity, Teens, Travel, Wishes & desires

The Wednesday One-Liner Diet Doesn't Work

Little girl to sister: It has 140 calories in it, that could like… kill you.

–Food Emporium, 68th & Broadway

Blonde girl on phone: Yeah, I need to lose like 30 pounds but the problem is that I got my body used to food.

–224th St & Jamaica Avenue

Teen girl, after being caught with empty beer cans: No! Trust me, it wasn't me. I don't drink beer, it has way too many calories!

–Park Slope

40-something mom to chubby daughter with YMCA gymnastics shirt: Don't eat here, go to CVS! Get some mints… you'll be fine.

–Wendy's At Metropolitan Ave. and Woodhaven Blvd, Queens

Overheard by: D. Scibe

Very old, overweight mother to old less overweight daughter: I need to lose 20 pounds, but you, you need to lose 40 pounds. When you're as skinny as her (points at woman working at register), then I'll buy you carrot cake!

–168th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alison R.

Women in Morbidly obesity couple walking hand in hand. The woman says "harry, I hate it when we're on separate starvation schedules."

–7th St & First Ave

Posted on August 26, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Fat People, Girls, Gripes, Grocery Stores, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Moms, Murder, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Psychology, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Sisters, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wednesday One-Liners

Are You Saying They Should Have Bigger Things to Worry About?

White teen bimbo #1: I can't believe I got that parking ticket! Police have nothing better to do.
White teen bimbo #2, totally serious: Yeah, I mean… they still don't know who killed biggie, but they have time to give parking tickets? That's fucking ridiculous.

–72nd & Columbus

Overheard by: soyloaf

Posted on August 25, 2009
Bimbettes, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Insults, Murder, Stupidity, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, White People

Does She Got a Number?

20-something black guy: Daaamn girl, you got a number?
Teenage black girl, pushing stroller: I got a baby.

–Bed-Stuy

Posted on August 23, 2009
Babies, Black People, Brooklyn, Guys, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Teens

In Case You Weren't a Classics Major…

Black teenage girl #1: They're always fighting and everything! Bunch of sorry-ass boyfriends we got!
Black teenage girl #2: Like they all proud of their scars 'n shit.
Black teenage girl #3: I think we oughtta do the Lysistrata thing!
Black teenage girl #1: Say what?
Black teenage girl #3: (whispers something to friend)
Black teenage girl #1: Oh, I could never do that!

–Downtown 2 Train

Posted on August 16, 2009
Black People, Fighting and ass kicking, Gender issues, Insults, On the Subway, Relationships, Sex, Teens, Theater & Dance

Incomprehensible Wednesday One-Liners from Japan

Girl wearing yoga outfit to friend: And I'm like "you know that your face looks like a fucking cartoon character, don't you?"

–Houston & Mott

Overheard by: JohnJayinNYC

Teen boy: I don't like people. I just like Pokemon.

–Chipotle, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Mike N

Blipster: Girl, you know I already got a headache and then she all up in my face with that Dragon Ball Z breath.

–Fulton & Pearl

Girl, during promo network commercial before Up: It is not Cartoon Network if there are real people. I refuse to watch this show.

–Movie Theatre, Battery Park

Overheard by: Yelena

Excited man on cell: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? What are they? People love ancient Egypt way more than ninja turtles.

–Hungarian Pastry Shop

Overheard by: Casey Black

Scruffy hipster to friend: Now all we need to do is find Splinter and Donatello.

–L Train

Overheard by: lilli

Posted on August 12, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Grocery Stores, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, History & Geography, Insults, Men, Movie Theaters, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Street, Stupidity, Teens, TV, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Nobody in the Midwest Is a Bit Surprised

Teenage girl #1: I'm taking math, earth science, socialism, and English.
Teenage girl #2: Uh-uh.

–President St & Smith St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: porter

Posted on August 8, 2009
Brooklyn, Education, Girls, Languages, Politics, School and studying, Science, Teens

Teens

In Case You Weren't a Classics Major…