Hipster guy: And then we wandered down the street into Bed-Stuy, like into the projects, and these guys were screaming at us, like, “You in the wrong part of Brooklyn, white boys!” …but Marcus is half black!
Hipster girl: Oh, so it's not entirely ironic when he freestyles?
–Hayden Residence Hall, NYU
Mother: I don’t want you playing with that! It’s too big for you!
Son: I’m gonna spank it if I want to!
–Goodwill, 23rd St
Overheard by: Lady
Elderly janitor, watching pierced teenagers get in line: I'm gonna fart on one of these people.
–Broadway & Houston
Angry man on cell: They think they're so perfect, but I bet they piss and burp and fart like the rest of us.
–80th St & 34th Ave
Hobo: Can you spare some change? I need to buy some new underwear, I farted and shat in these.
–83rd St & Broadway
Overheard by: new girl in town
Tiny brunette: Have you ever had to pee so bad, and suddenly you fart and then you don't have to pee that badly anymore?
–7 Train
Young woman to friend: Yeah, and then she started fartin' a bunch. But she was farting out of her pussy. And Ashley got pissed, cause then, she started makin' a beat out of it.
–125th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Stephen
14-year-old girl: I'm gonna kick her ass so hard her lip will be on his placenta.
Teenager group of friends, shouting: Yeah, kill that bitch.
–Times Square
Security guard: You’ll have to sit up, there’s no slouching allowed on these chairs.
Girl: What?
Security guard: If you don’t stop slouching you’ll have to leave.
–Time Warner Center, 3rd floor
Overheard by: Suzanne Cunningham
Eight-year-old girl to older brother: I don't like booooooys!
10-year-old brother: I don't like boys, either!
Kids' ghetto mom to son: Boy, you betta like boys or I'mma pull your dick off.
–Uptown 2 Train
Overheard by: E.C.
Mom to young daughter jumping up and down: You need to stop doing that. Jillian*, stop that now. If you don’t stop you are going to fall, if you fall you are going to cry, and if you cry I’m going to yell at you and make fun of you.
–Restroom, JFK
Overheard by: tessa
Guy: You could try working out.
Girl: I do work out.
Guy: Are you going to take that hip-hop class?
Girl: No.
Guy: I think I’m going to take that hip-hop class just so I can serve you. I’m going to go down there and serve you.
–3rd Avenue & 11th Street
Girl: Don’t walk me behind me, I’m about to fart.
–Times Square station
Girl: God, it smells like an armpit farted in here.
–Rififi, E. 11th Street
Overheard by: Miso
Guy on cell: Baby, baby, please, listen, I just, I’m almost there, c’mon, I’m comin’ up on your building now, baby, don’t be like that! Look out the window and you’ll see me! Shit, you can smell me, baby.
–12th & D
Fratboy: My shorts smell like a little boy’s balls.
–Coney Island beach
Overheard by: Alissa
Woman: Just so you know, it smells like someone urinated in there.
–Banana Republic, 16th & 5th
Overheard by: beth wren
Girl running from her mother: You can’t catch me!
Mom running after her: Aw helllllll no! You keep runnin’ and I’m gonna cut your hair off when we get home!
–Halsey and Wycoff, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mary Beth
