Woman #1: Paris was disappointing. I went there to see two things: the Eiffel tower and the Mona Lisa. I didn't get to go to the top of the Eiffel Tower, there were too many smelly tourists in the elevator. And the Mona Lisa was the size of a postcard.
Woman #2: Oh, you didn't go to the Leaning Tower of Pisa?
Woman #1: Ummm…that's in Italy.
–Starbucks, 66th & 3rd
Overheard by: Sofia Dante
Tour guide with a thick accent: Alvight fovlks, vee are about to stop at the Bronx Soo. Anybovy vishing to see animalz need to get off.
Teenage girl #1 to her friend: I don't wanna see no damn Indians, do you?
Teenage girl #2: No, no, honey, not the Sioux. She was talking about the zoo.
Teenage girl #1: Ohhhhh.
–Uptown NY Tour Bus
Bicycle taxi guy: Hey, you want a ride through Central Park?
Tourist: No thanks.
Bicycle taxi guy: How about a foot massage? How about some dance lessons?
–Central Park
Tourist girl to friend: Oh my god, people are totally going to know we’re from Boston when they hear our accents!
Guy sweeping cigarette butts: No, people are going to know you’re from Boston when they hear you freak out and call the bomb squad over one of our electronic ads.
–49th & 9th
Overheard by: guy who dropped a couple of the cigarette butts
Street performer: I declare today the “Eat Vegetables and Dance Day”!
Tourist to son: See, I told you all New Yorkers are crazy and high.
–South Street Seaport
Headline by: AlpacaHoss
Runners-Up:
· “As a Perfectly Sane Dance-Eater, I Take Exception to That Remark” – Upstanding New Yorker
· “Does She Mean the People or the Rent Payments?” – Uncle Bling
· “Now Lettuce Boogie Out Of Town” – Kevin Babbles
· “Now Let´s Go to McDonald’s, and I’d Better Not See Those Hips Shaking” – Laura
· “Now Stop Dancing and Eat This Bacon” – Jesse
· “Richard Simmons Tries to Restart His Career” – sweatin to the oldies
· “What and Break My Perfect Morbidly Obese Record?” – Nota Fatty
· “You Laugh Until You Realize That New Yorkers Get the Day Off From Work” – BabakganoosH
Overweight middle aged Southern tourist pointing to approaching train: Where is this train going?
Semi-annoyed girl: Queens.
Tourist: Yeah, but where is that?
Quite-a-bit-annoyed girl: Queens.
Tourist: Yeah, but where is that?
Deflated girl: It's… Never mind.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Melanie C.
Tourist #1: My family and I, we're not really tourists. We know what stupid stuff not to say and we come here all the time. I mean, we are tourists, but we don't act like ones.
Tourist #2: Does it make you feel better to say that?
Tourist #1: Yes. Yes it does.
–42nd St
Confused Italian tourist: Excuse me, this go to South Ferry?
Guy: Yes. It's the last stop.
Confused Italian tourist: How I tell?
Guy: What? It's the last stop.
Confused Italian tourist: How I tell? How I know?
Guy: All the other tourists will get off! Follow the people like you.
Confused Italian tourist: No! How I tell!
Guy: That guy with the camera… follow him!
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: Spoke Italian but was feeling unhelpful
Guy to security guard: We're not fucking tourists, man, we're just trying to get back to our home in Jersey.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Metrosexual guy: There are two kinds of people I will never, ever, date. One are people who are culturally ignorant. The second is people from New Jersey.
–45th & 5th
Overheard by: Mr. Pink
Proper British woman to loud drunk guy: Go back to Jersey!
–BB King Concert, Christ United Church
Overheard by: bb
Uptight 40-something white guy: I can't wait to get safely back in New Jersey!
–A Train
Overheard by: JoshBob
Tour guide: If you’re going to be in New York for at least a year, I’d recommend going to an outer borough.
–Bowling Green
Woman, looking at dirty man talking on cell with shirt open: That, that right there, oh, yes, that is sooo New York.
–Worth & Broadway
Overheard by: Half Shirt
Office worker: We’ve lived in New York too long. Instead of saying “ridiculously overpriced” we say “upscale.”
–Office, Carnegie Hall
Overheard by: inge
Crazy man: The subways have names and letters and numbers. They are not colors. Don’t you dare call them by colors. They have names and letters and numbers. The 4 is not the green train; it is the IRT Lexington Avenue Express. The 6 is not the green train; it is the IRT Lexington Avenue Local. An idiot in Brooklyn asks for the orange train at King’s Highway. It is not the orange train. It is the F train. He should be deported to Mars for calling it the orange train! The trains have names and letters and numbers! And you never call 6th Avenue the Avenue of the Americas!
–Uptown R train
Lady, amongst a crowd of women, shoving and stripping to their underwear to try on designer clothes: Oh my God! I am so not New York enough for this!
–Barney’s Warehouse Sale, 17th between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: Dr. Mary
Girl: Being a New Yorker is great. You get to give the finger to everybody and nobody seems to care. I love this city!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Jen
Tourist: These people must love their sandwiches! There are so many Subways here!
–Times Square
