Wednesday Go-Down-On-Liners

Wholesome-looking man, walking with several families with kids and carrying a cross: Jesus Christ died for our sins today so that we can all give blowjobs whenever we want!

–Union Square

Girl with food: Do you think I'll get on the JumboTron if I deep throat this pickle?

–MSG: Rangers – Caps Playoff Game

40-something, during high school reunion: How dare you tell my husband I gave you a blowjob? I was a virgin in high school!

–Outside Jake's Dillemma

Women on cell: I told him, if he didn't start shampooing his pubes I would stop blowing him!

–14th St & 9th Ave

Middle-aged Romanian: I heard he gives better BJs than Santa Claus!

–Astoria

Overheard by: Crazy Romanians

Posted on June 12, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Balls, Bars & Clubs, BJs, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Death, Families, Food, Foreigners, Girls, Jesus, Madison Square Garden, Marriage, Men, On Cell, Penis, Questions, Rumor Has It, School and studying, The Village, Threats, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Virginity, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Have Been Formatted to Fit Your Screen

Southern tourist: By the way, if you’re ever watching Law and Order, this is where everyone gets murdered and gets raped.

–Central Park South

Overheard by: Adam Schiff

Man lunching with buddy: No, I’m not a monk. That was just TV.

–18th & 5th

Crazy guy, through ventilator: Sonoco… Cablevision… Sonoco… Cablevision… Sonoco… Cablevision…

–West End Ave

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Trader on cell: Well, she’s certainly not MTV yet — not VH1. She’s more like 60 Minutes.

–Trading floor, NY Stock Exchange

Overheard by: Trader Joey

Hot girl to boyfriend: See, I don’t think ass sex is necessarily something I want to do whilst watching X-Files…

–Pietrasanta Restaurant, Hell’s Kitchen

Overheard by: Ta-da!

Enthusiastic hobo: What time is Desperate Housewives on?!

–Astor Pl

Man, after changing his shoes in a lively manner: What, you never saw Mr. Rogers?

–Jamaica-bound E train

Overheard by: He Was Quite Handsome…..

Posted on March 28, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Not to Be Confused with Every Other Network Show

Thug #1: Do you wanna watch The Real World with me?
Thug #2: Who’s on that show?
Thug #3: Just some crazy white people.

–Leon M. Goldstein High School, Brooklyn

Posted on March 27, 2018
Brooklyn, Crazy, Default, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Offers and requests, Questions, Race, Thugs, TV

She’s Hardly Coming Up with A-list Material

Dude: Do you think if I had a tail I’d be happy?
Girl: I’m just going to sit here quietly and ponder the ridiculousness of that statement.
Random guy: …Didn’t you steal that line from Arrested Development?
Girl: Yeah, so?
Random guy: Well, if you’re going to make fun of him for being an idiot, he should at least get to make fun of you for being a plagiarist.

–C train

Overheard by: Gradie Smith

Posted on February 23, 2018
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Idiots, On the Subway, TV

Leave It to You to Put Things Into Perspective

Hobo #1: Man, god never did 'nuffin' for me. Look at me.
Hobo #2: Captain Kirk fucks purple bitches!

–9th St b/w Ave B & C

Overheard by: RR Dr. GZA

Posted on November 10, 2017
Alphabet City, Colors, Crazy, Hobos, Homeless, Sex, TV

Shit Yourself Once, Shame on You…

NYU student #1: So, you know that part in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles where Raph gets jumped by the Foot Clan, and they have to bring him to April’s place because he’s a turtle, and turtles need water, so they put him in the bathtub?
NYU student #2: Yeah, sure.
NYU student #1: Yeah, they had to do that with her, ’cause she got so fucked up she shit herself.
NYU student #2: Again?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jayso

Posted on November 1, 2017
Poop, Students, TV, Union Square and East Village

I Love You, QVC!

Guy: Marriage is not for me. It's like having cable with only one channel.
Girl: Me either. My mama says it's like when you see some clothes in a store window and you think you want it, but you look at it for too long and change your mind. That's how I feel.
Guy: Dang! That's cold, son! You're comparing guys to clothes?! That ain't right!
Girl: You just compared women to tv channels.

–110th St & Broadway

Overheard by: CE

Posted on October 5, 2017
Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Marriage, Parents, TV, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires

Some People Shouldn’t Watch NOVA

Backpacker #1: What’s up with this DNA crap?
Backpacker #2: Yeah, I know…
Backpacker #1: Yeah… Like, that spiral staircase they show on TV — where is that in your body?
Backpacker #2: Yeah, dude, for real.
Backpacker #1: Yeah, man, you can’t trust science.

–Brooklyn-bound 4 train

Posted on September 30, 2017
Idiots, On the Subway, TV

Um, Didn't He Once Throw a Phone at His Assistant?

20-something girl, holding SpongeBob Square Pants playing cards: Look at the cards I'm getting!
Friend, shrieking and shaking: But I hate SpongeBob!
Woman, walking by: Why? He's nice.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Anna

Posted on July 18, 2017
Duane Reade, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Strangers, TV, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Blame Their Mothers

CCNY student: I've always thought he has psychological problems. (pause) Like, he's one of those people that has to flip the light switch 17 times or the whole world dies.

–Hallway, CCNY

Overheard by: ladyliver

Suit on cell: She is trying to get a good education so that she can pay for therapy later on.

–1250 Broadway

Loud male customer counting out packets of chewing tobacco: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Ever since I quit my job at Sesame Street, I can't seem to live my life. Kermit is my shrink, so of course I'm screwed…

–Smoke Shop, Park Slope

Overheard by: Kiri

Dude hanging up his cell: Oh my god, I think all Jewish girls need therapy.

–Good Stuff Diner, 14th St

Overheard by: Kosi

Suit on cell: Dude, I know, but like, you either get help, or you're normal. (pause) No, dude, pick one, get help or be normal. Damn.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Sarah

History teacher to class: Does that make you uncomfortable? Because I know I'm mental.

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: Lillian