Guy: Marriage is not for me. It's like having cable with only one channel.
Girl: Me either. My mama says it's like when you see some clothes in a store window and you think you want it, but you look at it for too long and change your mind. That's how I feel.
Guy: Dang! That's cold, son! You're comparing guys to clothes?! That ain't right!
Girl: You just compared women to tv channels.
–110th St & Broadway
Overheard by: CE
Backpacker #1: What’s up with this DNA crap?
Backpacker #2: Yeah, I know…
Backpacker #1: Yeah… Like, that spiral staircase they show on TV — where is that in your body?
Backpacker #2: Yeah, dude, for real.
Backpacker #1: Yeah, man, you can’t trust science.
–Brooklyn-bound 4 train
20-something girl, holding SpongeBob Square Pants playing cards: Look at the cards I'm getting!
Friend, shrieking and shaking: But I hate SpongeBob!
Woman, walking by: Why? He's nice.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Anna
CCNY student: I've always thought he has psychological problems. (pause) Like, he's one of those people that has to flip the light switch 17 times or the whole world dies.
–Hallway, CCNY
Overheard by: ladyliver
Suit on cell: She is trying to get a good education so that she can pay for therapy later on.
–1250 Broadway
Loud male customer counting out packets of chewing tobacco: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Ever since I quit my job at Sesame Street, I can't seem to live my life. Kermit is my shrink, so of course I'm screwed…
–Smoke Shop, Park Slope
Overheard by: Kiri
Dude hanging up his cell: Oh my god, I think all Jewish girls need therapy.
–Good Stuff Diner, 14th St
Overheard by: Kosi
Suit on cell: Dude, I know, but like, you either get help, or you're normal. (pause) No, dude, pick one, get help or be normal. Damn.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Sarah
History teacher to class: Does that make you uncomfortable? Because I know I'm mental.
–Bronx High School of Science
Overheard by: Lillian
Woman: Did you just watch the Presidential debate?
Man: Yes, we did.
Woman: Are you Kerry supporters?
Man: No, of course not. Kerry is the worst presidential candidate in the last 50 years and he would be the worst president ever.
Woman: Oh, do you want to come to Good Morning America tomorrow and stand outside, waving Kerry signs?
Man: I was being entirely serious. I hate Kerry.
The woman looks at him, unbelieving, and walks away in silence.
–Outside the San Marcos bar, East Village
Girl on cell: We got Chinese cable because it was cheaper than the cheap cable…Yeah, it’s all in Chinese…Whatever. As long as I watch things that I’ve already seen, I don’t need to actually know what they’re saying.
–N train, Astoria
Queer, on cell: Have you seen Victoria’s boyfriend lately? He looks great. She’s better than Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
–Eckerd, Astoria
Mother, to kids: Sorry we just missed the fireworks, guys. It’s okay, though. I TiVoed it at home just in case.
–79th St entrance, FDR
Tourist, after eagerly struggling for camera air-time: You know what, Ma, I don’t think we’re gonna be able to watch this — it only airs today.
–Taping of the Today Show, Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Stephen and Allison
Girl: Well, today they had a woman who was born a man who married a man who was born a woman, so don’t shit on Maury Povich!
–New York Public Library
Overheard by: Actually READING at the Library
Guy: Sweet Sixteen? That show makes me understand terrorism.
–114th & Broadway
Guy #1 to guy #2: Those sunglasses look really good on you. They go nicely with your complexion.
Guy #3: That was an amazingly Fab Five moment.
–Bronx Science
Guy #1: Man, I am so done with her.
Guy #2: Really?
Guy #1: Yeah. I woke up one morning and looked at her and I knew I was done. Next contestant on my fuck show please.
–55th & 9th
Overheard by: Matt Innes
Middle aged woman #1: I saw that woman of The Cosby Show near Wall Street yesterday.
Middle aged woman #2: Wow, you did not! Which one?
Middle aged woman #1: Whoopi Goldberg–the one that was married to Bill Cosby in the show!
Middle aged woman #2: Oh yeah, I remember her. I think she changed her name to Whoopi Cosby now.
–A Train
Overheard by: Dora Olafsson
Tourist backpacker with hands on subway doors: Do these open on their own?
–1 Train
Tourist mom to uncool son: Well, that's what you get for trying to be a hipster!
–Union Square Park
Overheard by: j
Tourist: Holy moly, look at that Olive Garden! It's huge! I wish I lived here!
(takes a picture of the restaurant)
–Times Square
Obese Midwestern woman to obese Midwestern man: Oooh, Applebee's… Now I feel at home here!
–Times Square
Southern tourist guy: I thought people in Greenwich Village would look stranger.
–Bleecker Street
Tourist from west coast, after observing the locals for a few innings: You know, Seinfeld makes so much more sense to me now.
–Cheap Seats, Coney Island Cyclones
Overheard by: Kevin Eliasen
