Italian dude #1: No, it’s called Shalom in the Home. They send this Jewish guy in to tell you right from wrong.
Italian dude #2: They send some Jewish guy into your house?
Italian dude #1: Yeah, they send a Jewish guy in to, like, tell you if you’re doing something wrong.
Italian dude #2: So if you’re smokin’ crack, he’s all, ‘Don’t do that!’?
–Cooper & 67th, Glendale
Overheard by: Kimberlee
Girl #1: I’d offer to set you up with him, but you’re already occupied.
Girl #2: I am not occupied.
Girl #1: Please! You’re so occupied, you’re the Gaza Strip.
Girl #2: Don’t you watch the news?
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: djlindee
Drunk guy: I’m dunzo like the girl Kristin from Laguna Beach…I’m drunk like I’m on The Real World.
Sober guy: Yo, don’t throw up in the elevator, man. You should go throw up on that girl’s door that we hate.
–Palladium Residence elevator, East 14th Street
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Trendy young mom #1: Well, everyone wants their kid to guest-appear on Sesame Street.
Trendy young mom #2: Oh, yeah?
–2nd Floor, MoMA
Overheard by: Krashaunda
Wholesome-looking man, walking with several families with kids and carrying a cross: Jesus Christ died for our sins today so that we can all give blowjobs whenever we want!
–Union Square
Girl with food: Do you think I'll get on the JumboTron if I deep throat this pickle?
–MSG: Rangers – Caps Playoff Game
40-something, during high school reunion: How dare you tell my husband I gave you a blowjob? I was a virgin in high school!
–Outside Jake's Dillemma
Women on cell: I told him, if he didn't start shampooing his pubes I would stop blowing him!
–14th St & 9th Ave
Middle-aged Romanian: I heard he gives better BJs than Santa Claus!
–Astoria
Overheard by: Crazy Romanians
Southern tourist: By the way, if you’re ever watching Law and Order, this is where everyone gets murdered and gets raped.
–Central Park South
Overheard by: Adam Schiff
Man lunching with buddy: No, I’m not a monk. That was just TV.
–18th & 5th
Crazy guy, through ventilator: Sonoco… Cablevision… Sonoco… Cablevision… Sonoco… Cablevision…
–West End Ave
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Trader on cell: Well, she’s certainly not MTV yet — not VH1. She’s more like 60 Minutes.
–Trading floor, NY Stock Exchange
Overheard by: Trader Joey
Hot girl to boyfriend: See, I don’t think ass sex is necessarily something I want to do whilst watching X-Files…
–Pietrasanta Restaurant, Hell’s Kitchen
Overheard by: Ta-da!
Enthusiastic hobo: What time is Desperate Housewives on?!
–Astor Pl
Man, after changing his shoes in a lively manner: What, you never saw Mr. Rogers?
–Jamaica-bound E train
Overheard by: He Was Quite Handsome…..
Thug #1: Do you wanna watch The Real World with me?
Thug #2: Who’s on that show?
Thug #3: Just some crazy white people.
–Leon M. Goldstein High School, Brooklyn
Dude: Do you think if I had a tail I’d be happy?
Girl: I’m just going to sit here quietly and ponder the ridiculousness of that statement.
Random guy: …Didn’t you steal that line from Arrested Development?
Girl: Yeah, so?
Random guy: Well, if you’re going to make fun of him for being an idiot, he should at least get to make fun of you for being a plagiarist.
–C train
Overheard by: Gradie Smith
Hobo #1: Man, god never did 'nuffin' for me. Look at me.
Hobo #2: Captain Kirk fucks purple bitches!
–9th St b/w Ave B & C
Overheard by: RR Dr. GZA
NYU student #1: So, you know that part in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles where Raph gets jumped by the Foot Clan, and they have to bring him to April’s place because he’s a turtle, and turtles need water, so they put him in the bathtub?
NYU student #2: Yeah, sure.
NYU student #1: Yeah, they had to do that with her, ’cause she got so fucked up she shit herself.
NYU student #2: Again?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jayso
