Wednesday One-Liners Use American Psycho As Porn

Suit: Did they tip their 45s to their homies?

–Park Avenue

Overheard by: SuperVixen

Suit on phone: 500 milligrams? That's nothing. First, you need to start looking at the definition of possession…

–Broadway & Reade

Suit to little son: I need to teach you the difference between "homos" and "hobos." You'll understand easily, (giggles) …not much of a difference.

–Doctor's Office, Carrol Gardens

Suit on phone, snickering: Your posts are turd sandwiches!

–4th Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: ris

Suit on cell: I say go for it. You're rich, she's hungry. What could be more perfect?

–47th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Adrienne

Posted on October 21, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Education, Families, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Homeless, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Office, On Cell, Questions, Street, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Words

How Theater Groups Are Born

Chick #1: I mean, I think we should do it…
Chick #2: Yeah. I mean, you’re gay, he’s gay, and I’m kinda gay…

–St. Mark’s

Posted on October 21, 2014
Gays and Lesbians, Lesbians, Queer guys, Theater & Dance, Union Square and East Village

Another Major Deposit

Thug #1: I heard he’s in some shit. Married, two kids, child support,
a wife, girl on the side, and she just found out about his boyfriend.
Thug #2: Yeah, that’s some shit.

–15th & 3rd

Overheard by: Garrett Ricciardi

Posted on October 20, 2014
Getting Jolie'd, Manhattan, Marriage, Parents, Queers, Relationships, Sex & Relationships, Union Square and East Village

You Might Know It As Sharia

Indie kid #1: The Sidewalk Cafe is going to be, like, Mecca.
Indie kid #2: When the Anti-Folk Revolution occurs?
Indie kid #1: Yeah!

–Ave. A & 6th St.

Posted on October 19, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Friends, Guys, Politics, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

If You Listen You Can Hear Them Calling

Girl: Did you just say “jubble”? That can’t be a real word.
Guy: It’s like, silent onomatopoeia.
Girl: There’s no such thing as silent onomatopoeia. The very definition of the word “onomatopoeia” contradicts silence.
Guy: Well, it’s like the sound that boobs would make if they made sound. They’d go “jubble, jubble, jubble.”
Girl: I’m afraid I’m going to have to smack you now. Seriously.

–13th & 3rd

Posted on October 19, 2014
Body Parts, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

Let’s Just Say My Name Used to Be “Bob”

Teen cashier: I’ll need to see some ID.
Female shopper: Ok, here you go.
Teen cashier: [Looks at woman’s driver’s license.] Oh wow, so you’re an organ donor?
Female shopper: Yes.
Teen cashier: Oh my god! Which organ did you donate?

–Trader Joe’s, Union Square

Overheard by: rko

Posted on October 18, 2014
Body Parts, Cashiers, Customers, Default, Grocery Stores, Offers and requests, Questions, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Women

When, Really, Tyra Did

Guy #1: I want to sing into an oscillating fan and record it.
Guy #2: Do you think you’re the first person to think of that? That’s like saying the kid on Project Runway invented the word “fierce”.

–10th St & 1st Ave

Posted on October 18, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Default, Guys, Questions, Singing, TV, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires, Words

Dude, Nobody Listens to The Wednesday One-Liners Anymore

Young woman on cell: So I said to him, are you going to listen to Barbra Streisand forever?

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: Korky

20-something girl: I'm a teenager! I collect pogs and say "suck it," and listen to Kriss Kross!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Claire H.

Guy: Man, these guys are like The Beatles of my generation.

–In Line for Cypress Hill Show, Nokia Theatre

Burly MTA contractor: I mean imagine if it was a dude singing "I kissed a guy and I liked it."

–Chambers St Subway Station

Overheard by: sarah

Trendy girl: I can't believe they charge $1.29 for a song now. What song is worth $1.29?!? Well, I guess "Don't Stop Believing" and "We Are the Champions"… basically any Queen song.

–Coldstone Creamery, Astor Place

Overheard by: Any Britney Song

20-something girl to 20-something boyfriend: Don't dress up like Elton John because I want you to. Dress up like Elton John because you want to.

–Halloween Shop, 11th St & Broadway

Posted on October 15, 2014
9 to 5-ers, About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Fashionistas, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Insults, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Money & Class, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Store, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Theater, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

They Meant the Show’s Ratings, Pervert!

Queer #1: That Joey guy is so hot.
Queer #2: Joey the bottom?
Queer #1: Yeah…

–4th Street & 1st Avenue

Overheard by: Mike M.

Posted on October 14, 2014
Backdoor, Beauty, Queer guys, Union Square and East Village

And Yet You Always Know Where the Nearest Bar Is

Stupid tourist girl: Where you heading?
Not-so-stupid tourist, pointing to Empire State Building: We're going there.
Stupid tourist girl: What's that?
Not-so-stupid tourist: Seriously? It's the Empire State Building.
Stupid tourist girl: How am I supposed to know? I've never been here before!

–E 14th St

Headline by: thirsy

Runners-Up:
· “Hey! There’s a Giant Drag Queen in the Harbor!” – Nick Pollotta
· “Now Tell Me About the Big Shiny Blue Thing in the East” – Nick Pollotta
· “That’s What You Said When We Went to the Bathroom” – BabakganoosH
· “Why Are All These Cars Yellow?” – pbump
· “Yet She Expects Me to Find the Clitoris” – joe
· “You Mean Earth, Right?” – aliensareamongus

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on October 14, 2014
Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Idiots, NYC Geography, Questions, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists, Union Square and East Village

Union Square and East Village