Four-year-old girl screaming: IT IS MY MONEY AND I WANT IT BACK!
Shockingly calm but exhausted Dad: No Sarah, it is OUR money.
Sarah [chanting over and over while stomping her feet.]: IT IS MY MONEY! I WANT IT BACK!
–Bank, Madison Ave & E 65th
Overheard by: Christina
Girl: He’s gross.
Guy: Well, he likes you.
Girl: He’s like Jabba the Hut!
–79th & Lex
Overheard by: Shivvers
Girl #1: Why does she seem so nasty and stressed all the time?
Girl #2: Well, I think it’s because she’s a lesbian by default.
Girl #1: A what?
Girl #2: A lesbian by default. She’s such a bitch that guys don’t want anything to do with her.
–Manhattan Lounge
Overheard by: fpod
Teen girl #1: I really want some sa’mores. We should totally make sa’mores.
Teen girl #2: Sa’mores? It’s ‘s’mores,’ not ‘sa’mores’! Sa’mores! Sa’mores… Yeah… Sa’moron!
–81st & 3rd
Overheard by: i love smores
Hot lesbo to another: You already have two girlfriends — you don’t need another boyfriend!
–92nd & 2nd
Hipster guy: Well, it’s not like I’m into men, but there aren’t really any girls around right now… It’s convenient! At least I’m getting laid!
–In front of Metropolitan Bar, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Rowan
Mini thug with girlfriend. You know, baby, I just get homo sometimes.
–115th & Lenox
Wannabe lesbo: … And I was like, ‘What, just ’cause I like to sleep with men, that makes you more gay than me?!’ And she was like, ‘Uh, yeah.’
–Bedford Ave & Lincoln Pl, Brooklyn
Overheard by: equally gay
Fag hag to queer friend: She is so ruining my heterosexual life!
–42nd & 7th
Overheard by: j
Hipster dude to pals: I gotta go! I just found out this guy is bi!
–Parsons the New School for Design
Chick to another: She was a little bit bisexual in Hong Kong. But, then, who wasn’t?
–1 train
Girl #1: I wanna see that show Kyle XY, because he doesn’t have a belly button. I wanna know what he is.
Girl #2: Maybe he’s a sperm.
–96th & Riverside
Overheard by: ovaries
Blonde middle schooler #1: So yeah, Omar asked me if I wanted to, like, go out with him again, and I was like, ‘Um, are you talking to me?’ Fucking retard.
Blonde middle schooler #2: Ewww, Omar?! Gross! He’s, like, ghetto or something.
Brunette middle schooler: At least someone asked you out! I’m 12 and I haven’t had any love in my life. What a loser!
Redhead middle schooler: No, we are friggin’ normal. All the ghetto girls lose their virginity when they’re ten.
Blonde middle schooler #2: Yeah, that’s true.
Blonde middle schooler #1: Nick told me he wanted to do it with me last year, in sixth grade.
Brunette middle schooler: Oh my god, Gayla! What did you say?
Blonde middle schooler #1: ‘Suck my dick.’
–99th & 1st
Guy #1: Dude… [Whispers to friend.]Guy #2, loudly: What?! Doesn’t do blowjobs? How does she have a normal social life?!
–Doc Watson’s, UES
Overheard by: acton
Bronx-born bartender: Theses mouses is gangstas up in here!
–Bar, Gramercy Park
Overheard by: Johnny Progrums
Hispanic kid in group: Gah! Not only do they have rats, but they have immigrants!
–34th St, between 7th & 8th Ave
Black queer on cell, flailing arms as rat crosses his path: Oh my god, a giant rat just went by! It was as large as a purse!
–93rd & Broadway
Woman on phone: … So they said, ‘If you found a rat, then you got a free taco…’
–92nd & Lex
Overheard by: Lost my craving for Mexican for dinner
NYU chick: Is that like a rat that masturbates?!
–Carlyle residence hall, Union Square
Overheard by: j
JAP getting off at Berkeley Heights: I was getting anxious about getting anxious! It was like I had anxiety about getting anxiety! What? No, the pills aren’t for that. Shut up, Mom! I’ll call you later.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: embarrassed to live in jersey
JAP on cell: You know, it just goes to show you how sensitive we’ve become in this country to sexual misconduct and sexual… Sexual… What’s the word? Being sued.
–116th & Broadway
JAP on cell: … And then I totally just, like, bought it at Bergdorf’s… No, no! Not Bloomingdale’s — Bergdorf’s! You know, as in Bergdorf Cohen’s?
–serendipipty
Blonde JAP: Like, this is totally tighter than my colonoscopy. Ugh!
–Crowded A train
JAP on cell: Oh, that guy? I think he lost interest in me. One day I said something about how all the girls on the Upper East Side look the same and are totally boring, and he said, ‘But yeah! That’s you, too!’
–83rd & 3rd
Overheard by: A&M
