Hipster #1: Okay, so I am going to tap out a song on the table, and you are going to guess what it is!
Hipster #2: Okay, go. [As #1 taps] Oh, oh! I know! ‘Hakuna Matata,’ right?
Hipster #1: Um, no! God, you are so racist — just because we’re in a Japanese restaurant, you think it’s gotta be a Japanese song! It was ‘Death Cab for Cutie,’ you fool.
–Nobu, Hudson St
Overheard by: trying not to laugh behind them
Guy #1: Taking family members on a sex safari is not a good idea.
Guy #2: It was hardly a sex safari, idiot. I just took my brother to a massage parlor.
–Broadway & Canal
Hippie #1: Is that Trey Anastasio from Phish?
Hippie #2: No, man, that’s a streetlight.
–Church St & Cortlandt St
Overheard by: The Faker
Ghetto guy: Why I be so ashy?
White chick: It’s because you’re black, right?
–Canal St & Centre St
Son : We’re gonna get robbed and raped down here, we should have taken the bus.
Father: You only say stupid things.
Mother: Just hit him.
Son: Let’s get off at the next stop and take the bus.
Mother: Put your iPod away before those black guys try to rob you.
–Subway, near Battery Park
Overheard by: Mike Hunt
Woman: Damn, that model has the smallest penis I’ve ever seen!
–Bodies Exhibit, South Street Seaport
Second grader: Earth is the greatest planet in the whole world!
–125th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Yes, I’m his teacher.
Little boy to younger brother in elevator: Stop! It’s like the hospital, you can’t touch anything!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: student
Little girl: Big Brother is watching!
–Franklin St & Church St
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Little boy: Yo, digit, you don’t get any pussy, how you gonna say she ugly?
–Corsa Ave, the Bronx
Overheard by: Edward Carney
Little girl to other little girl wearing school uniform: You look like a woman. Go change!
–116th St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Ken Yapelli
Little girl: Excuse me, where is the drugstore? I mean, where are the drugs?
–Duane Reade, 7th Ave & Flatbush
Overheard by: Cupcake
Little boy: I can’t wait to get home so I can scratch my crotch!
–6th Ave & 17th St
Suit on cell: So, what do you want to eat?
Hobo: I’d like some shrimp lasagna, that’s what I want to eat!
–Wall St
Older gentleman: So where is it you’re from?
Young lady: California, near San Francisco.
Older gentleman: Ah, the windy city.
–Elevator at Wall St. Plaza
Overheard by: Just a temp
Hipster boy: It’s so weird. It’s like, one day my girlfriend will be in a good mood, and the next day, bad mood. I don’t get it!
–Broadway & Cedar
