Chick: Amerigo Vespucci was a cartographer, you whore!
–14th & B
Overheard by: Djlindee
Man on cell: She has a Waldorfian obsession with keeping children warm. I mean, kids are raised in Norway and Iceland all the time and have nice rosy cheeks.
–Washington Mutual kiosk, Canal Street
Black kid: …yeah, I like Black Rob, but he be using big words…like society.
–1 train
Chick: Everyone thinks Mary’s such a goody-goody…but she won second place in the deep throat contest.
–Washington & Gansevoort
Subway girl in Halloween costume: I was thinking about going as Rosie the Riveter, but, like, girly Rosie the Riveter. In shorts.
–A Train
Trying-to-be-hip mom: What are vampires wearing this season?
–Halloween Adventure
Group of kids in costume, chanting: We want more candy! We want more candy! No more apples! No more apples!
–35th Ave & 29th St, Astoria
Overheard by: kathcom
Man dressed up as Michael Jackson on Halloween: I'm the King of pop, man! I'll touch your children! I'll hang your baby off a balcony!
–Downtown 6 Train
Late-night Halloween-reveler man with dirty cotton beard: I'm Santa. I'm drunk and I'm angry. Fuck balls. Reindeer balls.
–Downtown 6 train
Guy dressed as Billy Mays, in loud infomercial voice: Billy Mays here! Sick and tired of waiting for NJ Transit? Next time, drive! For the low, low price of $20 per toll! Just $4.69 per gallon!
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: J. Ra
Old man to another, about Halloween: I love young girls who dress up like pussies.
–Soho
Overheard by: Edan
College-aged girl, to her friends: We have to make out tonight. And we have to get it on camera.
–Ave A
Overheard by: damnitanyway
Yuppie girl: I felt so uncomfortable so, like, I had to get wasted.
–9th St, Park Slope
Overheard by: Corbin
18-year-old Asian girl: My parents just don’t know me anymore, you know? I’ve changed my last year in New York, you know? Like, I’ve had sex with a lot of people.
–Food Emporium, 50th & 8th
Girl in red leather pants, on cell: Yeah, but you have to bring a leather outfit, otherwise you won’t get any clients. Everyone there is a biker or otherwise they are latex fetishists.
–89th & Broadway
Overheard by: ejuliast
Girl: I used to have two vibrators, but I broke ’em both.
–14th St
Trendy girl on cell: Yeah, so Long Islanders will be there. You know what that means: debauchery…and danger!
–41st & Lex
Girl: He had the nerve to tell me that I had no life. I was like, “I do too have a life! I am drinking constantly!”
—Petite Abeille, Tribeca
Guy on cell: She is worse than blow, man…I can never have sex with anyone else ever again now that I’ve had a taste of paradise.
–Starbucks, 43rd & 3rd
Chick on cell: So how come you never told me about this other girl you are dating? She’s from work? You have to tell me these things! You can’t just keep this shit from me…wait, so you just fucked her and now it’s over? That’s how it is? Why are you telling me this? You can’t just tell me this!
–Duane Reade, 96th & Broadway
Overheard by: Douglas Dukeman
Chick on cell: I swear to you, Matt was an animal in bed last night, but Kelly was much better.
–72nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Sophia
Chick on cell: Yeah, but the possibility of being hit by the log is too great… And I don’t know if I want to take that risk.
–Train to Glen Rock
Young suit: I always have problems with zippers. Once, I was putting on my pants and my leg went through the zipper instead of the leg hole. It made a ‘rip’ noise, and then it broke.
–West End Ave
Traffic cop waving cars through pedestrian-flooded intersection: C’mon, c’mon! If they get hit, they get hit.
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: Jobee, a pedestrian
Teen boy: Those signs are idiotic. If the kid runs out in front of your car, you’re going to hit him whether he’s deaf or not!
–Bedford Park, Bronx
Overheard by: Cousin It
Go-go dancer boy: I’m totally the only one who hasn’t fallen off the bar yet.
–Pier 45, Hudson River Park
Overheard by: Palest Girl on the Lawn
Queer: If a song starts with, ‘It’s Britney, bitch!’ you kind of expect it to be good!
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Um, You do?
Girl: Why you call me a bitch? I’m Nigerian!
–NYU bus
Overheard by: sjhaughty
Thug on cell: You a bitch! You afraid to shower!
–42nd St
Overheard by: Brian Libido
Three-year-old WASP, entering room: Welcome to this bitch!
–Supercuts, St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: Leo
Kid running ahead of exhausted mom: Run, bitch! Run!
–Prince St & W Broadway
Ghetto guy herding large group of rowdy kids off train: Scuse me, scuse me, scuse me! Lotta kids, they all ain't mine!
–C Train
Overheard by: Julie S.
Professional woman on cell: I mean, she said she'd finally come to the place where she realizes her kids are shit, and she can just wash her hands off the whole situation and be done with it!
–40th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Rachel
Receptionist to UPS guy: Shit, I got five kids, and they're all bad.
–6th Ave & 47th
Overheard by: thanks mom
Angry woman, yelling on phone: Nigga, don't give me that "parenting role" shit!
–Flatbush Ave & Park Place, Brooklyn
Concerned mother: He's not even potty-trained, all he does is eat the toilet paper.
–University Pl & 8th St
Overheard by: Justin
Excited 50-ish dad to toddler: Come over here, Jameson! Hey, Jameson, we’re going to go get some beer! C’mon!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Late-20s chick to 10-year-old girl: You really shouldn’t be drinking…
–74th & Broadway
Eight-year-old boy to older brother: This lemonade smells like alcohol. It has an alcoholic after-taste. Yum!
–TGI Fridays, 54th & Lex
Man to wife: There is nothing funnier than a drunken two-year-old.
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Lee Harvey
Conductor: Please stop holding my doors open in the back! (pause, no change) Stop pushing open my doors in the back! (pause, no change) Hey, I don't want no more people squeezing through my openings in the back, okay?
–Q Train
Overexcited tourist dad to little girls: Alright, Jade*, blow the bubbles towards Leah*. Yes, towards her, like facing each other, so I can take a picture… When I tell you, okay? Perfect. Okay, now blow each other.
–Liberty Park
Suit: Well, it's not very large by adult standards, but it's big for what it is.
–Queens
Male office worker: My drawers are getting tight already.
–Broadway
Old woman: Would you like to give a donation to help feed our pussies?
–PETCO, Union Square
Overheard by: Lex
Young man: I think I hurt my throat when impersonating Mark having an orgasm.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Harmony Davis
Older queer to boyfriend: Uh! Uh! I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum! I have to have this record! It's so good! It makes me orgasm!
–W 72nd S, Record Store
Overheard by: Never achieved an orgasm that way…
Punk kid to two friends: I want to pierce my shaft and put different things in it so I can give girls better orgasms.
–West Village
Overheard by: Andy & Nick
Man on pay phone: I want to come all over your cock.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: sofia
Drunk chick, loudly as the bar goes silent: I could make you come with one finger!
–Bar, Fulton St
Overheard by: Izzy
