Guy: My wife is just a hoot. She just tries and tries to undermine me.
–Craft, E. 19th Street
Girl: She’s into God and stuff like that. I hate that shit.
–C train
Overheard by: jason steinhauer
Slut: …all I know is that it’s $40,000 and you’ve gotta buy him breakfast in the morning.
–Dock’s Oyster Bar, 40th & 3rd
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Guy with headphones to passerby in the rain: I hate that umbrella! I’m gonna break that umbrella! I’m gonna knock that umbrella out of your hands!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Letting go of the umbrella
Teen boy to another teen boy: I really hate my mom because she grounds me all the time, that’s why I got grounded.
–B44 bus, Nostrand Ave & Ave Y
Overheard by: o_O
JAP: And so he was like, ‘Wanna go make out?’ and I was like, ‘Okay,’ so we did and that was fun or whatever, but I don’t know… We don’t actually like each other at all, we really can’t stand each other.
–The Tea Lounge, 7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: mortalfool411
Black female after being insulted by a Black male clerk in a store: I hate Black people.
–Graham Avenue, Brooklyn
Suit: Fuckin’ guy, that fuckin’ attorney. I hate him. I hate ’em all. Myself too, I shouldn’t have gone to law school. He probably hates himself, unless he’s too fuckin’ stupid to regret it. We’re all a bunch of miserable self-loathing fucks, nobody likes attorneys.
–J & R, Park Row
Crazy yelling bitch: He’s a hater, I’m telling you he’s a fucking hater! What? No I fucking hate him.
–33rd & 8th
Overheard by: devila
Girl on cell: What? With pills? Why’d he do that? Because everyone hates him?
–62nd & 2nd
Overheard by: Ralph
Earth chick on cell: I had meditation and yoga class today. So, if you're coming over tonight we have to have spiritual sex.
–Barnes & Noble
Guy on cell: You're never going to believe this, but I need to tell you anyways. I just did some witchcraft.
–9th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Smoking Student
Yoga teacher: Not being able to do something can teach you a lot about yourself. Like how you're a fucking loser.
–Midtown
Rich white girl with dog in purse: Yeah, so when I went to go buy a dog, I picked Pookie out because he's a Pisces and I'm a Virgo, and that way our personalities will match.
–C Train
Overheard by: evan
White dude to another: I'd like to see what his chi looks like.
–Chinatown
Overheard by: Aileen
Old lady on cell: Hello? Hello? Yes! I’m here! In Brooklyn!
–Broadway & Fulton
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Wigger on cell: Yo, Roove, I’m at Pimp Station.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Dude on cell: Hey, I’m in New York City. Do you know of any ATMs around New York?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: The Doifter
Girl on cell: Hi, can you hear me? I’m in New York. Yeah, I’m at Macy’s.
–H&M, 34th St
Woman on cell: You’re in the park near the benches? There are tons of benches… That’s like saying you’re in Detroit and you’re near the drugs and violence.
–Washington Square Park
Lady on cell: Uh, yeah… I think I’m in the Empire State Building.
–Observation deck, Empire State Building
Middle-aged woman on cell, picking up after her dog: Actually, I’m in Palm Springs at the moment — I’ll be here for another week.
–Mercer & Spring
Overheard by: Wish I were in Palm Springs
Seated proselytizer: Jesus walked through walls without using the door, and when Jesus touches you, he is inside you and you become like Jesus. So, if you do something to me, I don’t need the police. I can just come to your house, because I can get in without keys.
–1 train
Overheard by: thaler
Mexican preacher: Statistics show one in one person will die.
–Times Square
Overheard by: soccerking3t
Religious nut: You have to accept God! His holy grace! His saving grace! He’s got all kinds of grace!
–Grand Central
Bible-thumper: There’s no way if you wrap citric acid, cola, and carbonation in aluminum foil and stick in in the fridge for a million years it’s ever going to evolve into a Coke!
–Tompkins Square Park
Preacher: The best thing you can have on your resume when you die is not that you went to Harvard, not that you have a Ph.D., but that you have eternal life.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: God requires a resume?
Guy on cell: …and she says, “If you cheat on me, you’ll die, and go to hell and burn.” So I say, “There’s no way I’m going to hell for a bitch. Cause there’s too many of them!”
–Lafayette & Fulton, Brooklyn
Construction worker: Yeah man, I just raw dogged her and ditched!
–Grand & Ludlow
Man on cell: How’s the birthday?…Yeah, big 5-0 for me….Well, I ditched the wife, make more money, and have a 33 year old girlfriend. That’s 50 for ya.
–N train
Overheard by: Doug Gaeta
Guy: Is that her panties or his sock he’s sniffing?
–Mary Boone Gallery, W. 24th Street
Overheard by: Captive 411
Bike girl on cell: Hey, this is Tammy. Yet again you were in my dream. It involved fucking. Call me back.
–Prospect Park
Hipster: Nothing says “I love you” like a cactus.
–52nd & 9th
Overheard by: kath williams
Girl on cell: Five hours later, I was still pulling cum out of my hair!
–13th St
Overheard by: questioning the physics
Drunk girl to drunk guy: I would love to be 5'8", I mean…it's like not tall…but like not short. (four minutes later, screaming) Yeah…like…too much thought is like…bad for you! (later) They should've jerked you off in your sock!
–84th & Amsterdam Ave
One of four middle aged men on a bench: Well, the key is to never swallow the cum, spit the cum out.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Dan
High voiced hobo to teenager: I want you to cum on my face.
–72nd St & Broadway
20-something girl on cell: Oh, you can't carry the microscope with you? Well, if you come here we'll have to forgo the sperm. If I come to visit you, then we can work it into the schedule.
–Ess-A-Bagel
Overheard by: Emma
NYU dude: How do you get cock-blocked while you're jizzing?!
–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: IWasWonderingThatToo
Student, slamming reproductive biology book shut: Sperm! It's everywhere!
–Bobst Library
Overheard by: ttny
Girl: If you ever make me sleep in an ATM vestibule again, I am so dumping you.
–Grand Central
Woman on cell: Yeah, sure, go ahead and break my heart, but don’t keep my CDs.
–3rd & A
Overheard by: Kira
Crying woman on cell: No, I don’t want to do it with you. I just want the money!
–66th & Columbus
Overheard by: Charlie
Chick on cell: Yeah, I was there like you said but he wasn’t there. You said he’d be there!…Well, fuck you too! I’m going to kill you when I get home you motherfuckin’ bastard! You better say goodbye to your balls!…What?…Yeah. Sure. I’m up for some Chinese later…Bye baby…I love you too, pumpkin.
–Canal & West Broadway
Cashier guy: I told you I have a girlfriend, that’s why my face is all scratched up.”
–Home Depot, 59th Street
Sorority chick leaving a democratic rally where hillary clinton spoke: God, they all sounded so political!
–Wagner College
5 year-old boy (to his mother): Is it true that obama's going to raise taxes?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jen
Woman on cell: I'm trying to find joe sixpack. (pause) no, I don't know joe sixpack.
–98th & Broadway
Several middle-aged, wealthy #40 something upper east side ladies at the dinner table next to us at a french restaurant, discussing politics. The last point on sarah palin: "her hair's fine, her glasses are fine, her clothes are ok but I'm sorry, she's a fucking loser."
–Jacques Brasserie — Upper East Side
Overheard by: Lindsey Miller
Drunk girl: "if lil' wayne was president, things would be running much more smoothly."
–E Houston St & Lafayette St,
Overheard by: Teddy
"my cousin said that obama is the antichrist."
(pause).
"that's mad rude, right?"
–M66
Overheard by: Charley
Guy on cell: I eat ass like a champion.
–Havemeyer & S 1st St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: EA
Scary old guy to pretty woman: Oooh, girl, you look so fine. Tell your husband I want to bite your kneecaps off.
–West Village
Lady on cell: Yeah, I’m really hungry, too. I could really eat some nice wallpaper right about now.
–83rd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Debbie
Woman: I’d rather eat homeless person’s cum than ever eat plain yogurt again.
–Clinton & Stanton
Creepy guy: Let me put it this way: I might not be compelled to eat a puppy, but I just might eat a baby. There’s just something unattractive about them.
–Bus to Penn Station
Mother to screaming child: If you don’t stop crying I am going to eat you!
–100th & Broadway
Overheard by: briana
Bouncer to girl showing ID: You’re so beautiful. I wanna put you on a pedestal… and eat your ass.
–West Village
Overheard by: RBNY
