Wednesday One-Liners Better Not End Up on the Internet

30-something on cell: Mom, he came over and took a picture of my toilet!

–Spring & Greene

20-something chick: First of all, who poses bare-ass naked on a car in a Wal-Mart parking lot? Secondly, who bleaches their asshole? Third, who takes a picture of it and e-mails it to all their friends?!

–113th, between Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Queer: He photographs really poorly. That’s a big problem for me…

–Starbucks, Washington Square

Overheard by: jess

Woman to friend: You know, just because I work with her doesn’t mean I have to look at photos of her placenta.

–34th & 3rd

Overheard by: X. L. Percy

Posted on April 27, 2018
Asshole, Body Parts, Default, Friends, Girls, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nudity, On Cell, Pictures, Porn, Queer guys, Questions, Soho, Starbucks, Street, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Women

It Still Beats Unemployment, Though

Girl: My job is terrible.
Guy: Gimme a break, my job is so bad I wanna kill anyone who even looks at me…and half of the people who don't.
Girl: Okay, you win.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Dustin

Posted on April 26, 2018
Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Ooo, Let's Cast a Spell on Them!

20-something girl in full Luna Lovegood costume waiting to see Harry Potter, pointing to girl with mohawk: Jeez, their are some real weirdos in New York.
Friend, dressed as Snape: Yeah, real creeps.

–Movie Theater, Park Slope

Posted on April 23, 2018
Books & Writing, Film, Friends, Girls, Movie Theaters, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Stupidity, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Say a Mouthful

Loud woman on cell: I suck your dick and we can't be Facebook friends?

–20th St & 6th Ave

Guy to buddies in the passing Skyfari car: Yo, that building over there… That's the building where I got that $5 blowjob.

–Skyfari, Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Stefan Yonker

Young man, dismissively: I could fucking suck cocks for a living, it doesn't matter!

–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave

Middle schooler, wrestling in Aids memorial: Ooops, I sucked your dick!

–Hudson River Park

Overheard by: Nina & Phil

Middle-school girl to mother: My e-mail password is "blowjob".

–L Train

Posted on April 17, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Facebook, Friendship, Guys, Hudson River, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Men, Moms, Money & Class, Nostalgia, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Prostitution, Questions, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Sometimes “Rim Job” Headlines Just Write Themselves

Preppy guy: What's that stuff around the rim of your martini glass?
Trendy girl: Uh…I dunno, it looks like cum.
Preppy guy: Uh… can I get a lick?

–Restaurant, St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Eliza

Posted on April 17, 2018
Cum, Drinking & Drunk People, Fashionistas, Licking, Offers and requests, Preppies, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

We Can Honestly Say You'll Be the Coolest Tort-Themed Bicycle Gang in New York

Female law student: We're going to start a bicycle gang called The Tortuous Tigers.
Male law student: Yeah, we can ride all over Brooklyn wreaking havoc and intentional torts!

–Joralemon & Court, Brooklyn

Posted on March 29, 2018
Brooklyn, Students, Threats, Weirdness

No Alien Abductions for Me, Thank You

Eight-year old #1: Did you know that when you turn 40 they stick gel up your butt?
Eight-year old #2: No way! Gross!

–R Train

Posted on March 26, 2018
Age/Aging, Ass, Boys, Kids, On the Subway, Weirdness

That’s Actually an Excellent Lie

College girl #1: That guy is so awkward.
College girl #2: Yeah, and I think he lies a lot. Like, one time I asked him if he was a virgin or not, and he said: “I’m not sure, because the girl didn’t bleed.”
College girl #1: Yeah… Wait, what?

–A Train

Overheard by: Lizzie

Posted on March 24, 2018
Blood & bleeding, Default, Friends, Lies, On the Subway, Sorority Girls, Virginity, Weirdness

I Rarely Know

Girl #1: Hey, what is the drug in Turkey that makes you sleepy?
Girl #2: Uhmmm, hashish?
Girl #1: You put hash in your turkey?
Girl #2: What are you talking about?

–1 Train

Overheard by: renee