Bemused tourist: I can't believe the Coast Guard just rescued that kid's soccer ball.
Kid running by: That's the eighth time he's done that!
–Staten Island Port
Overheard by: tastycanucks
Bemused tourist: I can't believe the Coast Guard just rescued that kid's soccer ball.
Kid running by: That's the eighth time he's done that!
–Staten Island Port
Overheard by: tastycanucks
High School Girl: Yeah, he’s like older, and really successful and stuff.
High School Guy: Is he critical?
High School Girl: Yeah. Totally critical.
–6 Train
Mother to toddler: Do I love you a lot or a little?
Toddler: A little?
Mother: No, a lot! It's your shithead father that only loves you a little!
–Jay St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Margaret
Customer: Can you tell me if there are any locations in the Washington DC or Baltimore areas?
Secretary: Um where is Baltimore?
Customer: It’s in Maryland.
Secretary: No, we don’t have any in Maryland… And DC — where is DC?
Customer: Like, Washington DC…
Secretary: It says we don’t have any in that state. There’s some close by in Arizonia and California though.
Customer: No, Washington DC — like, our nation’s capitol.
Secretary: No, I don’t think so. Sorry, I’m not so good with geography.
–Brite Smile, 57th St
Overheard by: Tracey G
Little girl, peeking under shower curtain: Hi!
Lady in shower: Hi!
Little girl, pulling back shower curtain: Hiiii! Wow! Mom! Come here! You need to see this!
–Dodge YMCA Locker Room, Brooklyn
Mother: … And I cleaned your pillow cases…
Screaming child: No!
Mother: … And your blankets…
Screaming child: No!
Mother: … And your sheets!
Screaming child: No! No! No! [Cries.]
–Astoria
Overheard by: Almost too cold to laugh
Lady in SUV shouting out window: What’s everyone standing in line for?
Hipster guy in line: Free Kittens!
Lady in SUV: What?
Hipster guy: Rolling Stones!
Lady in SUV: Oh.
–Art exhibition, Spring St
Overheard by: namatovu
Girl on cell: Five hours later, I was still pulling cum out of my hair!
–13th St
Overheard by: questioning the physics
Drunk girl to drunk guy: I would love to be 5'8", I mean…it's like not tall…but like not short. (four minutes later, screaming) Yeah…like…too much thought is like…bad for you! (later) They should've jerked you off in your sock!
–84th & Amsterdam Ave
One of four middle aged men on a bench: Well, the key is to never swallow the cum, spit the cum out.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Dan
High voiced hobo to teenager: I want you to cum on my face.
–72nd St & Broadway
20-something girl on cell: Oh, you can't carry the microscope with you? Well, if you come here we'll have to forgo the sperm. If I come to visit you, then we can work it into the schedule.
–Ess-A-Bagel
Overheard by: Emma
NYU dude: How do you get cock-blocked while you're jizzing?!
–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: IWasWonderingThatToo
Student, slamming reproductive biology book shut: Sperm! It's everywhere!
–Bobst Library
Overheard by: ttny
Girl #1: Yeah, her mom looks weird.
Girl #2: Yeah, she looks like a troll driving.
Girl #1: Well, she looks like a troll all the time.
Girl #2: Sure, but what's more awkward…a troll or a troll driving?
–86th St & Ridge Blvd
Random old dude #1: You shoulda seen how this girl was lookin at me.
Random old dude #2: Oh, yeah?
Random old dude #1: Yeah… I swear, she was standing in the literature section. Hell, the only thing she knows about Dickens is the first four letters of his last name, as in “She needs some dick!”
Enthusiastic shop girl: Hi, are you doing okay here?
Random old dude #1, embarrassed: Uhhh…sorry.
–St. Mark's Bookstore, Stuyvesant St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: manishm
