Wednesday Om-Liners

Earth chick on cell: I had meditation and yoga class today. So, if you're coming over tonight we have to have spiritual sex.

–Barnes & Noble

Guy on cell: You're never going to believe this, but I need to tell you anyways. I just did some witchcraft.

–9th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Smoking Student

Yoga teacher: Not being able to do something can teach you a lot about yourself. Like how you're a fucking loser.

–Midtown

Rich white girl with dog in purse: Yeah, so when I went to go buy a dog, I picked Pookie out because he's a Pisces and I'm a Virgo, and that way our personalities will match.

–C Train

Overheard by: evan

White dude to another: I'd like to see what his chi looks like.

–Chinatown

Overheard by: Aileen

Posted on January 21, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chinatown, Girls, Guys, Insults, Magic, Man's Best Friend, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Psychology, Rich people, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Yoga

The Coast Guard and I Like to Think Of It As an Elaborate Game Of Monkey in the Middle

Bemused tourist: I can't believe the Coast Guard just rescued that kid's soccer ball.
Kid running by: That's the eighth time he's done that!

–Staten Island Port

Overheard by: tastycanucks

Posted on January 21, 2015
Cops, Kids, Staten Island, Time, Tourism, Tourists, Weirdness

Look What Britney Spears Hath Wrought

High School Girl: Yeah, he’s like older, and really successful and stuff.
High School Guy: Is he critical?
High School Girl: Yeah. Totally critical.

–6 Train

Posted on January 21, 2015
Age/Aging, Girls, Hook Ups, On the Subway, Questions, Teens, Weirdness, Words

It's Not Just Trees That Have Trouble Growing in Brooklyn

Mother to toddler: Do I love you a lot or a little?
Toddler: A little?
Mother: No, a lot! It's your shithead father that only loves you a little!

–Jay St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Margaret

Posted on January 20, 2015
Brooklyn, Insults, Kids, Love, Moms, Parents, Questions, Weirdness

She’s Not So Good with Things Not Discussed on “Sex and the City”

Customer: Can you tell me if there are any locations in the Washington DC or Baltimore areas?
Secretary: Um where is Baltimore?
Customer: It’s in Maryland.
Secretary: No, we don’t have any in Maryland… And DC — where is DC?
Customer: Like, Washington DC…
Secretary: It says we don’t have any in that state. There’s some close by in Arizonia and California though.
Customer: No, Washington DC — like, our nation’s capitol.
Secretary: No, I don’t think so. Sorry, I’m not so good with geography.

–Brite Smile, 57th St

Overheard by: Tracey G

Posted on January 19, 2015
9 to 5-ers, Customers, Default, History & Geography, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Store, Stupidity, Weirdness

Dr. Ruth Was a Challenge to Raise

Little girl, peeking under shower curtain: Hi!
Lady in shower: Hi!
Little girl, pulling back shower curtain: Hiiii! Wow! Mom! Come here! You need to see this!

–Dodge YMCA Locker Room, Brooklyn

Posted on January 18, 2015
Brooklyn, Cleanliness, Kids, Parents, Weirdness, Women

Those Bed Bugs Were the Only Ones Who Really Understood Me

Mother: … And I cleaned your pillow cases…
Screaming child: No!
Mother: … And your blankets…
Screaming child: No!
Mother: … And your sheets!
Screaming child: No! No! No! [Cries.]

–Astoria

Overheard by: Almost too cold to laugh

Posted on January 18, 2015
Astoria, Cleanliness, Clothing, Crying, Default, Gripes, Kids, Moms, Weirdness

The Truth Is Too Boring to Tell

Lady in SUV shouting out window: What’s everyone standing in line for?
Hipster guy in line: Free Kittens!
Lady in SUV: What?
Hipster guy: Rolling Stones!
Lady in SUV: Oh.

–Art exhibition, Spring St

Overheard by: namatovu

Posted on January 18, 2015
Guys, Hipsters, Lower East Side, Questions, Strangers, Weirdness, Women

Sometimes, Wednesday One-Liners Are Tough to Swallow

Girl on cell: Five hours later, I was still pulling cum out of my hair!

–13th St

Overheard by: questioning the physics

Drunk girl to drunk guy: I would love to be 5'8", I mean…it's like not tall…but like not short. (four minutes later, screaming) Yeah…like…too much thought is like…bad for you! (later) They should've jerked you off in your sock!

–84th & Amsterdam Ave

One of four middle aged men on a bench: Well, the key is to never swallow the cum, spit the cum out.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Dan

High voiced hobo to teenager: I want you to cum on my face.

–72nd St & Broadway

20-something girl on cell: Oh, you can't carry the microscope with you? Well, if you come here we'll have to forgo the sperm. If I come to visit you, then we can work it into the schedule.

–Ess-A-Bagel

Overheard by: Emma

NYU dude: How do you get cock-blocked while you're jizzing?!

–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: IWasWonderingThatToo

Student, slamming reproductive biology book shut: Sperm! It's everywhere!

–Bobst Library

Overheard by: ttny

Posted on January 18, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Central Park, Cum, Drunks, Frat Boys, Girls, Guys, Hair, Height, Hobos, Library, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Science, Sensory Experiences, Street, Students, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Weirdness