Wednesday One-Liners Say a Mouthful

Loud woman on cell: I suck your dick and we can't be Facebook friends?

–20th St & 6th Ave

Guy to buddies in the passing Skyfari car: Yo, that building over there… That's the building where I got that $5 blowjob.

–Skyfari, Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Stefan Yonker

Young man, dismissively: I could fucking suck cocks for a living, it doesn't matter!

–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave

Middle schooler, wrestling in Aids memorial: Ooops, I sucked your dick!

–Hudson River Park

Overheard by: Nina & Phil

Middle-school girl to mother: My e-mail password is "blowjob".

–L Train

Posted on April 17, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Facebook, Friendship, Guys, Hudson River, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Men, Moms, Money & Class, Nostalgia, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Prostitution, Questions, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Think We Saw Pearl Harbor Coming?

Japanese teacher: So the ‘sou desu’ form is used when you want to say something seems like something else. Like, Tanaka San seems happy — you could say ‘Tanaka San wa ureshisou desu.’
Student #1: What if he’s smiling and he just won the lottery? Would you have to say he seems happy, or could you say that he is happy?
Japanese teacher: Well, you are not Tanaka San — he could find the money to be a burden — so you’d have to use ‘sou desu.’
Student #2: What if he’s yelling that he’s happy?
Japanese teacher: He could be lying. You never know with Tanaka San…

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Posted on April 11, 2018
Columbia (& Barnard), Languages, Students, Teachers/Professors, Words

This Is the Slow Class

Student #1: Yo, you got a piece of gum?
Student #2: Huh, what do you mean?
Student #1: Is there any other way to interpret that? Idiot!

–High School, Fort Hamilton

Posted on April 5, 2018
Brooklyn, Fast Times at New York High, Insults, Offers and requests, Students, Words

I Rarely Know

Girl #1: Hey, what is the drug in Turkey that makes you sleepy?
Girl #2: Uhmmm, hashish?
Girl #1: You put hash in your turkey?
Girl #2: What are you talking about?

–1 Train

Overheard by: renee

Posted on March 22, 2018
Drugs, Food, Girls, On the Subway, Questions, Weirdness, Words

On Appeal, the Court Reverses the Cookie Transaction and Remands the Name Issue to the District Court for Adjudication

Little girl #1: What’s your name?
Little girl #2: No!
Little girl #1: Want a cookie?
Little girl #2, snatching it and shoving it in her mouth: No!

–Sandbox, Prospect Park

Overheard by: braincurve

Posted on March 9, 2018
Brooklyn, Default, Girls, Kids, Parks, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Neither Fitty nor Mrs. Cent Could Be Reached for Comment

Overloud teenager #1: You know what I figured out? All this shit we’re listening to now… When we’re older that shit’s gonna be old school.
Overloud teenager #2: Huh?
Overloud teenager #1: That Fitty track. When we’re… older and shit, it’s gonna be old school. Shit’s gonna be old school.
Overloud teenager #2: I don’t get it.

–Uptown 1 Train

Posted on February 26, 2018
Age/Aging, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, On the Subway, Teens, Weirdness, Words

And Yet She Claims to Be My Psychic Friend?

Corporate-dressed ghetto girl #1: So I'm like she doesn't even know me! So I go to her, “Do you even know me?” cause she don't even know me!
Corporate-dressed ghetto girl #2: She doesn't even know you.

–Pax, E 52nd St

Posted on February 15, 2018
Coworkers, Default, Ghetto Chicks, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Store, Stupidity, Suits, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Too Ashamed to Wear Last Year's Blahniks

Lady looking at another woman's Roman sandals: I don't like those Jesus-lookin' sandals!

–The Village

Girl: Do flats make your butt look big?

–9th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Matt Morgan

Guy with faux-hawk: You know in Pee-wee's Big Adventure, after he loses his bike and everyone around him is riding bicycles? I feel that way with high-tops right now.

–14th & 1st

Overheard by: Heather

(trendy, skinny, Upper West Side woman on sidewalk is staring down at her feet and looking concerned)
Preppy 30-something boyfriend: I think your toes look better in those sandals.

–86th & Broadway

Overheard by: Sushene

Girl: My uncle is gay, like, flying-out-of-his-loafers gay.

–W 67th & Broadway

Overheard by: magical-newyork.blogspot.com

Female cop to two male cops: So he's standing there, really well dressed, nice shoes, and all of a sudden he pulls out this big, big (voice drops) boner, and says "Give me the shoes!"

–Continental Ave Station, Forest Hills

Posted on February 11, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Cops, Coworkers, Farting & Burping, Fashion, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Jesus, Movies, Offers and requests, Physical appearance, Preppies, Queens, Questions, Shoes, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women, Words

Why Some People Get Pet Parrots

Hyper girl walking down sidewalk: I've got an uncontrollable urge, I've got to tell you all about it! I've got an uncontrollable urge, I've got to scream and shout it! I say: yeah. (looks expectantly at serious girl next to her)
Serious girl, completely deadpan: Yeah.
Hyper girl: Ye-ah!
Serious girl: Ye-ah.
Hyper girl: I say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Serious girl: Yeah?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Scarface

Posted on January 18, 2018
Girls, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Don’t Even Try Getting All Decimally on a Twelve-Month Year

Girl #1: … And his little brother, who was like 0.6 years old…
Girl #2: Wait. 0.6 years?
Girl #1: Yeah, you know, like half a year.
Girl #2: God, you are so idiotic!

–Statue of Liberty

Posted on January 14, 2018
Age/Aging, Default, Family Ties, Girls, Insults, NYU, Tourist Attractions, Words

Words