Hispanic boy #1, taking picture of two others: Yo, stand still. Try not to laugh! Think of dead puppies or dead babies or somethin’.
Hispanic boy #2: But that will make me laugh!
–Lehman College cafeteria
Overheard by: Angelica Cayne
Hispanic boy #1, taking picture of two others: Yo, stand still. Try not to laugh! Think of dead puppies or dead babies or somethin’.
Hispanic boy #2: But that will make me laugh!
–Lehman College cafeteria
Overheard by: Angelica Cayne
[Plane lands, bounces 20 feet into the air, finally slams back to earth, knocking all the oxygen masks out.]Flight Attendant: Thank you for choosing American Airlines, ladies and gentlemen, obviously we have have landed…
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: M. Smith/Terrified Passenger
Flight Attendant: Chicken or beef? Chicken or beef? … Don’t think about it too long honey, they taste like cardboard.
–United Flight
Flight Attendant: We have two lavatories in the back of the plane and one in the front. Please use them.
–LaGuardia Airport
Pilot: Remember, there are 50 ways to leave your lover, but only 8 ways out of this aircraft.
–JFK Runway
Overheard by: cms
Pilot, after an unusually smooth landing: God damn, that landin’ was butta!
–Jet Blue JFK
Bimbette, about sleeping bag lady: She has a lot of stuff.
Boyfriend: Yeah.
Bimbette: She should get an apartment.
–25th & 3rd
Drunk guy #1: Yo, how funny was that when I told him, ‘Dude, just stick your balls in her mouth’? Remember that?
Drunk guy #2: Ewww, man, his balls are disgusting!
–LIRR
Overheard by: mrbojangles
College kid #1: …and the astrologers are having to completely change their predictions because Pluto’s not a planet anymore.
College kid #2: That’s crazy.
Random guy: Don’t make fun of astrology. Hitler took astrology seriously. So did Ronald Reagan. And kings and queens.
–1 train, 116th St
Overheard by: bluekale
Headline by: wiggity
Runners-Up:
· “Actually, The Queens Only Follow the Movements of Uranus” – Johnny B
· “Astrologists Predict Random Man Wearing Jack Boots Will Disembowel 2 College Kids” – dante mcnasty
· “I Thought Ronald Reagan Got Rid of All the Queens” – C.J.
· “Just When I Had Heard That Stupidity Was in Retrograde…” – tm78
· “Nostradumbass Lives On” – kathy
· “Pluto Is Just a Mickey Mouse Planet” – Elliott Sperber
· “Taurus: Keep Your Wits About You, as True Love Is Around the Corner. Also, You Will Invade Poland.” – Jim C.
· “What Did You Think the Star Wars Program Was About?” – Tom Dorey
Zaftig female usher: I’m trying so hard to lose weight, but I’m having the hardest time!
Obese female usher: You have to cut out sugar. That’s what I do.
–Avenue Q, Golden Theatre
Chick: I think the angel is an appropriate icon for me.
Guy: I think ben-wa balls may have been more appropriate.
–1 train
Overheard by: djlindee
Hobo: Shit, I’m jus’ tryin’ ta get me some pussy and a beef sandwich.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jason K
Old bag lady: I’m looking for some change, some food, or a sexual partner.
–Lafayette & Great Jones
Hobo: I have something to say! I fucked your daughter! And she liked it! And she was tight!
–W. 4th & University
Overheard by: Snezhana Valdman
Hobo: Too many Police investigations stopping you from reaching your destination? I may be homeless, but I got a brain. It may not be a big brain, but it’s usingable!
–Staten Island ferry
Overheard by: Joel Guilbert
Hobo: Well, since you won’t give me money, one more thing. Has your sister or girlfriend, I don’t know who she is, ever told you that bag does not go with that coat?
–45th & 9th
Overheard by: Paul Schellenberg
Drunk hobo: Hey girl! You look like Aretha Franlin! R-E-S-E-C-P-T! R-E-S-E-C-P-T! Give me some respect!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Evan
Hobo: It’s 90 degrees out. Why are we wearing clothes? That’s mental illness.
–Rockefeller Center station
College student: This is the best Barnes & Noble I've ever seen!
–Borders, Time Warner Center
Student: So, the author of the Tao Te Ching, Lao-low… Fuck it, we're calling him L-train.
–Eugene Lang College
Overheard by: Harker
Large woman with friends: Oh, girl, I got to tell you about this book I'm reading. It's off the hook! They're sending in this undercover agent, and I think it's his sister, but he's all getting ready to have sex with her!
–White Castle, 36th & 8th
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Woman on phone: I was in Union Square, so I stopped in Barnes & Noble. (pause) Nigga, I can read!
–Union Square
Little British boy: Oh my goodness, dad, look! They have books on dating. How to Date? is probably like, "Don't take her to McDonald's!"
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Laura
Tattooed artsy guy, putting hand on artsy Asian girl's shoulder: I read your book and really liked it… lotta pissing, huh?
–Mott & Prince
Woman #1: I always wear two bras when I work out.
Woman #2: Two bras?
Woman #1: Yes, a regular bra under my sports bra. That way, I don’t get all flattened out, and besides, I look more natural, don’t you think?
–14th St
Overheard by: stephanie
