Dominican girl #1, over a Nextel Two-Way: Yo. What’s up?
Dominican girl #2 across aisle, on her own Nextel Two-Way: Nuttin’. What’s up with you?
Dominican girl #1: Are you going to Jimmy’s party?
Dominican girl #2: Yeah, are you?
Dominican girl #1, pressing talk button too soon: When are you going? [Dominican girl #2 didn’t get message and doesn’t answer, so #1 yells across aisle, without phone.] Quit boxing me bitch! [To herself] Fucking Dominicans.
–Queens-bound R train
Overheard by: Rich
Preggers: So, are you going to change your phone number?
Baby daddy: Probably.
Preggers: Well, then how can I tell you about the appointments and such?
Baby daddy: You have three of my e-mail addresses.
Preggers: It’s not my responsibility to e-mail you when all of this stuff is.
Baby daddy: But you were going to text me when they were? What the fuck?! [Walks away.]
–Times Square
Overheard by: Bastard children rule!
Voice on PA system: Attention — if you want to preach, we ask that you please move around the boat. Again, don’t stand in one place; please continue moving around the boat if you want to preach.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Kate
Crazy guy: Ladies and gentlemen, the Bible says that the fire will come in the form of locusts. Ladies and gentlemen, the Apache helicopter created by the U.S. Army is in the shape of locusts. If you don’t believe me, look it up. Please believe me, ladies and gentlemen…
–2 train
Overheard by: beeloo
God Squad guy: Let Jesus be your lawyer! OJ Simpson, Michael Jackson — what did they have? Good lawyers! On Judgment Day, you’re going to need a lawyer! Let Jesus represent you!
–Roosevelt Ave station
Overheard by: How come Jesus didn’t represent himself at the Crucifiction?
Black Jewish preacher: Bad boy, bad boy — whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when Jesus come for you?
–21st St
Man: Everything you see belongs to the Lord. He is willing to save your soul. [Cell phone rings, and he answers] Hi, honey… I’m in the Bronx, preaching… I told you last night, remember? I said, ‘God is telling me to preach in the Bronx.’ Yes, I did tell you! [Hisses] You never fucking listen!
–6 train
Angry girlfriend: I don’t want you to challenge me on anything!
Boyfriend: [Silence.]Angry girlfriend: I don’t want you to tell me I’m wrong!
Boyfriend: [Silence.]Angry girlfriend: If you’re not going to tell me I’m correct, just don’t talk anymore.
–F train
Overheard by: Colleen
Man: You’re not mad at me?
Woman: Nah. I can’t get mad at you, ’cause I look in your face and know you’re not a valiscious person. You don’t mean it. Some people, though — some people are just downright valiscious.
–30th & Madison
Overheard by: Unrelenting Monkey
Chick: When Derek Jeter sees where my new bug bites are, he’s going to go ballistic.
–McDonald’s, 51st & 3rd
Overheard by: Jack
Enlightened film student to dense film student: Y’know, I can’t wait for you to wake up one day, sit straight up in bed with your eyes open wide and realize that Quentin Tarantino sucks ass!
–Borders
Old guy to wife: God, Matthew McConaughey is a fucking faggot. That guy’s been sucking cock since he was born.
–42nd & Broadway
Newspaper peddler: Read all about it! Britney Spears just died! Read all about it!
–Wall St & Broadway
11-year-old girl, leaning on subway pole: I want to jump on this pole like Tila Tequila! She can put her legs up over her head!
–E train, 50th St
20-ish white girl to friends: Guys, sometimes I just feel like the only white girl in the city…
–Fulton St
Overheard by: other white girls
Hobo peering in from sidewalk: Ain’t nothin’ but white people all up in this motherfucker! This shit is racist, yo!
–Garden of Eden, 107th & Broadway
Overheard by: Bubby
Black girl on cell: He fucked a white girl? He fucked a white girl?! How stupid is he? You know if you fuck a white girl you gotta get her consent and then sign a contract!
–PATH platform
Angry black traveler on cell: Do you know how long it takes me to get to JFK from my place?! I’m surrounded by crackers! I. Do. Not. Want. To. Be. Here. Crackers all starin’ at me… I dunno what they’re lookin’ at.
–JFK
Overheard by: Not A Cracker But Staring Anyway
Old white guy at Cirque du Soleil show, to daughter: Is this primarily a white thing? I guess that’s why I don’t like this show. I’ve got too much soul for this.
–Madison Square Garden
Drunk black lesbian: I am not racist in any way. I believe that it’s something that’s taught and passed down from your parents. I am not a racist… but what’s up with white people?!
–D train
Hardhat #1: Paddy, you’re Irish Catholic, right?
Hardhat #2: Yeah.
Passerby: Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene.
Hardhat #2: Shut you fuckin’ mouth! I will believe that crock of shit when you show me a marriage certificate.
–Broad St
Girl #1, outraged: How could you have sex without us?!
Girl #2: Relax — it was with a guy.
–Columbia University
Eight-year-old: But Dad, why are we in the bookstore if we’re not buying books?
Dad: Because Daddy likes quiet places.
Eight-year-old: That sounds gay.
Dad, looking nervous: Shut up!
–Borders
Overheard by: Eyeoftherabbit
