Not That There’s Anything Wrong with Wednesday One-Liners

Dude on cell: I’m okay with it. As long as nobody slaps me or calls me gay or spits on me. Those are my three things. As long as nobody does those three things.

–21st St & 8th Ave

Asian girl: You gave me the gay!

–C Train

Overheard by: Jordan

Female cop to male cop: You a queer? For real, you queer? You a queer? You a queer? Oh, I didn’t know that. Okay. [Nods.]

–C Train

Barnard girl to friends: I don’t think he’s gay, I just think he has problems having sex with women.

–Columbia University Steps

Overheard by: John Jay

Man to friend: See, I told you this was a gay neighborhood, look at all the women!

–Montague Street, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: glekapolis

Loudly homophobic guy: Gay! Gay! My ass hurts from watching that preview!

–AMC Theater, Times Square

Overheard by: Lo

Posted on May 28, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Ass, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Coworkers, Fears, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Insults, Men, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Sorority Girls, Theater, Times Square, Women

Apparently Superior Court Judges Don’t Take Too Kindly to That

Sad Latino dude: She said no.
Outraged Latino dude: What?!? How could she say no?! After all the time you spent thinking about her ass!

–Willoughby & Taafe, Brooklyn

Overheard by: jacob

Posted on May 27, 2008
Ass, Brooklyn, Default, Depressed, Guys, Latinos, Questions, Relationships

Making Crazy-Spotting Impossible

Girl #1: What kind of man wears a toe ring?
Girl #2: Umm… he was talking to himself and fumbling with something in his butt.
Girl #1: Yeah, but he had a blackberry.

–A Train

Overheard by: Cynthia

Posted on May 6, 2008
Ass, Blackberry, Default, Fashion, Gender issues, Girls, On the Subway, Questions

Sex With Your Ex Is Always Something Special

Huge black guy on cell: Yo man, I got nostalgic on that ass!

–Center & Lafayette

Overheard by: jonnytimmy

Posted on May 5, 2008
Ass, Black People, Default, Guys, On Cell, One-liners, Relationships, The Village

Wednesday One-Liners Spin Fat into Muscle

African man, yelling into cell: I am not riding a bike! I’m not a machine! I’m not a machine! I’m not a wheel!

–W 23rd St

Overheard by: I’m a train!

Loud chick on cell: So I told him he’s gotta do some exercises or something to keep up with me. I mean, he doesn’t do any foreplay or anything, just climbs his fat ass on top of me…

–37th & Broadway

Guy on phone at sandwich shop: How am I? Well, that’s a complicated quesion -do you mean right now, or in general? Because right now, Lisa’s got a really bad cold and is all set up on the couch and I just got back from a eulogy for a friend’s pop. So now I’m getting a coffee and then I plan on riding the bicycle at the gym -’cause that’s the closest I can get to heroin. How are you?

–85th & Columbus Ave

Lady, to marathon wheelchair participants: Don’t just sit there, go go go!

–99th & 5th, NYC Marathon

Grown woman, clapping and bouncing up and down: Yaaaaaaay, I get to go on the slide!

–76th & York

Ten-year-old girl leaving the midnight showing of Harry Potter: Ugh. I am never working out again!

–68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Posted on April 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazy, Death, Depressed, Diet/Weight, Fitness, Foreplay, Friendship, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Handicaps, Happiness, Heroin, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Psychology, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Tweens, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Did I Get the Job, at Least?

Chick: My tongue was in somebody’s ass? Whose ass?
Dude: I dunno. That’s just what they said…

–92nd & 3rd, Brooklyn

Overheard by: BillyBlog

Posted on April 20, 2008
Ass, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Default, Girls, Guys, Licking, Promiscuity, Questions

No, Ma’am, It Certainly Is Not

5th grader on school trip on train: I wanna sit down!
Teacher, in southern accent: Well I want a small ass but thats not happening either now is it?!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Brandon E.

Posted on April 19, 2008
Ass, Default, Diet/Weight, Education, Etiquette, Kids, On the Subway, Students, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

A Spit in the Hand May Be Quite Continental, but KY Is a Girl’s Best Friend

Gal #1: So, we’re having a Heath Ledger retrospective this weekend – 10
Things, Knight’s Tale and Brokeback Mountain.
Gal #2: Problem -those first two annoy me and the third one made my butt hurt.
Gal #1: Eww! Wow. I can’t believe that’s all you took away from that movie!
Gal #2: Oh, no, it was from the chair… Not the butt sex…

–Columbus Circle

Posted on April 14, 2008
About Celebrities, Ass, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Movies, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

The Shameless Name Dropping Of Wednesday One-Liners

Elegant lady on cell: I’m a powerful influence on the Kennedys.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Fat black man to white man who breaks his umbrella while trying to help him open it: Aw, hells no. Don’t make me go all Britney Spears on yo’ ass.

–Duane Reade, 57th & Broadway

Chick, to guy: Danny Pintauro hit on you at a leather club?

–14th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Ladle

Professor to class: … The ark of the covenant gone, only to be found by Harrison Ford later on.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Krisztina

Barista to meathead: … That’s the thing about Drew Bledsoe. He smokes a lot of marijuana.

–11th & Bedford

NYU girl: I want to be Patrick Dempsey! So I could fuck myself!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Maya G.

Suit on cell: Dude, you’re dating Sigourney Weaver? Right now? Dude, are you kissing her? Are you grabbing her ass? Does she still have an ass at this point?

–66th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ken

Posted on April 9, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Baristas, Black People, Brooklyn, Dating, Default, Duane Reade, Fat People, Fordham, Girls, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, On Cell, Politics, Questions, Rich people, S&M, Sex, Smoking, Street, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Weed, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Shake What Your Baby-Daddy Gave You

Woman in elevator: I am so glad they are finally making stylish maternity clothes. I mean, honestly, when I am pregnant I can’t just like stay home and sit with my kid in me. I want to go out and shake my ass.
Her friend: I know, thank god.

–Elevator

Posted on April 5, 2008
Ass, Clothing, Default, Elevators, Friends, Happiness, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Wishes & desires, Women

Ass

Making Crazy-Spotting Impossible