The More the Merrier, Wednesday One-Liners!

Elderly woman sipping wine: Three girls and one guy? Sounds like a good time!

–Queens

Overheard by: amused cashier

Dude on cell: Hey bro, whatcha doing? Oh, yeah? What about your friend, does he like doing that? Does he like it a lot? Do you think I can come over? Well, then we can all do that together, a lot. (sees people looking at him) I'll talk to you later, bro.

–Church St Post Office

Overheard by: deshaunicus

Serious girl: And then they asked for a three-way, but a tasteful one.

–15th St & 5th Ave

Middle aged woman to friend: I just got this bike seat but I have to return it. I was riding around on it yesterday and when I woke up this morning, I felt like I'd been gang-banged by the Pittsburgh Steelers.

–Bike Shop, 12th St & Ave B

20-something chick: I am *so* over threesomes. There's just too much going on!

–Weight Room, Coles Gym

Overheard by: M.F.

White chick in sundress: I'm too naive for their kind of orgies.

–Dallas BBQ, 165th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Drunk guy at bar: I have to pee, but first I have one word for you: threesome.

–Crocodile Lounge

Posted on October 22, 2008
Alphabet City, Ass, Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Football, Friends, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Orgy, Pee, Queens, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Street, Stuyvesant Town, The Village, Three is Company, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Women, Words

Let's Go Back to the Subway

Tourist #1 (passing by flower display at the lobby of MoMA): What's that smell?
Tourist #2: Smells like ass in here!

–Metropolitan Musuem of Art

Posted on October 13, 2008
Ass, Compare/Contrast, Default, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, The Met, Tourists

I Told Him to Use the Ladies'

Barnes & Noble employee #1: Some bum is washing his ass in the men's restroom.
Barnes & Noble employee #2 (in horror): Oh god.

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Yesenia

Posted on September 30, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Ass, Coworkers, Default, Etiquette, Health and Hygiene, Store, Weirdness

What What (In the Wednesday One-Liners)?

Russian woman to fat guy (after he yelled at her): Escooz me, cood you please poot your ass out of ze vindow so I can seet? (fat guy remains seated)

–B1 Bus

Overheard by: Robert

Gay: Your ass looks great! Have you started bottoming?

–Christopher St Pier

Young kid: 14th Street, like her ass on my face.

–Union Square Subway Station

Overheard by: Pza

20-something gay suit: My butt always causes friction.

–Elevator, Midtown Building

Sorority hungover girl talking about birth: I came out ass first, isn't that typical?

–Denny's

Guy to chick: We will use your ass as a presentational ass.

–Weight Room, Coles Gym

Overheard by: Ladle

Teen girl to friend: I feel like my butt just came off. You ever feel like that?

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: Alison

Posted on September 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, Buildings, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Elevators, Fitness, Foreigners, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Queer guys, Queers, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women, Words

And NASA

Hipster girl: Well they said her nose was going to fall off or something, so she actually hired this dude to blow the coke up her ass. Like, that was his job.
Hipster guy: I'm jealous.
Hipster girl: I know. I have a new respect for Fleetwood Mac.

–Baluchi's, East Village

Posted on September 12, 2008
Ass, Body Parts, Cocaine, Default, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Jobs & Careers, Music, Restaurants & Cafes, Union Square and East Village

Whomever Can Best Draw This Diagram Wins Our Everlasting Respect

Girl to friend (about guy with camera behind her): His dick is digging into my back!
Guy to friend (oblivious to what girl said): My camera lens is digging into her ass!

–The Crazy Donkey, Broadhollow Road

Overheard by:

Posted on July 15, 2008
Ass, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Girls, Guys, Long Island, Penis, Theater

At Least It Complements Your Syrupy Sweetness

Woman in stall #1: I hate it when this happens!
Woman in stall #2: What?
Woman in stall #1: These pants! They looked so nice but they flatten my ass. My ass is flat now. I look like pancake ass!

–Fitting Room, Staten Island

Posted on July 7, 2008
Ass, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Default, Gripes, Physical appearance, Stall Spies, Staten Island, Store, Women

Why We Named Her “Nagasaki”

Girl: God, that dog’s farts are disgusting.
Guy: Yea, her ass smells like World War II.

–M Train

Overheard by: Jonathan V.

Posted on June 9, 2008
Animals & Nature, Ass, Compare/Contrast, Default, Farting & Burping, Girls, Gripes, Guys, History & Geography, On the Subway, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences

Would Also Help Solve the Problem of What to Put in My Video-Will

Old man: By this time of day, my left buttcheek always starts hurting! Not the right one, just the left one. In the morning I feel fine, but by the afternoon… It hurts!
Old lady: I don’t know what to tell you, Earl. Maybe you need to shake it more.

–Bay Terrace

Overheard by: Sov

Posted on May 31, 2008
Advice, Ass, Default, Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Men, Old People, Queens, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness, Women

Not That There’s Anything Wrong with Wednesday One-Liners

Dude on cell: I’m okay with it. As long as nobody slaps me or calls me gay or spits on me. Those are my three things. As long as nobody does those three things.

–21st St & 8th Ave

Asian girl: You gave me the gay!

–C Train

Overheard by: Jordan

Female cop to male cop: You a queer? For real, you queer? You a queer? You a queer? Oh, I didn’t know that. Okay. [Nods.]

–C Train

Barnard girl to friends: I don’t think he’s gay, I just think he has problems having sex with women.

–Columbia University Steps

Overheard by: John Jay

Man to friend: See, I told you this was a gay neighborhood, look at all the women!

–Montague Street, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: glekapolis