Large ghetto lady: Astro place?
Thug: Yeah, Astro place.
Large ghetto lady: Motherfucka, can you read?!
Thug: It's Astro place, it should definitely be Astro place.
Large ghetto lady: It's Astor place, ain't no Astro place.
Thug: Like, do you throw asses at it and shit?
Large ghetto lady: Asto-o-o-o-r-r-r place (laughs condescendingly for at least a minute) Yo, I got arrested at Astor place.
–Downtown 6 Train
Overheard by: Sad to say, I got off at the same stop.
Glum construction worker, singing slowly: We will…we will…not get paid.
–Caton Place
Overheard by: Cottonfluff
Hardhat to another: You got a rash on yo ass, know what I'm sayin?
–12th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: j
Construction worker to friends, watching girl in a bubble dress walk down the street: Damn, yo, I hate those skirts, yo. That's the stupidest shit I ever seen.
–13th St & 5th Ave
Construction worker to group of girls walking past, carrying food bags: Want to grab lunch?
(girls ignore him) Dinner? Breakfast? (girls continue to ignore him, so he yells at them) Just a snack, then?
–Prince Street
Overheard by: Courtney Messer
Eastern European construction worker to pigeon: You! Yes, hey you! Eat this! Is good for you! Will put hair on your balls! Yes, eat, eat!
–23rd & 1st
Overheard by: Becka Dash
Girl: Dude, good think Thom Yorke is a great musician, because that guy looks like my dog's ass.
Guy: If your dog's ass looks like Thom Yorke, I suggest you put that dog up for sale.
Girl: I would never sell my dog!
Guy: I would sell my dog on eBay in a heartbeat.
Girl: You can't sell animals on eBay.
Guy: I would sell my dog's leash and throw in the dog for free.
–Fordham Ram Van
Overheard by: sromeo
45-year-old woman: So I ended up shaving it, and it looks so pretty! It's like I'm ten years old again!
–Houlihans Restaurant
Overheard by: remembers when she was ten years old
Girl on cell: Wait. The dad shaves the son's ass?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Guy in shower to guy in the next: Man, I am never shaving my pubes again.
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: traPt
Guy with a bunch of tattoos: The sex was great, but she was psychotic. Every time I shaved she would accuse me of having had oral sex with another woman.
–86th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Alan
British woman on cell: Are you shaving? Your face or your balls?
–13th & Broadway
Overheard by: Just around
Girl: Imagine if you're fat? You would die.
–College of Staten Island
Overheard by: Nameless
Girl on cell: I just don't trust her, she's fat. Fat girls always cause problems.
–3rd Ave & 40th
Overheard by: Liz
Overweight teen girl to friend: It's like, I'm kind of hungry but like I don't feel like eating anything. (a minute later to cashier) I'll have three bacon cheeseburgers, large fries and a frosty.
–Wendy's, Union Square
Overheard by: I was starving and bought less
14-year-old girl to group of friends: I don't skinny dip, I chunky dunk.
–18th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Will
Senior ad exec to junior art designer: What the fuck doesn't this guy understand? The machine literally sucks fat out of your body! So we can't show a girl with a huge ass and huge thighs in the ad! Get it the fuck together!
–49th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: agree to agree
20-something girl: I think I look fat when I don't have armpit hair.
–Canal & Mott
Conductor: Hey, partner, can we go? (static) We can't? Why the heck not? Hey, moron, get your ass in here! You're holding up a bunch of wonderful people! Wonderful New York commuters who don't need this kind of fucking bullshit at 3 on a Friday afternoon! (static) Yes, you! Keep pointing at yourself and my answer will keep being… Yes, it's you! Goddammit, get in the fucking train! I hate dealing with this! (long pause) You know what, make a decision: either cram your Rosie O'Donnell ass in or get the fuck out! Oh, look, he's in! (slow, sarcastic applause) Partner, we can bounce up on out of here now.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Train Wreck
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, for the next 250 years there will be track work on weekends. Don't say that no one told you.
–R Train
Overheard by: Mezz
Conductor: If you don't fit on this train kindly wait for the next B. (doors close) That was excellent, ladies and gentlemen, if you keep this up, we'll all be home really soon.
–B Train
Conductor, looking forward to the end of his shift: All right folks, this is your 6:07 train to New Haven stopping at 125th, then express to Stamford. We're off… (makes clippy-clop noises) Neeiiigghh!
–Metro-North Train
Overheard by: Amused passenger
Conductor: This is 125th Street, may the force be with you, next stop 86th Street.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Luke Skywalker
Conductor, after train goes through stop: Whoops! My bad. My bad.
–G Train
Overheard by: El David
Conductor, after train stops: Ladies and gentlemen, there is train traffic up ahead. We'll start moving as soon… (train starts moving) Oh, well, I guess that's cleared up. Weee!
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Man #1: I don't want to take it in the ass.
Man #2: What does it matter? Everybody is taking it in the ass.
–28th St & Lexington Ave
Overheard by: danny
Guy #1: Yeah, she looked like such a mess. Her ass was hanging out and everything. Man, if that was my daughter I would take her aside and say, “Listen. Cover yourself up. That's only for daddy.”
Guy #2: Hahaha, for sure. (pause) Wait. Say that again.
–54th St
Hobo #1: But that's not enough to have pee in my butt…
Hobo #2 (interrupting): What would have been enough? 30, 40 dollars?
Hobo #1: Huh? Well! What the hell are you asking for? Now, exactly, you can pee in my butt for nothing…for a conversation… for a howdy do!
–YMCA
Overheard by: German Deter
Student #1: Gah, cyclohexane smells like ass!
Student #2: Gretchen!*.
Student #1: Sorry, I like sounding smart and stupid at the same time.
–Barnard Chem Lab
