Suit to other suit: They drive it through the city in milk trucks so that no one will know.
–6th between 55th & 56th
Overheard by: Ann M. Hetzel
Queer on cell: Sunday? Well, I hate to say this out loud on a cell phone where the authorities can hear, but. . . that’s Tonys night.
–Broadway & 33rd, Astoria
Overheard by: lily carver
Guy: I went to high school with you. I was a senior when you were a freshman. I used to look at your pantylines in gym class.
–Kevin St. James, 46th & 8th
Woman: No, I’m telling you, I’m right! He couldn’t eat the Trix because he was an adult rabbit, and Trix were only supposed to be for kids.
Man: Well, I always thought it was just because he was a rabbit and not a person.
[A period of silence — the woman looks down at her food.]
Man: What’s wrong?
Woman: I’m just really getting tired of you always being wrong.
–Michael’s Restaurant, Broadway & 34th St, Astoria
Old lady on bench #1: When he was alive, no mail. Now that he’s dead, he gets mail every day!
Old lady on bench #2: Nobody cares til you’re dead.
–31st & Ditmars, Astoria
Overheard by: Cathy Albright
Drunk girl: I’m not that drunk. I hate how when I only get a little drunk I still slur words.
–Astoria
Woman on cell: Hold on, I have to juggle, I’m pushing a stroller, walking the dog and holding a big bag of poop.
–189th & Broadway
Chick on cell: I need you to give me a ride home when I get off the bus. My grandma has been standing in front of my house for over one hour…I bet you anything she needs money again.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Julio
Cashier chick #1: Girl, I had a dream last night that I was pregnant!
Cashier chick #2: Damn girl, don’t you know that mean someone is gonna die?
Cashier chick #1: Oh no. I don’t want no one in my family to die. Except my grandma.
–C-Town, Astoria
Overheard by: Cap’n Ron
Hipster guy: Two black guys fucking two white bitches on Martin Luther King day. That shit’s trippy. I bet that was what that whole “I have a dream” shit was really about. The right to fuck white bitches.
–Starbucks, 28th & 3rd
Hipster guy: I need a woman to love me so I can alienate her. The love part, that’s where it gets difficult.
Girl #1: Oh, come on. It’s so easy to find a needy bitch.
Girl #2: Have you tried AA?
–Astoria
Girl #1: Oh no, I can feel my pulse in my neck!
Girl #2: You can always feel your pulse in your neck, douchebag.
Girl #1: No, but it’s, like, really strong.
–Washington Square Park
Bag lady: I have osteoporosis.
Hobo: Ostoprognosis? Is that serious?
Bag lady: Well, I might die from it. It makes you boneless. I have no bones. Like a Perdue chicken.
Hobo: So it turns you into a skeleton!
–2 train
Guy: I wish I could turn my fat into gold.
–18th & 5th
Overheard by: basselope
Old cashier lady: Sixteen years ago they gave me 72 hours to live. I only have three arteries in my heart.
Old customer lady: How many are you supposed to have?
Old cashier lady: Four.
Old customer lady: Oh. That’s not that bad…
–Stop and Shop, Astoria
Overheard by: Dan
