Wednesday One-Liners Aced Anatomy 101

Mother, to little boy: No, you cannot smell my armpit!

–Keyspan Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jesse

Doctor on cell: Look, having knees doesn’t make you special.

–Oustide New York Presbyterian Hospital

Ghetto chick: When she’s asleep, I’m gonna squat on her brain.

–16th between 7th & 8th

Overheard by: alyssa

Father of little girl who has just hit her head: Did your brain fall out?

–Chili’s, Staten Island

Overheard by: Ada and Andi

Chick: His teeth are really straight. But that’s because he was home-schooled.

–Baskin Robbins, 23rd & 8th

Guy: Every time a girl sees my teeth, she’s like, “Naaah.” I’m gonna get this whole shit redone, where they take them all out and replace the whole thing. It costs like $20,000…Only thing is you have to go two months without any teeth.

–29th St & 33rd Ave, Astoria

Middle-aged man, to college girl in skirt: Excuse me, miss, you have very nice legs. Have you ever thought about doing voice-overs?

–31st & 6th

Overheard by: plo

Teenage boy: Who wants to play guess which body part am I fidgeting?

–North Gannon & Bradley, Staten Island

Overheard by: Shamrocknroll

Posted on July 26, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Brooklyn, Creepsters, Dads, Doctors, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Masturbation, Penis, Staten Island, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

She Means the Middle East of Central Europe

Girl #1: Yo, all these places are Greek. Owned by people who are Greek, ya know?
Girl #2: That means they’re from the Middle East, right? Like Yugoslavia and shit.

–28th & Steinway, Astoria

Overheard by: Gregorio

Posted on July 21, 2006
Astoria, Ethnic Food, Food, Foreigners, Girls, Global Geography, History & Geography, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, People, Places, Queens, Topics

Wednesday One-Liners Are Being Watched

Suit to other suit: They drive it through the city in milk trucks so that no one will know.

–6th between 55th & 56th

Overheard by: Ann M. Hetzel

Queer on cell: Sunday? Well, I hate to say this out loud on a cell phone where the authorities can hear, but. . . that’s Tonys night.

–Broadway & 33rd, Astoria

Overheard by: lily carver

Guy: I went to high school with you. I was a senior when you were a freshman. I used to look at your pantylines in gym class.

–Kevin St. James, 46th & 8th

Posted on June 7, 2006
Arts & Letters, Astoria, Bars & Clubs, Crime and Punishment, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Pop Culture, Queens, Queers, Sex & Relationships, Suits, Theater & Dance, TV

That Really Gets My Goat

Woman: No, I’m telling you, I’m right! He couldn’t eat the Trix because he was an adult rabbit, and Trix were only supposed to be for kids.
Man: Well, I always thought it was just because he was a rabbit and not a person.
[A period of silence — the woman looks down at her food.] Man: What’s wrong?
Woman: I’m just really getting tired of you always being wrong.

–Michael’s Restaurant, Broadway & 34th St, Astoria

Posted on June 1, 2006
Animals & Nature, Astoria, Pop Culture, Queens, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex & Relationships

He Gets Coupons for Bed, Bath & the Beyond

Old lady on bench #1: When he was alive, no mail. Now that he’s dead, he gets mail every day!
Old lady on bench #2: Nobody cares til you’re dead.

–31st & Ditmars, Astoria

Overheard by: Cathy Albright

Posted on May 14, 2006
Astoria, Death, Old People

Wednesday One-liners Watch What They Say

Drunk girl: I’m not that drunk. I hate how when I only get a little drunk I still slur words.

–Astoria

Posted on March 31, 2006
Astoria, Drinking & Drunk People, Friendship, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Queens, Stupidity, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wednesday One-liners Sit on the Throne

Woman on cell: Hold on, I have to juggle, I’m pushing a stroller, walking the dog and holding a big bag of poop.

–189th & Broadway

Posted on March 22, 2006
Arts & Letters, Astoria, Brooklyn, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Manhattan, More museums, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Poop, Queens, Retail Therapy, Should've Used a Condom, Stall Spies, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-liners Will Miss Greenspan

Chick on cell: I need you to give me a ride home when I get off the bus. My grandma has been standing in front of my house for over one hour…I bet you anything she needs money again.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Julio

Posted on March 22, 2006
Astoria, Fashion, Food, Hobos, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Port Authority, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Retail Therapy, Shopping, Should've Used a Condom, Stupidity, Times Square, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

She’s a Highlander, Too

Cashier chick #1: Girl, I had a dream last night that I was pregnant!
Cashier chick #2: Damn girl, don’t you know that mean someone is gonna die?
Cashier chick #1: Oh no. I don’t want no one in my family to die. Except my grandma.

–C-Town, Astoria

Overheard by: Cap’n Ron

Posted on March 18, 2006
Astoria, Death, Health and Hygiene, Old People, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Retail Therapy

Wednesday One-liners Could Use Some Color

Hipster guy: Two black guys fucking two white bitches on Martin Luther King day. That shit’s trippy. I bet that was what that whole “I have a dream” shit was really about. The right to fuck white bitches.

–Starbucks, 28th & 3rd

Posted on February 8, 2006
Astoria, Hipsters, Hobos, Manhattan, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, People, Sex, Williamsburg