Wednesday One-Liners Go Balls Out

Male kickballer: You know, I always like waking up with two testicles!

–Queensboro Oval, 59th & York

Overheard by: Me too

Bag lady outside of a shelter to another: Men think all they got to do is show us their dick and balls and we gonna be mesmerized.

–30th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Beef Cheeks

Gay guy: Yeah, I stopped watching that game after he started dressing up like a woman and kicking photographers in the balls.

–Park Ave & 20th St

Overheard by: fey

High school girl wrapping arms around other girl's shoulders: Suck my balls.

–60th b/w Broadway & Columbus

Overheard by: Krisztina

Posted on September 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Balls, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Insults, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Penis, Queer guys, Teens, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

A Real Man Has the Scars to Prove It

Older guy at table: Goddamn it!
Younger man: What's the matter?
Older guy: Do you ever get some loose skin from your ball sack stuck in you fly? I can tell you right now, it's a motherfucker!
Younger guy: No, that's why we wear underwear.
Older guy: Yeah, well back in my day I was raised without them and god forbid, as long as I live, I'll never put one on till I'm cold dead.

–Burger King, Broadway

Posted on August 16, 2008
Balls, Clothing, Death, Default, Guys, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Weirdness

Which Is Exactly What I Look for in a Sword-Swallower

Black man #1: Yo, her mouth was so big it fit my dick and yo' balls in it.
Black Man #2: Oh, word?

–Yankees Stadium

Overheard by: HE said what?!

Posted on August 15, 2008
Balls, BJs, Black People, Body Parts, Default, Men, Penis, Yankee Stadium

Wednesday One-Liners Are the Stuff of Myth

Really pissed mom: And do you know what size unicorn they tried on her first? Medium.

–Macy's

Cafe employee, about pastries: Those look like fairy testicles.

–HopScotch Cafe

Overheard by: bildita

Guy yelling to passers-by: You're all materialistic, yuppie, vampire kings!

–W4th & Cornelia

Overheard by: greg

Man on cell: So Santa Claus will be there?

–Broadway & Wall St

Woman: When she was a newborn she looked exactly like Yoda, and then she grew up into Dopey.

–Penn Plaza

Five-year-old boy looking out of window: Ahh! I hate the sun! Vampires hate the sun!

–Q Train

Overheard by: LoRna

Posted on August 6, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Balls, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Holidays, Insults, Kids, Magic, Men, Moms, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Strangers, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

You’re Welcome to Babysit Mine for a While

Dude #1: Today, I saw someone wearing jeans that were like, way too tight.
Asian chick: Skinny jeans? I love skinny jeans!
Dude #1: On a guy? These were on a guy!
Asian chick: Oh, then… no.
Dude #1: Guys shouldn’t wear their jeans that tight. It’s bad for the balls.
Dude #2: It’s seriously bad for the balls. It’s unhealthy.
Asian chick (skeptically): Nuh-uh.
Dude #2: You wouldn’t know!
Dude #1: You don’t even have balls!
Asian chick: No. (considers) But if I did, I’d play with them all the time.

–NYU Elevator

Overheard by: Hannah

Posted on July 22, 2008
Asians, Balls, Clothing, Default, Elevators, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, NYU

Remember– Teabaggers Can Be Choosers

Slutty teenager: I think I had his balls in my mouth. That’s so degrading.
Slutty goth teenager: What the fuck? Even I haven’t had his balls in my mouth. And we were like, practically dating.

–F Train

Overheard by: Kelly

Posted on June 20, 2008
Balls, BJs, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Default, Friends, Goths, Gripes, On the Subway, Teens

And the Ensuing Blowjob Happened Organically

Guy #1: My friend hit my balls so I tackled him to the ground and grabbed his nuts. That’s not gay, right?
Guy #2: No, he hit you first.
Guy #1: I mean, it’s not like I was crushing grapes or anything, he hit me in the nuts! What was I supposed to do!?

–NYU Bus

Overheard by: totallynotgay

Posted on May 29, 2008
Balls, Default, Fears, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Guys, NYU, On the Bus, Questions, Violence

Are You Pre-op or Post-op, Wednesday One-Liners?

Pragmatic bouncer: Well, there weren’t enough women there, so we threw in a tranny…

–Broadway Caribou Coffee

Overheard by: jenny Lui

Man, to friend: So, he says to me "Oh, I have a sex-change operation scheduled for that day, so I can’t make it."

–46th, b/w 8th & 9th

Overheard by: christine

30-something woman with nose ring, on cell: She’s like a transvestite… And an ugly bird. She’s like a transvestite and an emu. [pause] It’s a really ugly bird.

–7th Ave

Overheard by: James from Jersey

Guy: So then I was like, suck my twat!

–21st & 6th

20-something girl: I had him as both a man and a woman.

–17th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Tater

Dude: It’s been ages since I had testicles!

–Grand Sichuan, St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on May 28, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Birds, Bouncers, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Not New York, On Cell, Physical appearance, Restaurants & Cafes, Surgery, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women, Words

So What’s the Going Rate for Hairballing, Anyway?

Drunk dude #1: He has a total hair fetish.
Drunk dude #2: How do you know?
Drunk dude #1: Remember Kathy?
Drunk dude #3: The whore?
Drunk dude #1: Yeah. Well, he asked her how much it’d be to rub her hair on his balls, and she said $50.

–49th & 8th

Overheard by: Jordan

Posted on April 24, 2008
Balls, Default, Drunks, Friends, Guys, Hair, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Prostitution, Questions, Sex

…to Go

Girl: Well, you would have to be loaded to get someone to wash your balls every hour.
Guy: No, I wouldn’t. I could do that shit now! Just pay someone who works at McDonald’s five bucks an hour more, they would so do it.
Girl: Yah, but do you really want someone who worked at McDonald’s washing your balls?
Guy: I’m getting a chubby.

–Greene St & Spring St

Overheard by: Laughed Out Loud

Posted on April 5, 2008
Balls, Default, Erections, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Street, The Village