Woman picking out watch for Christmas list: I'll put this one on my list. Carl'll get it for me.
Friend: What are you gonna get him?
Woman: I'm taking him to the eye doctor and getting him glasses.
Friend: So he can see how pretty you are.
Woman: Actually, it's so he can see his Nazi zombies on his Xbox.
–Bloomingdale's
Overheard by: yeppers
Dominican guy: I really like your haircut.
Brooklyn guy: Yeah, the women at work really liked it, but I never take anything they say seriously because I know how ugly I am.
Dominican guy: Yeah, I know what you mean. You know like when women say “I want to be with you,” but they really don't do that…
Brooklyn guy: Okay, this is the only thing that is going to be true of what I say from now on. Every girl I asked out has said yes, but didn't mean it.
Dominican guy: Is this a hypothetical situation?
–Harlem
Preppy chick: She’s lucky that she’s so beautiful that she can have a name like ‘Agnes.’
–12th & Park Ave South
Overheard by: fey
Hipster chick: Hey! I didn’t know it was you — you look so pretty!
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: triphere
Man, to no one: The federal government is after the woman. You know why? Because she breeds, dammit! But she’s gonna get old, and I’m not paying child support! If a woman is so beautiful, then why can’t she use the toilet?
–4 train
Woman on cell: That ho said my baby girl was beautiful! I said, ‘I know she beautiful — I made that bitch!’
–Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: Robbie
Mom to four-year-old daughter: I do not need you telling me I’m not beautiful on the inside!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Kates
Man #1: There are no cute chicks here.
Man #2: Yeah.
Man #1: Let’s go some place else — my wife is working overnight at the hospital.
–ESPN Zone Sports Bar, Times Square
Teen girl #1: I hate you. Your boobs are always so cute and perky!
Teen girl #2: Yeah, but when I’m not wearing a bra, they’re like…down to my navel.
–Kew Gardens
Sorority chick leaving a democratic rally where hillary clinton spoke: God, they all sounded so political!
–Wagner College
5 year-old boy (to his mother): Is it true that obama's going to raise taxes?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jen
Woman on cell: I'm trying to find joe sixpack. (pause) no, I don't know joe sixpack.
–98th & Broadway
Several middle-aged, wealthy #40 something upper east side ladies at the dinner table next to us at a french restaurant, discussing politics. The last point on sarah palin: "her hair's fine, her glasses are fine, her clothes are ok but I'm sorry, she's a fucking loser."
–Jacques Brasserie — Upper East Side
Overheard by: Lindsey Miller
Drunk girl: "if lil' wayne was president, things would be running much more smoothly."
–E Houston St & Lafayette St,
Overheard by: Teddy
"my cousin said that obama is the antichrist."
(pause).
"that's mad rude, right?"
–M66
Overheard by: Charley
Hobo: Hey, excuse me, excuse me…Excuse me. I just want to tell you that you are a beautiful girl. Really, no, really, you beautiful. You should go to Hollywood. You stay beautiful, girl, and remember you will always be beautiful…Just don’t get fat.
Girl: Well that’s the most honest compliment I’ve ever gotten.
–F train
Overheard by: kdice
Guy on cell: I eat ass like a champion.
–Havemeyer & S 1st St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: EA
Scary old guy to pretty woman: Oooh, girl, you look so fine. Tell your husband I want to bite your kneecaps off.
–West Village
Lady on cell: Yeah, I’m really hungry, too. I could really eat some nice wallpaper right about now.
–83rd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Debbie
Woman: I’d rather eat homeless person’s cum than ever eat plain yogurt again.
–Clinton & Stanton
Creepy guy: Let me put it this way: I might not be compelled to eat a puppy, but I just might eat a baby. There’s just something unattractive about them.
–Bus to Penn Station
Mother to screaming child: If you don’t stop crying I am going to eat you!
–100th & Broadway
Overheard by: briana
Bouncer to girl showing ID: You’re so beautiful. I wanna put you on a pedestal… and eat your ass.
–West Village
Overheard by: RBNY
Chick: I love his mole. It’s like Matt Damon…he has a mole.
–Starbucks, W. 4th St.
Chick: I think it’s sexy that he went to art school.
Her two friends start laughing immediately.
–Jane, Soho
Overheard by: Tamika J.
Chick #1: My brother got me a $50 gift certificate for Anthropologie.
Chick #2: Well, I got you a manicure. That must qualify as the best given by someone who didn’t come out of the same womb as you.
–Senor Swanky’s, Bleecker Street
