Chick: Happy birthday!…What’s your name?
–203 Spring, Spring Street
Girl to guy holding paper with Haiti headline: Oh my god! That is so ironic, coz yesterday, it was like, Sara’s birthday… and she’s totally Haitian.
Overheard by: Dana
Frat boy: You know what I should get you for your birthday?
Frat boy: A funnel.
Girlfriend: A funnel?
Frat boy: Yeah, a funnel. So you can piss in a corner.
Girlfriend: I could also use it to funnel beer!
Frat boy: You’d have to wash it first.
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Queer suit running toward closing doors: Please hold the doors! [Conductor closes doors, pretending not to hear.] But it’s my birthday!
–F train platform, 63rd & Lex
Overheard by: Catholic School Girl
20‐something guy on cell: My girlfriend’s birthday is tomorrow. (pause) I don’t know. Maybe a bong.
Overheard by: Steve Popovich
Girl to friend: I just wanted to hook up with him because we had the same birthday.
–8th St & 5th Ave
Rent cast member (shouting over shoulder): I turn 34 on Friday, I’m old but at least I made it past Jesus.
Woman arguing loudly with her mother in the laundromat: My 30th birthday is gonna be ruined if we don’t go to the wax museum!
–4th Ave & 14th St, Brooklyn
Guy handing out New York Post: Grab your free copy of New York Post, it’s free, it’s free! Oh, and happy birthday to me today, thank you very much for remembering it! Oh, what a lovely day…
–42nd & Madison
Overheard by: Eve
Cyclist #1: So how was your girl’s birthday?
Cyclist #2: All right, I guess. I kinda fucked up.
Cyclist #1: Fucked up? How?
Cyclist #2: Well, she’s vegan.
Cyclist #1: Yeah, so?
Cyclist #2: Well, I bought her a leather seat for her bike.
Cyclist #1: So what, man? She’s vegan — just because she doesn’t like cow in her mouth doesn’t mean she won’t like it in her ass.
Overheard by: Prolly
Hobo: Happy birthday! Can I have a dollar?
Preppy guy: What? Sorry, I don’t have any cash.
Hobo: I accept all major credit cards.
Overheard by: cmtWHAT
Headline by: eeny
· “…Except Diner’s Club, I Have Standards, You Know” — DotTim
· “As Unemployment Rises, Technology Transforms the Bum Sector” — PeterG
· “Hobos: They’re Everywhere You Want to Be” — Coyoty
· “Mastercard: Avaliable in More Places” — MaccasGirl
Girl #1: So he told me that no matter what happens on June 31st, he will come to my house and we’ll discuss our wedding.
Girl #2: I wish my boyfriend would be there for me.
Girl #1: It sounds nice, doesn’t it? Except there is no 31st of June.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Ting
Catholic schoolgirl: I am so mature! I’m gonna be 16 soon. That means I can drive.
Boyfriend: That’s awesome.
Catholic schoolgirl: How many months is that in?
Boyfriend: I dunno…
Catholic schoolgirl: Let’s see…June, July, August, September, November…December? No, that’s not right…January, February, April, May…
Overheard by: Olga Kogan
Girl: Y’know Catalina who works upstairs? The one with the really big breasts? Whenever it’s a customer’s birthday, she pulls her shirt down, attaches matches to her nipples and lights the cake with them while singing, ‘Happy Birthday.’
Guy: Are her nipples made of wood or something?
Girl: I don’t know. All I know is when I turn around, they’re on fire!
–Uptown N, 23rd St
Overheard by: Jatmos
Girl #1: I just feel bad because he’s going to think I’m a total bitch because I kicked his friend at his birthday party!
Girl #2: Whatever! You can’t worry about what other people think of you.