Wednesday One-Liners–No Apologies Necessary

Suit on cell: I swear, I’m going to make her the sorriest crippled girl in New York.

–Avenue C

Hipster on iPhone: Hello? I’m sorry. I can’t hear you–I have an iPhone.

–6th & 27th

Hipster girl to out-of-town friend: Sorry about the smell, this area just recently gentrified.

–Orchard Street b/w Broome & Grand

Loud, drunk, British girl to boyfriend: We don’t know each other’s minds -we can’t read each other’s minds! So when you do something I don’t like and I tell you and then later you do something I don’t like and I tell you again… Well that’s two sorries in one day! And "sorry" is just a word, but you’re learning about me! About my mind.

–Broadway & Waverly

Overheard by: rpk

Woman on cell: Oh sorry, I have to go. Remember that woman that got pregnant by a bear? Yeah, I just ran into her.

–Astor Place

Dominican to friend: And just wait until I tell them all he’s Dominican… he’ll really be sorry then!

–5th Ave, near Empire State Building

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Posted on February 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Apologies, Brits, Cell Phone, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dominicans, Drunks, Friends, Girlfriends, Lower East Side, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYC Geography, On Cell, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Suits, The Village, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Weirdness, Words

It's an Ill-Informed Hobo Who Doesn't Know About Hobo Gloves

Hobo: Hey, where you from, man?
Tourist #1 (wearing fingerless gloves): England.
Hobo: I knew you ain't from round here, cos I ain't never seen gloves like that before
(hobo walks away)
Tourist #2: You should have told him they're really popular with tramps in England.

–105th & Broadway

Posted on December 23, 2014
Advice, Brits, Clothing, Default, Foreigners, Global Geography, Hobos, Questions, Tourism, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

…But If We Did, I'd Feel Those Pants Are Tacky.

British professor: When I moved from England to the States I was always so surprised to hear people use the phrase, “I feel” this and “I feel” that…
NYU kid: Why?
British professor: Because we don't feel.

–Cantor Film Center, NYU

Posted on December 7, 2014
Brits, Compare/Contrast, Foreigners, Movie Theaters, NYU, Students, Teachers/Professors, Travel

Are You Dumb or Is That Just Stupidity?

Dumb blonde girl to guy: Are you from England or is that just a British accent?
British guy: Uh, yeah.

–SoHo Billiards

Overheard by: Cory

Posted on December 4, 2014
Brits, Foreigners, Idiots, Questions, Soho, Stupidity

Tour De Wednesday One-Liners

Fat tourist: Exactly, like, I know Disney trivia, but of course I don't know general trivia.

–Ellis Island

Overheard by: Cat

Female tourist with Irish accent, reading leaflet: Jaysas lads, it only took them 14 months to build this, I wonder if it's okay like.

–Empire State Building

Overheard by: joanie

Tourist gazing up at the Empire State Building: They sure could fit a lotta hay in there!

–Outside Empire State Building

Overheard by: Duppy

Tourist: Where do they keep the cemeteries around here?

–Next to St. Paul's Cemetery/Church

Female tourist: Oh my god, I can't believe we're on the 6… Just like J.Lo.

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Courtney C.

Overzealous British tourist father, pointing at map: Okay, everyone. We're passing by Madison Square Gardens. They must be lovely at this time of year. We're on the Metropolitan Line, see? The Met Line. Just like in London. We're going to get off at Rector Street. It's the last stop before Brooklyn, so if we miss our stop, we'll be in Brooklyn, and we don't want that! Look, now there are no more numbers. When there are no more numbers in the station names, that means we're at the bottom of the underground. Oh, look, it's Chinatown. This is where all the orientals get off.

–R Line

Overheard by: office peon is one of those Orientals…

Female tourist: Know what? Fuck it, I just want to go back to my hotel room and take a shit.

–Canal St

Posted on September 20, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brits, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Death, Disney, Empire State Building, Fat People, Hudson River, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Poop, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Soho, Stupidity, Time, Tourism, Tourists, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

And Here I've Been Spelling “Colour” Without the U Like a Fool! A Fool!!

Protester outside UN: Down with the British!
British coworker: What's with this shit?
American coworker: Apparently Britain is controlling the American government!
British coworker: Why the fuck haven't I been told?

–47th & 2nd

Overheard by: David

Posted on September 9, 2014
Activists, Brits, Coworkers, Foreigners, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Paranoia, Politics

Wednesday One-Liners Jill Off

Music manager on phone: You know what you need? Lesbians! Everyone needs a lesbian.

–20th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: LoRna

Lady on cell: And now she thinks I’m a lesbian because I borrowed her…

–Union Square Greenmarket

Overheard by: borrowed her what?

Guy on cell: Did you bring chairs and a cooler? Cause usually lesbians are so prepared, they always bring chairs and a cooler.

–Ludlow near Rivington

English woman (trying on a pair of vintage men inspired shoes) to man: I always thought there was something very chic about a woman wearing a man’s shoe. (looks at her footwear) But I have to be skinny for this look, otherwise I’ll look like a lesbian!

–Frock Vintage Store

Overheard by: Shoegal

Guy to friend: She isn’t a lesbian but she does own a house.

–13th & 1st

Posted on September 3, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brits, Diet/Weight, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Lower East Side, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Physical appearance, Questions, Shoes, Store, Union Square and East Village, Women

I Wouldn't Expect Someone Who Uses Words Like “Elevator” and “Stroller” to Understand

British chick: I love my sneakers! They are designed to tone my calves.
American friend: Your sneakers are like the Twighlight vampires, lame and sparkly.
British chick: Yeah, but I'm gonna have the best calf muscles!
American friend: Okay!

–AMC Loews Kips Bay Theatre Movie

Posted on August 10, 2010
Body Parts, Brits, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Movie Theaters, Physical appearance, Shoes, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

That's “None Of Your Fucking Business, Cunt” in New Yorker Speak

Guy #1, entering cafe, to tourist holding door: I'm not giving you a fucking tip!
Guy #2, quietly: You're welcome.
(woman comes in, guy #2 holds door again, woman nods politely)
Woman: You're not from round here, are you?
Guy #2, in British accent: Apparently.

–5th Ave

Overheard by: Calas

Posted on August 5, 2010
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Anger Management, Brits, Guys, Money & Class, Only in New York, Restaurants & Cafes, Tourists, Women

Brits