Suit on cell: No, I’m not coming in today…I’m on the Upper East Side. There’s all this traffic from the Pope’s "Don’t sodomize the kids" world tour.
–83rd & Lex
Guy at bar: Most Popes hate Jews.
–6th and D
Gamer kid: Yeah, I was in DC this weekend with the Pope… Yeah, I saw that muthafucka.
–218th & Park Terrace West
Overheard by: Kelley
Old lady, about young girl: Oh, she looks nice. She’s wearing Pope shoes.
–Carmine St
Overheard by: arctinus
TSA employee at a security checkpoint: Do you have another photo ID? Expired driver licenses are invalid.
Girl carrying tabloid: But what if you, like, don't drive?
TSA employee: You can't use an expired license as identification.
Girl carrying tabloid: Yeah, but what if you didn't drive?
–Kennedy Airport
Guy on cell, screaming : Did you or did you not give that guy a blowjob in the parking lot?
–3rd Ave & 10th St
Overheard by: JC
Hot girl talking to hot friend: He said blowjobs are like flowers for guys. Do I get flowers everyday? No! So why should he, right?
–C Train
Screaming bag lady: He asked me to suck his dick. I don't suck dick, I'm homeless.
–125th St
Overheard by: Reilly
Guy on cell: How's her gag reflex? Because that's a great way to make up for stupid.
–5th & 83rd
Overheard by: Kelly
Guy to another: Greg, do you want your cock sucked tonight? Then get in the car! (other guy hastily gets in car)
–The Village
Police car megaphone: Attention: The driver of the minivan is terrible.
–Ludlow & Stanton
Girl on phone: Now, drive safe and don’t drop the soap!
–NYU Kimmel Center, Washington Square South
Young boy: Man, I’m as tired as a used car salesman.
–JFK
Overheard by: DFlan
Man on cell: So, are you saying you crashed the car into the camel or the camel into the car?
–27th & 7th
Tall guy: … And he would not get out of my trunk! And we was on our way to the game! I was like, ‘Son, close that door. Respect the Hyundai!’
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Micaela
Chick: … And I said to him, ‘After this presentation I want to go to the hospital, because I got hit by a car.’ And he said, ‘Oh, yeah? You look kind of skanky. You should go now.’
–Court & Schermerhorn St
JAP on phone: A woman lives in my dashboard! In my car! A woman lives in my dashboard!
–NYU
Girl to another: And she went to get into her car. I was like "you'd better get out of here or I'm gonna fuck you up." And she was all slamming the door and stopping over to me. And I was all in her face and bitch-slapped her. Well, that last part might have been a dream. But then she got into her car and left.
–NY Central Library
Overheard by: amused
Woman on cell: Hi, Annie! How are you? (pause) I'm going to get my ass kicked by a very big black man.
–Park Slope
Suit on cell: If you don't stop hanging up on me, I will kick you in the throat.
–Times Square
Guy on cell, very loudly: Yeah, but, so nobody knows about it except me and the other guys in the fight club.
–21st St & Broadway
Overheard by: Alex
20-something girl: And then she chloroformed me. (pause) I said that too loud.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Russ
Young woman: You need to get a car so you can take my kitty cat to the vet.
–Starbucks, 71st & Broadway
Overheard by: Zvi Mowshowitz
Bored Guest: When are we going to get out of here? Don’t tell me in two hours. I’d rather get out of here in three hours than in two hours. If I have to go over that bridge during rush hour, I’ll shoot myself and then jump. I’ll be falling with a gun to my head.
—Style Court Plaintiff Room
A driver almost runs over a kid.
Driver: Look at the light! Look at the light!
Kid: Look at the street!
Driver: Go back to Russia, you fuck!
–Bensonhurst
Chick: Yeah, deers aren’t that bad. You’re in trouble if you hit a cow, though. And even worse would be a moose, because if you don’t kill it it’s gonna kill you!
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Danger!!!!
Old school Brooklyn guy: They closed off 150 blocks in DC for this inauguration and where do you think all the people that live on those blocks are gonna park, if not here in the five boroughs?
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: Didi Hylobates
