NYU freshman girl #1, crossing the street: My dad always says, “No! Don't cross the street yet!” and I'm always like, “Dad, I've lived here for two months, I think I know what I'm doing!”
NYU freshman girl #2: Ha ha! But you know, cab drivers are looking out for you.
NYU freshman girl #1: Yeah, that's their job. If they hit you, they get sued.
NYU freshman girl #2: Yeah. My shirt says it all. “NYU” pretty much means “you'll get sued.”
–23rd & 6th
Overheard by: EthanK
Well-endowed woman: Is this one of those fancy uplift bras?
Salesperson: Yes, ma'am, it is.
Well-endowed woman: All right, but if I get home and my titties still sag I'm gonna be mad at you!
–Victoria's Secret
Little kid: We're going to the city to get mommy titties!
–LIRR Train
Punk chick: This thing needs bazooms. I'm a punker chick with itty bitties.
–Midtown Office
Girl to female friend: Hey, did you know today is the three-year anniversary of my boobs?
–Union Square
Crazy lady trying to exchange a shirt: I can't go to work with my tits hanging out!
–Abercrombie & Fitch
Overheard by: me neither.
Chick on cell: In his defense, I forget about breasts, too.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Music theory professor, explaining classical idioms: The reason we use these techniques is because the great composers did–Mozart, Beethoven, Bach. They knew what they were doing. Bach knew that Mozart intuitively understood the music. When he reviewed Mozart's work, he was like, "that motherfucker!" (slight pause) Yeah, more or less.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Music Theorist
Girl to friends: Imagine this: Spice Girls concert, platform shoes, glitter all over my body…
–McCarren Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: do I have to?
20-something Whitey McWhiteface to friends: So do you think Lil Wayne tried to become a hipster or, like, it just happened?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Hopper
Guy to friend, while watching Radiohead: This is a great song to urinate to.
–Liberty State Park
Doctoral student on phone: I can't do my dissertation on the sex lives of great composers…I can't… No, it's just that the subject is too big… Ok, so 1950 to present.
–Manhattan School of Music
Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze
Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. And now for your entertainment… (taps on the microphone a pretty decent beat) I hope you all like my beats…I've been practicing!
–F Train
Overheard by: Groovin to the music
Woman on cell: I didn't take a bath with your dog!
–Long Island Railway
Overheard by: Jeff
Smug girl to gaggle: No, these are my period pants. My mom washed them for me!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: bih.
Very loud crackhead to nobody in particular: Today is great day…I got my pussy washed and I got new crutches.
–14th St
Overheard by: Cuttie
Middle aged man to another: I miss seeing my wife do squats while cleaning the tub.
–Central Park Loop
Overheard by: Nick Kinling
Woman with awful red lipstick: I am too lazy to shower. Ooh! Did I tell you I discovered dry shampoo?
–Broadway & 112th
Overheard by: do us a favor and bathe
Teenage girl to another: I don't know what the fuck he's talking about…I wash my titties everyday with Lever2000.
–D Train
Overheard by: Derrick Walker
Guy promoting comedy club: Hey ladies, you like comedy? Fuck Broadway, they're all run and acted by terrorists.
Girl passing by: Yeah? Well, if Jennifer Garner and Kevin Kline are terrorists I'll eat my own pants in Times Square!
–Broadway
Girl #1: Wow, you must be in so much pain.
Girl #2: Not really, I'll just be really embarrassed when I have to change my pants.
–Minskoff Theatre
Overheard by: FerretMan
Girl #1, coming out of bar: Oh my god, can you believe he thought I was interested in him? My tastes are way better than that!
Girl #2: And yet you bought that jacket.
Girl #1: What did you say?
Girl #2: Nothing…
–Bedford & 9th St
Overheard by: I agree with your friend
Gay guy, trying on long black fur coat: How do I look?
Girl: Like a gay, Russian, Cruella de Vil.
Random customer: I'm gay and Russian. And I wouldn't wear that.
–Century 21
