Compare/Contrast

The Critics Are Raving About Wednesday One-Liners!

30-something man to girlfriend: I liked it. I mean, it really made me think: if twenty years from now I went in a hot tub and was transported back to today, what would I tell myself to do with my life?

–23rd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: drose

Dad to teenage children: I wouldn't see Twilight if my life depended on it. If I had to choose, I would choose to die.

–Times Square

Acting professor: Did you see how Brando picked up her glove? He wanted her to stay. Do you ever do that? Take someone's things just so you know they'll come back? (dead silence) Guess you kids just aren't devious like me…

–Tisch School of the Arts

Older man to ticket salesman: Are Precious and The Rocky Horror Picture Show a double feature?

–Clearview Cinema, Chelsea

…Since You Said Eat Pray Love Was Too Advanced for Us.

Bored student, avoiding reading The Canterbury Tales: Is this going to teach us life lessons that we already know?
English teacher: Yes.
Bored student: Couldn't we read Chicken Soup for the Soul instead?

–Beacon St

Just a Couple Of Dudes, Comparing Their Meat.

European: You guys are big on your breakfast.
American: Yeah, not really. Europeans really know how to do breakfast… We don't.
European: I guess. Like we have Polish sausage.

–Starbucks

Yeah, Well You Look Like Lynn from Real Housewives Of OC!

Eight-year-old boy #1: You look like an old person!
Eight-year-old boy #2: I have a good one: you look like dried cum!

–Grand Army Plaza

Overheard by: Eric Arevalo

Wednesday One-Liners Mostly Just Stand Around

Security guard: Oh, man, thank god for anti-depressants and alcohol! Nothing like Jack Daniels to get you through the day.

–The Met

Building security guard to mailman: Don't you think tv saved the world? Say you've got 10, 12, 14, 16 kids . . .

–William & Beekman

NYU security guard to long line of kids: A'ight kids, e-z passes out. Put your IDs in the air and wave them like you just don't care!

–College of Arts and Science, Washington Square Park

Security man: No photos in Tim Burton! No pictures, no photos! Tell a friend, tell a neighbor, tell someone you don't like!

–Tim Burton Exhibit, MoMA

Security guard: Have a nice day… Now get the hell out of here.

–JFK Airport

We Unite in a Common Purpose Of Self-Destruction

Guy: So you smoke for social reasons? I don't get it.
Girl: You know, I do it so that I can go out and talk to others. I only do it when I'm wanting to spend time with people.
Guy: I still don't get it.
Girl: It's just what I do when I want to spend some time with my friends.
Guy: Oh, so like how cocaine is for me?
Girl: Yeah! Kind of like that.

–1 Train

Can We at Least Start a Band and Affect British Accents?

Out-of-town teen hipster: I like wish one of those cars could take a picture of us crossing, so it'd be like Abbey Road…
Friend: But this isn't Abbey Road, there's only three of us, and we're in the States.
Out-of-town teen hipster: So?
Friend: So it'd just be a picture of us crossing some random street!

–Bowery & Bleecker

That's Just New York in the Morning, Honey

Little girl: It smells here.
Father: Oh, like what?
Little girl: Like… Coffee… and… the zoo.

–Starbucks

…So I Still Get to Watch Half Of Oprah.

Girl: I'm so glad I don't work nine to five.
Friend: So, when do you work?
Girl: Eight to four thirty.

–L Train

Your Editors Totally Predicted This

Hip-hop dude #1: Dude! Her pussy is like the TARDIS on Doctor Who! So small and dainty on the outside, but roomy on the inside.
Hip-hop dude #2: Can it time-travel?

–Brooklyn

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