Girl (sobbing): I’m sorry… I know cheating is never the answer… I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you.
(long silence)
Guy (chuckling): Sorry for laughing. I’m just thinking of what a better person than you I am.
(five minutes later)
Guy (still chuckling): You know you’re hot and guys hit on you all the time but what you forget is that I’m hot. Girls hit on me every day. But I’d never cheat because I’m a good person.
–Metro Cafe, 57th & 5th
Guy from Michigan: That stripper robbed me.
Cop: How so?
Guy from Michigan: She said if I gave her $150 she would jerk me off. I payed her the $150 and she didn’t do it. I want her arrested.
Cop: Is everyone from Michigan an asshole or just you?
–Show World
Bearded guy #1: Wow! Two Quakers on one train! We could start a riot.
Bearded guy #2: Or whatever the opposite of a riot is.
–Metro North Hudson Line
Pudgy tourist mom to sulking pudgy son: You’re not getting it, you’re not getting it!
Pudgy tourist dad to sulking pudgy son: We’re going to a nice restaurant, you are not gonna be an animal!
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: wants to know what the kid wanted
(hip girl yells in excitement)
Old woman on street: Grow up!
Hip girl to friend: God! Homeless people spend all day screaming on the street and no one tells them too grow up.
Hip friend: Yeah, it’s not your fault that your dad’s a republican.
–School of Visual Arts
Overheard by: dobby
Salesman: Ah, so soly. Mr. Wong not in today.
Saleswomen: My boyfriend’s Asian. Don’t make fun of them.
Salesman: I’m not making fun of them. I’m making fun of the way they talk.
–Sales Department, SoHo
Bum #1, slurring: Hey! That’s a nice shirt you got!
Bum #2, walking across the crosswalk, also slurring: You look like a catfish! [Turns to guy in a car.] Doesn’t he look like a damn catfish!?
–12th St & 8th Ave
Preppy kid: It’s all fucking Guidos in this place.
Guido: You calling me a fuckin’ Guido?
Preppy kid: (sarcastically) Nooo. No, you’re no Guido. Where’s your gold chain?
Guido: My cousin ripped it off in a fight.
Preppy kid: Yeah, you’re definitely not a Guido.
–China Club
Overheard by: 13Atlantic
Teenage girl #1: When I was little, my mom told me that whenever I had to go to the bathroom, I should say “Excuse me, I have to go powder my nose.” But when I said it to my kindergarten teachers they didn’t understand what I meant.
Teenage girl #2: That’s because your kindergarten teachers, unlike your mom, weren’t bitchy, uptight wasps.
Teenage girl #1: Yeah, I know. That’s why I go to private school now.
–Terminal 5
New Yorker #1: I had to tell my kid when she went to college in Boston that nowhere else could compare to New York, to just find the best of where you are.
New Yorker #2: Yeah, I always found Boston to be provincial.
–6 Train
